reddwarfslash | Double Trouble

I've had laryngitis for the last week or so - which means I've got a lot of writing done! Be warned that the following chapters are all rated R for violence, bondage and nudity!

Double Trouble - Part 8

With the Rimmers finally convinced that the Branson wasn’t harbouring any multi-headed, sharply-toothed beasties, it was agreed the next day that they would all split up to look around the rest of the ship and meet back at the airlock to return to Starbug at eighteen-hundred hours ship time. They each took a radio and then splintered off to explore. Lister hadn’t found a chance to talk with Rimmer and he wasn’t surprised when he and his double went together on their expedition. He toyed with the idea of telling Cat and Kryten what had happened in the night but what good could it do? They didn’t know any more about the man than he did. He decided to keep quiet until he’d managed to speak to Rimmer alone.

“He did what?” Rimmer exclaimed.

“He followed me,” the double confirmed sourly, “Came tiptoeing after me in the dark like a school-girl with an adolescent crush. And when I confronted him he had the nerve to pretend he’d been looking for a toilet.” They tried the panel to another closed door but it remained dead and locked. They continued along the corridor. “What do you think he wanted?” Rimmer asked perplexed.

“Oh, the usual probably,” the double replied bitterly, “To suggest a little trip up to the observation dome for a private tête-à-tête while nobody else is around to see him fraternising with the enemy.” The double shook his head, disgusted and slapped at another lifeless panel.

“We used to go up there a lot too,” Rimmer said hesitantly, “You know, back when...”

“Back when he had nobody else,” the double filled in dryly, “And I bet it used to make you feel so special every time he’d follow you up there wanting to talk, wanting to get to know you better, always wanting to help. And then you realise that he never really cared. It was all just an interesting diversion, a way to pass the time. Another patented David Lister way of getting inside your head.”

“Yes,” Rimmer said quietly, “I suppose it was.” He tried not to let himself feel too saddened by the thought. In truth he’d always cherished those memories of looking out at the stars with Lister, with only the transparent glass of the dome between them and infinity. Somehow when you were up there it made all your problems seem small and insignificant in relation to the vast universe surrounding you. And it made the person standing next to you seem like the only other person in that wide, cold universe.

Rimmer remembered sitting up there one night, waiting for Lister to come up and ask him why he was there – because Lister always came eventually – except on this night he never did. When Rimmer had finally descended the spiral staircase and returned to their quarters he’d found Lister hunched over the table, surrounded by pieces of burnt-out mechanoid, sucking absent-mindedly on the end of a screwdriver as he tried to figure out how to get Kryten back up and running. Rimmer hadn’t gone up there again.

“I bet he’ll come to you next,” the double was saying. “He tried coming to me for attention and that didn’t work so he’ll be fawning around you. Just wait and see.”

“He can try,” Rimmer said, with false bravado, while a plaintive little voice inside of him cried out ‘Why didn’t he come to me first?’

“You know,” his double said quietly, “I think it’s about time that we put an end to all this, don’t you?”

“How do you mean?” Rimmer asked.

“I think maybe it’s time that we had it out with him. Once and for all.” Rimmer went cold. “You want to tell him how you feel?” he asked weakly.

“It’s not like he doesn’t already know,” the double said bitterly. “I just feel that this needs to end. It’s like being part of some god-awful vicious circle. I can’t do it anymore.”

“Well,” Rimmer blathered as panic started to well-up inside of him, “I can certainly respect that. And you can rest assured that you have my full support in this matter. But...I wonder if you might do me a little teensy favour and just...leave me out of it.” His double looked at him strangely, “Really?”

“Really,” Rimmer said emphatically.

“After all these years,” the double said to him, puzzled, “Don’t you want closure?”

“Closure? Absolutely,” Rimmer nodded; But not humiliation, he added to himself. “I’m just not certain that I’m quite ready to face Lister head-on with this. But by all means, you go ahead.” With any luck when his double finally confronted Lister and – inevitably – got shot down, it would mean an end to all this tension and aggravation. Yes, it would be awkward for a while but that wouldn’t be Rimmer’s problem to deal with. Let his double take the hit of the rejection and get over it and Rimmer could go back to idolising Lister in the same distant, silent way he had done for years.

“Would you rather that I waited so that we can do this together?” his double asked seriously. “No, no! You do whatever you need to, Duke,” Rimmer held his hands up graciously, “I’ll be with you in spirit, of course. He who dares, wins, after all.” Except in this case, sucker.

“And you’re absolutely sure you don’t want to be a part of this?” his double asked once more. “Absitively posolutely,” Rimmer nodded, “There’s no need for you to bring me into this at all, I assure you.”

“Well, then,” his double shrugged, “I suppose in that case I’m doing this for the both of us.”

“You...er...You know how you’re going to go about this then?” Rimmer asked curiously.

“I’ve got a few ideas,” his double replied vaguely, bending the antenna of his radio back with one long finger then letting it boiiing back upright. “Good. That’s good,” Rimmer said, “I hope it all goes to plan.”

“When it does,” his double said compassionately, “I’ll be thinking of you.”

“Marvelous,” Rimmer said weakly.

“Listen,” his double checked his watch, “If I’m really going to do this then I need to prepare properly. Are you okay to carry on here on your own?”

“Yes, I’m fine,” Rimmer said, a little baffled as to just how one prepared for something like this. Maybe he was going to put together a presentation of some sort. That was what Rimmer would do. A detailed breakdown of all the different reasons why they should be together, with a chart to show how the relationship could be achieved within the limitations of shift-times, meal-times, maintenance and so forth. Sex-time would be red, obviously. Maybe a warm orangey-yellow for snuggling time... “Do me a favour,” his double continued, “When he finally comes looking for you, cut short any games he tries playing and tell him I’m waiting down in the bay where the transporters are. And make sure nobody interrupts us, okay?”

“Okay,” Rimmer agreed blithely, “Good luck,”

Sure enough, just as his double had predicted, an hour or so later Lister stuck his head into the living quarters Rimmer was half-heartedly searching and said, “Can we talk?” Rimmer turned with a sigh, arms folded. It frustrated him that he’d never managed to get the same kind of handle on Lister that his double seemed to have. How had he known so certainly that Lister would come and seek him out this way? How did he decipher so easily all the subtle little games and hints that had evaded Rimmer’s detection for so many years?

“What do you want?” he asked sharply.

“I wanted to talk to you privately for a moment,” Lister came in and sat down at the dusty table. Rimmer stayed standing, “About?” he asked coldly.

“Him,” Lister said simply, “Rimmer, man, I’m really worried that there’s something not right.”

“Such as?”

“Well, where he came from, for starters. You were there the other day when I brought up how odd it was that Cat didn’t detect whatever destroyed their ship and you saw how he reacted.”

“Maybe it’s a sensitive subject,” Rimmer said defensively,

“Maybe he’s full of smeg,” Lister replied, “I saw how you reacted as well, remember, and I know it made you think for a moment. Did he ever tell you any details about what happened? Did he ever explain to you?”

“No...” Rimmer said hesitantly, “But that doesn’t mean...”

“He’s been lying to us, Rimmer. Cat can smell it, clear as day. That’s why I confronted him in the first place.”

Rimmer had been hoping to avoid this conversation. In truth, he had taken in Lister’s words that day and he had his own theory about why his double had lied to them, but it wasn’t a comfortable one. Rimmer was afraid that he – that is, his double – had done something wrong. Like Red Dwarf all over again, he’d botched some job that should have been simple and ended up wiping everyone out. No wonder the poor wretch had lied. Who would want to own up to something that atrocious twice in one lifetime? Rimmer hadn’t pursued it because he knew that the shame must be unbearable, and he knew that it could just as easily be his own. And there was no way in hell that he was going to share his theory with Lister.

“Does it really matter what happened?” Rimmer asked tetchily, “Can’t you just let it be?”

“Not if it means putting all of us in danger, I can’t,” Lister replied. “And after last night I’m starting to think that’s a possibility.”

“Why?”

“I caught him sneaking around last night...”

“From what I hear it was the other way around.”

“I got up because I had to pee!”

“That’s right, he told me. In the laundry closet.” Lister flushed, embarrassed. You took one leak on a pile of sheets and people held it against you forever. “Look, whatever. The fact is that last night he practically threatened me and I’m not talking about the usual ‘Put down that guitar, Listy, or I’ll knot those mismatched strings around your neck and hang you from the landing gantry’ kind of threats that I’m used to.”

“Well, what did he say?”

“It wasn’t what he said,” Lister complained, “It was how he said it.”

“Did he say ‘okay’ and add a lot of extra ‘a’s?” Rimmer asked sarcastically.

“Why won’t you listen to me?” Lister demanded, “The day he arrived you said to me yourself that there was something odd about him. That you didn’t trust him. What’s changed to make you take his word over mine?”

“I just...understand him better now. That’s all.”

“Then help me understand. Because right now I feel like you’re the only person who can help.”

“And what if I don’t want to?” Rimmer said desperately, his temper fraying, “Or what if I were to tell you, Lister, that actually the problem isn’t him at all? That the problem is and always smegging has been you!”

“Me?” Lister said indignantly, “What have I done?”

“Do you want me to start making a list?” Rimmer snapped, “You know, I don’t actually care if he threatened you last night because, quite frankly, I can sympathise! In fact, if he told me he’d threatened to choke you to death, there are days when I’d quite happily hand him the garrotte and wave him off to do the job for me!” Lister stared at him, shocked. He didn’t know what to say. “You just don’t understand, do you,” Rimmer continued, “The amount of effort it takes to get through one smegging day of your games and taunts. You think it’s all just a bit of fun, a way to stay sane, but it’s not, Lister. Do you understand me? It is not all about you! So maybe, instead of coming in here bleating because Big Bad Duke didn’t want to play your games last night you should shut the hell up and accept that for once you actually got what you deserved!”

“Oh, right. I get it,” Lister retaliated angrily, “It’s the same old smegging story that it’s always been. Nothing’s ever Rimmer’s fault. Well, you know what? Sometimes your problems are nothing at all to do with me and I’m getting really tired of always being the scapegoat for everything that’s wrong in your life! If you want to pinpoint what your major problem is then take a look in the mirror sometime or, better yet, take a good long look at that arsehole double of yours, because he is the epitome of everything that’s wrong with you. He’s an unpleasant, snidey, bitter little man who’s so wrapped up in his own self-made misery that he can’t see or understand kindness anymore – even when it’s being held right out to him.”

“Kindness?” Rimmer exploded, “Neither one of us ever wanted your damn kindness, Lister – now or ever!”

“Well, then what do you want?” Lister asked frustrated. Rimmer took a deep breath. He looked at the man in front of him; at the lips he knew he would never kiss, the body he knew he would never hold and in that moment he hated him with every fibre of his being. I see what this is, he thought darkly. Well, damn you, Lister. You’re not going to make me say it. I won’t give you the satisfaction. You’ll get it soon enough from him anyway. “I want you,” he said very slowly and calmly, “To get the hell out of my life.”

Lister absorbed this silently, then pushed the chair back and stood up to leave, but as he reached the door he stopped and looked back. “You know,” he said, “The day he arrived, I found myself thinking about us two. About...how we are. I knew he hated me right from the start and I remember thinking...hoping...that it wasn’t that way with us. That it never would be. But I guess I was wrong.” Rimmer turned away and folded his arms, “Just go, will you? Go and sort out whatever foolish suspicions you have with him. He wanted to talk to you anyway. He’s down by the transporters.”

He stayed in that stance, staring at the wall, arms crossed tightly over his chest even after he’d heard the door close behind Lister. He knew it was all another game, another attempt at tugging his emotional strings from the person who’d been his puppet-master for so many years. But damn that little bastard was a good actor...

Lister wandered down the fifteen flights of the emergency stairwell, playing over the argument with Rimmer in his head. He knew he shouldn’t have lost his temper and let the row escalate the way it had done but in all truth he was hurt that Rimmer had taken sides so resolutely against him. After all the years they’d spent together he’d have thought that if nothing else he’d have gained enough of Rimmer’s respect for the hologram to at least listen to his concerns. Maybe he really was overreacting about this whole thing. Maybe his pride had been so wounded by the fact that somebody simply didn’t like him that he’d blown this whole thing out of proportion. What did that say about him as a person, that he was willing to label someone as dangerous and unstable just because they didn’t want to be his friend? Self-centred was what it said. He’d been sailing along for all these years, happy in the knowledge that Kryten and Cat always had his back and that Rimmer...well...that despite all the squabbles and insults there was a part of Rimmer that cared about him in an awkward and uncomfortable way, even if he’d never say it aloud. But had he been kidding himself all this time?

Maybe he’d been able to convince himself over the years that one Rimmer, despite appearances, didn’t despise him so much as he claimed. But now that there were two of them it was much harder to ignore the animosity and maybe he had to face the fact that he’d been viewing their relationship with rose-tinted glasses over the past few years. Maybe they’d never been as close as he thought.

He was going to have to do something to make all this right. He had to try and do better for the sake of the whole crew. And he could start by apologizing to Rimmer’s double about what had happened in the night.

When he entered the transport bay one of the little ships was humming cheerfully, its lights on and engine purring healthily. Rimmer’s double was in the cockpit, apparently running some checks, but he stopped what he was doing when he saw Lister enter and came down to meet him. “Hey,” Lister said warmly, “You got one of them working again! Nice one!”

“It should meet requirements,” the double replied coolly. Lister cleared his throat,

“Listen, man, I wanted to say sorry. About last night. You just made me jump, that’s all, and it was dark and it had been such a long day...I didn’t mean to be a jerk. So I‘m sorry I turned it into a big deal. And I’m sorry about what I said.”

“Whatever,” the double turned around and started rifling through a box sitting by the gangplank; a collection of useful items he’d found while searching the ship. Lister deflated a little. He hadn’t expected a mutual apology, this was Rimmer after all, but he’d expected something. This was obviously going to be harder than he’d thought. “So...er...Rimmer mentioned that you wanted to talk to me?” he ventured tentatively.

“I did,” the double agreed. He found what he’d been looking for in the box and straightened up, “But not here.”

He spun around and before Lister had time to react something hard connected with the side of his skull and black lights exploded in his head. He dropped to the ground, dazed. When he risked opening his eyes again, his vision swam sickeningly. Rimmer’s face hovered above him, wavering as though he were seeing it from underwater. He was holding something in his hand, small and dark, pointing it at Lister’s face. “Perhaps you’d be kind enough to join me on my ship,” he said charmingly. Through the ringing in Lister’s ears it sounded as though he’d shouted the words into a deep cave. “What?” he said weakly. Rimmer bent over him and now he could see what he was holding. It was a gun. Blood glistened on the end of the muzzle and he felt its wetness as Rimmer’s double pressed it to his forehead. “Let me put it to you another way,” he said, “You will come with me. You will do what I say. Or I will shoot you in the head. Now move.”

Double Trouble - Part 8

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