Red Dwarf Slash

*sighs* "You know, I don't think you appreciate the magnitude of the sacrifice I make. Between your lyrical belching, that dying-from-choking-on-lutefisk-like noise you call guitar playing, those curries you endlessly slob down your gullet that both leave fluorescent stains on my sheets and clouds of flatulence in my bunk that make me quail in fear when you light your morning cigarette, for fear that you'll ignite an explosion that will tear this tinfoil lander apart, that sixteen-cigarette-a-day habit, and the way you blubber like a girl when you watch those smegging romantic movies... well, if there were any public left in this universe, it would be a considerably gracious act on my part for you to be seen with me in it, miladdio."