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reddwarfslash2007-04-01 08:39 pm
roadstergal.livejournal.com) wrote in reddwarfslash2007-04-01 08:39 pm
Entry tags:
Vignette - Celibate. PG.
Set pre-One. Crit is always good.
The dull clonk of a titanium spork rattling against a JMC Regulation Cup echoed through the small bunkroom. The murmur of chatter died down as the man who had done the clonking cleared his throat. His long neck seemed to stretch beyond what a normal human's was capable of as he surveyed the men sitting around the room. "Welcome to the weekly meeting of the Love Celibacy Society!" he said, his voice gravelly. The men in the room murmured a greeting in response. He grinned a weasely grin. "I'm pleased to see you all here on this fine Saturday night," he continued, "instead of wasting your precious time and money on... dates." He said the word the way one might say "cockroach." Another murmur came from the attendees; many of them nodded.
The man poked at the papers on the table before him with a nervous forefinger. "The first order of the night is introduction of new members. Let us all give a hearty hello to Second Technician Arnold Rimmer."
A smattering of lackluster applause floated into the air and disappeared as the technician in question stood, nodding in appreciation of the welcome. "Thank you. Thank you very much." He licked his dry lips. He spoke in the flat manner of someone struggling to remember a too-often-rehearsed speech. "I'm truly glad and truly blessed. Like many who come here, I used to be a willing victim of the great romantic conspiracy." He paused, his eyes flitting upwards as if expecting his speech to be written on the ceiling. "However, I soon tired of the endless cycle of spend-reject-spend. Women are indeed a greedy and predatory species." The scratching and scuffling of people rapidly becoming uninterested was getting louder, and the technician swallowed, perspiration beading his forehead. He looked up again, as if mentally fast-forwarding. "Anyway... I... er... I am pleased to trade the false charms of heterosexual intercourse for the real pleasure the company of celibates provides." He sat down again, puffing out a breath.
"Thank you, Mister Rimmer," the long-necked chairman said. "Now, for our next order of business - Alternate Activities. This week's Alternate Activity is... model painting!"
Rimmer smiled as the chairperson pulled out a tray that held several small pots of acrylic paint. He had found real friends at last.
The dull clonk of a titanium spork rattling against a JMC Regulation Cup echoed through the small bunkroom. The murmur of chatter died down as the man who had done the clonking cleared his throat. His long neck seemed to stretch beyond what a normal human's was capable of as he surveyed the men sitting around the room. "Welcome to the weekly meeting of the Love Celibacy Society!" he said, his voice gravelly. The men in the room murmured a greeting in response. He grinned a weasely grin. "I'm pleased to see you all here on this fine Saturday night," he continued, "instead of wasting your precious time and money on... dates." He said the word the way one might say "cockroach." Another murmur came from the attendees; many of them nodded.
The man poked at the papers on the table before him with a nervous forefinger. "The first order of the night is introduction of new members. Let us all give a hearty hello to Second Technician Arnold Rimmer."
A smattering of lackluster applause floated into the air and disappeared as the technician in question stood, nodding in appreciation of the welcome. "Thank you. Thank you very much." He licked his dry lips. He spoke in the flat manner of someone struggling to remember a too-often-rehearsed speech. "I'm truly glad and truly blessed. Like many who come here, I used to be a willing victim of the great romantic conspiracy." He paused, his eyes flitting upwards as if expecting his speech to be written on the ceiling. "However, I soon tired of the endless cycle of spend-reject-spend. Women are indeed a greedy and predatory species." The scratching and scuffling of people rapidly becoming uninterested was getting louder, and the technician swallowed, perspiration beading his forehead. He looked up again, as if mentally fast-forwarding. "Anyway... I... er... I am pleased to trade the false charms of heterosexual intercourse for the real pleasure the company of celibates provides." He sat down again, puffing out a breath.
"Thank you, Mister Rimmer," the long-necked chairman said. "Now, for our next order of business - Alternate Activities. This week's Alternate Activity is... model painting!"
Rimmer smiled as the chairperson pulled out a tray that held several small pots of acrylic paint. He had found real friends at last.
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(Anonymous) 2007-04-03 08:13 pm (UTC)(link)Maybe it was pre-series and watching the "outbreak of gay" (I'm absolutely convinced Rimmer would see homosexuality as contagious) is part of what led to him and Yvonne MacGruder? Like she was a bit concussed and coming onto him obviously enough for him not to miss (which since the only other time that's happened is Nirvanah's "Would you like to have sex?", that would be pretty obvious). And he'd have the need to prove his heterosexuality coupled with the ready opportunity.
On an unrelated note, I just started picturing Rimmer's heterosexuality as an independent entity. Like in Confidence and Paranoia. His heterosexuality (rather tense and twitchy) and the thing that he refuses to even put a name on because it can't possibly exist (with the feather boa). I don't know why, but that made me laugh.
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I already have a plot good and ready though... ;)
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(Anonymous) 2007-04-04 03:18 am (UTC)(link)no subject
*cheerleads hopefully*
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(the fact that i sound this mad is possibly for the amazing images of super camp rimmer jumping lister...)