Imperfect Circle (part 3/?)

[tsukinobun.livejournal.com]

Title: Imperfect Circle (Part 3/?)
Pairing: Hologram!Lister/ Our!Ace
Rating: PG
Warnings: Mpreg
Notes: This part is angsty, but hopefully it'll be one of only a few angsty moments in this fic, since it was SUPPOSED to be fluff. :) I know I haven't posted anything in awhile, but I'm going to try to finish the series I started.

Since I know it has been quite a while since I posted parts 1 and 2, here are the links:
Part 1
Part 2

 

It was nearing bedtime.

Lister had taken a lengthy nap after their talk and woken in the early evening to an empty room. He had gone to find Kryten, and forced down a bit of food, and was contemplating a can of lager while walking back to the bunkroom. He still felt odd, and thought he could feel the way his light bee was draining Holly of power. He was apprehensive about Rimmer and what the sleeping arrangement would be tonight, and thought a lager might take the edge off his nerves. Even so, something told him that with his light bee acting so strangely, he probably shouldn’t test the boundaries of alcohol consumption so soon after the raucous binge last night.

He stopped walking forward about four feet from the door to his room – far enough away that the sensor would not recognize him and open it with a swish. He wondered how he should act tonight. Should he try to push Rimmer into another night of passion? Without inebriation, it might not go so smoothly. Should he act as though he just wanted to be friends? After all, they both had people they were still pining for, and perhaps it was best to go slowly.

Besides. Rimmer, the Rimmer he remembered from before the accident, had been nothing if not closed to his feelings. Sure, marijuana gin could lower the inhibitions of even the staunchest tight wad, but in the unfuzzy light of sobriety things would probably be much different.

Yeah, friends, Lister thought. That would be the best course of action. Act like romance wasn’t the issue. Become friends with Arnold Rimmer. That was enough to stomach, anyway.

Lister smiled slightly remembering the way Rimmer had kissed him, the feel of his hands, the tiny noises of desperation, longing and desire. It was true he didn’t remember altogether everything about last night, but some moments sang with eager clarity. He tried to shake away such thoughts, and strode forward into the sensor’s beam. The door swished open.

Rimmer wasn’t in the room, but the sound of the shower could be heard through the bathroom door. There was a shadowy figure visible through the glass. Lister bit his lip and tried to remind himself to think platonic thoughts. He’d better just…go to sleep. Yeah. That’d be safe.

He climbed into the top bunk and was surprised by how tired he was, even after the nap earlier. Whatever his light bee was doing with all the extra power, it wasn’t helping his energy levels at all. Maybe he’d caught some kind of cold from Rimmer. Who knew where he’d been, or what kind of illnesses were in other dimensions? Ugh. Probably he’d caught a stomach bug or something, a holovirus, and his bee was working to fight it off. It would explain a lot, and in a few days, he’d feel better.

“Lights off,” he told the room, and it obliged.

The sound of the running water in the shower calmed his thoughts and his breathing began to slow. He was in a light sleep when an unexpected sound roused him. His eyes opened slowly and his brain struggled to remember where he was.

From the direction of the shower, and barely masked by the running water, came the sound of crying. Lister heard it, disbelieving. Was Rimmer crying in there? Surely not. No. He listened closer, very much awake now. Water hit the tile. He barely breathed, concentrating for several minutes, and then he heard it again, a little whimper and a sniffle that sounded awfully like crying.

Why was Rimmer crying? Lister shook his head, bewildered. He sighed. Did he miss his own Dave Lister? Was last night too much for him? Should he ignore this, or do something about it?

Knowing Arnold as he thought he did, he’d probably be embarrassed to know he’d been heard crying. He’d also – and this made made Lister close his eyes tightly in realization – he’d also probably want to run away from the situation. Maybe by morning he’d be gone in the Wildfire, dimension-hopping, never to be seen again.

The flow of water from the shower stopped, and Lister heard some movement as Rimmer toweled off the water from his body. He heard a little buzz and whirr as Rimmer clothed himself. The bathroom door opened, spilling some light into the dark bunkroom. Lister pretended to be asleep.

Rimmer did not move for a moment after closing the bathroom door. Lister assumed he was being watched, and tried to look as realistically asleep as possible, even as his light bee clicked faster and he felt his heart beat quicken. Several minutes passed, and then Rimmer moved to the lower bunk and climbed beneath the covers.

Lister opened his eyes and looked at the ceiling above his bunk. His head warred with his heart. He wanted to comfort his companion, even though he knew it could worsen the situation. Lister was never one to pick head over heart, though, and he threw off his covers and clambered down to the floor.

“Listy?” Rimmer whispered, sounding normal. “Sorry, did I wake you up?”

“I’ve had loads of sleep today,” he answered in a whisper, avoiding the question.

“How are you feeling, anyway?” Rimmer asked quietly.

Lister thought about it.

“Weird.” He admitted. “But I bet it’s just a holovirus or something. Feels a bit like a cold or stomach bug.”

“Oh my god, I didn’t think to decontaminate,” Rimmer whispered guiltily. “I’m not around too many holograms, I don’t usually have to worry.”

“I’m fine, just a bit off,” Lister said reassuringly. “Hey, why are we whispering, anyway?” he smiled.

“The lights are off, I suppose it just felt right,” Rimmer said, in a bit louder voice, sounding slightly amused.

“Can I join you?” Lister asked, boldly. He was dreading the response, sure it would be a no, but he was nothing if not brave.

There was silence between them for a few moments. Clearly Rimmer was just as unsure about the status of their relationship as he was.

“Er…yeah. Okay.” Rimmer replied weakly.

Beaming, his bravery rewarded, Lister climbed gently on top of Rimmer, who held his blanket like it was the only think keeping him safe.

As yet, the mood in the room was not sexual. There was curiosity in the air, and timidity. Lister liked the solid feel of Rimmer beneath him, and he held his weight up slightly by his hands which were pushed into the mattress below on either side of the other hologram. Rimmer looked up at him, positively still, with an unreadable expression in his unblinking eyes.

Lister gently lowered his face to Rimmer’s and softly captured a kiss, warm and tentative.

“Listy…” Rimmer whispered, as his eyes searched his companion’s face for something. He looked vulnerable, and …something else. Lovelorn.

Lister kissed him again, just as softly. He slowly brushed the sensitive skin of his lips to press against the sweet, taut edges of Rimmer’s mouth. He licked along the bottom lip lightly, and felt it tremble beneath his tongue. He kissed it once, fully, before pulling back to look at Rimmer again.

Truly, the lip was visibly trembling. Tears had streamed from Rimmer’s eyes as he had quietly begun to cry. Lister felt such pity and sorrow for him, even if he didn’t know what was wrong.

He reached up one hand to gently run through Arnold’s hair.

“Shhh…” he said quietly, trying to calm him. “It’s okay.”

“Lister,” Rimmer breathed, his voice catching. He tried not to sob. His eyes closed, and his arms reached up to hold the man atop him. The arms snaked around his back and pulled him close and tight. Lister let it happen, and wrapped his own arms around Rimmer.

At the feel of those arms reaching around him, Rimmer began to cry in earnest. His body was wracked with the wavering,  painful breaths of his crying. Still he tried not to make a sound.

“Shhh, ‘s okay,” Lister repeated, quietly. He kissed Rimmer’s cheek and let himself be squeezed by the tightening arms around him.

“My…..Lister,” Rimmer whispered, before he began to cry audibly. The sobs jerked his body and he shook. He seemed so lost.

“I know,” Lister said, quietly. In truth, he didn’t know. He wasn’t sure whether Rimmer was talking about his Lister back in his own dimension, or whether he was claiming him personally as his own Lister. Really, it didn’t matter. And maybe it was both, and all of it was confusing and difficult, and crying was the only response.