Vignette - Diary. R/L implied. PG.
Jun. 12th, 2006 01:58 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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reddwarfslashThis is a short, silly thing that came to me when watching Blue and watching Kochanski laughing when they came out through the Toodle Pipski door. This is an excerpt from Kochanski's diary; for the purposes of this ficlet, she wrote it in the form of letters to her Dave.
Spoilers for Oroborous, Stoke Me A Clipper, and Blue.
Dave:
I missed you today. I miss you every day - you know that! - but today, particularly. I finally got around to suggesting the Opera Game for games night, and this Cat and this Dave looked at me like I was mad. I tried to explain, and I would swear that he has never heard of The Magic Flute. Oh, Dave, I think I am going to go mad! Regular cottage cheese. No pineapple chunks. No bath salts. No mountain strawberry hair conditioner. One pair of shoes. No you. Just... loud pipes, and grease-stained corridors, and the smell of cigarettes and old sweat and farts everywhere, and that bloody parallel of Kryten who seems to have this strange fixation to your opposite, and hates me because he thinks I'll run away with that bum! I'm in hell, honey, really I am.
Ah, but you would have laughed at the next bit, and I wish you could be here to do so! Lister complained of strange dreams about Rimmer - you remember Rimmer, don't you? That snarky bastard you used to bunk with. I barely remember him. But he was apparently the hologram for this Dave. From what I can tell, he changed just as you did... well, not quite as you did. I can't imagine this Dave bringing him to the heights of culture you achieved, dear. Actually, from the AR program Kryten made, it looks like he remained a bastard. Yes, Kryten constructed an AR program from Rimmer's diary, to show his Dave what a stuck-up bastard Rimmer was. It does make me wonder why he cared so much about this Dave hating Rimmer; after all, he seemed fine after I spoke with him (you always did tell me I could fix anything, love, but it really did always come down to just talking about it). In any case, the program had AR simulations of the rest of the crew, according to how Rimmer saw them. The man was obviously utterly full of himself. When we left, this Dave was using language that, if you had picked up, you knew better than to use around me. But I could not help laughing! You see, if it was really how Rimmer viewed the crew - well, Kryten was an overgrown maid, and Cat had the fashion sense of a guidance counselor. But Dave? I mean, this Dave? Togged up in black leather, squeaky clean, face all macho and angular - I don't know how this Dave could have missed it. It is as plain as the cottage cheese in this blasted place that Rimmer fancied him. I almost told him, too - but if the most that Rimmer does in his dreams is to smile and joke, what good would that do? The poor fellow is dead - again - and gone. Ah, it is too bad that Kryten couldn't just let Dave have his fond memories of Rimmer, and leave it at that. There's something wrong with that mechanoid, I tell you. He is not getting his paws on my diary.
Miss you.
Spoilers for Oroborous, Stoke Me A Clipper, and Blue.
Dave:
I missed you today. I miss you every day - you know that! - but today, particularly. I finally got around to suggesting the Opera Game for games night, and this Cat and this Dave looked at me like I was mad. I tried to explain, and I would swear that he has never heard of The Magic Flute. Oh, Dave, I think I am going to go mad! Regular cottage cheese. No pineapple chunks. No bath salts. No mountain strawberry hair conditioner. One pair of shoes. No you. Just... loud pipes, and grease-stained corridors, and the smell of cigarettes and old sweat and farts everywhere, and that bloody parallel of Kryten who seems to have this strange fixation to your opposite, and hates me because he thinks I'll run away with that bum! I'm in hell, honey, really I am.
Ah, but you would have laughed at the next bit, and I wish you could be here to do so! Lister complained of strange dreams about Rimmer - you remember Rimmer, don't you? That snarky bastard you used to bunk with. I barely remember him. But he was apparently the hologram for this Dave. From what I can tell, he changed just as you did... well, not quite as you did. I can't imagine this Dave bringing him to the heights of culture you achieved, dear. Actually, from the AR program Kryten made, it looks like he remained a bastard. Yes, Kryten constructed an AR program from Rimmer's diary, to show his Dave what a stuck-up bastard Rimmer was. It does make me wonder why he cared so much about this Dave hating Rimmer; after all, he seemed fine after I spoke with him (you always did tell me I could fix anything, love, but it really did always come down to just talking about it). In any case, the program had AR simulations of the rest of the crew, according to how Rimmer saw them. The man was obviously utterly full of himself. When we left, this Dave was using language that, if you had picked up, you knew better than to use around me. But I could not help laughing! You see, if it was really how Rimmer viewed the crew - well, Kryten was an overgrown maid, and Cat had the fashion sense of a guidance counselor. But Dave? I mean, this Dave? Togged up in black leather, squeaky clean, face all macho and angular - I don't know how this Dave could have missed it. It is as plain as the cottage cheese in this blasted place that Rimmer fancied him. I almost told him, too - but if the most that Rimmer does in his dreams is to smile and joke, what good would that do? The poor fellow is dead - again - and gone. Ah, it is too bad that Kryten couldn't just let Dave have his fond memories of Rimmer, and leave it at that. There's something wrong with that mechanoid, I tell you. He is not getting his paws on my diary.
Miss you.
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Date: 2006-06-12 09:09 pm (UTC)*snort* Yeah, I have some ideas about "her Dave". Might be a fic coming...
It is as plain as the cottage cheese in this blasted place that Rimmer fancied him.
*applauds* You are so right. Never struck me before, but OMG - so plain. It's right there! And I have to say, Series VII Lister in make-up? Not... *cough* Too bad. Ahem. *feels sick and wrong*
I almost told him, too - but if the most that Rimmer does in his dreams is to smile and joke, what good would that do?
Head, meet desk. Well. Couch. I'm not complaining, it's softer. Still.
*headcouch*
no subject
Date: 2006-06-12 09:57 pm (UTC)Heh, I thought of this after we had that little men-in-makeup conversation. Rimmer-in-too-much-makeup is the card for VII, and I was thinking he looks damn good, in an odd way... and then I thought that too-much-makeup-Lister looked damn good, in an odd way - and hey, this is Rimmer's fantasy, isn't it?
Ach, that is the story of canon Red Dwarf slash, for the most part, IMO - so close, then head on nearest available surface. I think staying by that couch is a good move.
*blush* Thankee, ma'am!
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Date: 2006-06-12 10:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-12 10:53 pm (UTC)Oooh, more evil slash brainfodder.
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Date: 2006-06-12 11:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-12 11:12 pm (UTC)Here's toomuchmakeup!Rimmer and silly!Cat (http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e204/holodonkeh/Blue/blue40.jpg), from
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Date: 2006-06-12 11:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-13 05:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-13 07:53 pm (UTC)Someday soon...
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Date: 2006-06-13 12:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-13 05:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-13 12:33 am (UTC)All right; here we are (did this quick and dirty):
Kryten (http://home.online.no/~cobos/PDVD_000.jpg)
Lister (and Cat) (http://home.online.no/~cobos/PDVD_001.jpg)
And finally, an observation I made on Lister's costume, as imagined by Rimmer (http://home.online.no/~cobos/PDVD_003.jpg). Hm....
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Date: 2006-06-13 05:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-13 07:05 am (UTC)Aaah... I'm not gonna complain. Mmmm... Duct Soup...
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Date: 2006-06-13 06:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-13 06:13 am (UTC)Great fic. This part of Blue always makes me so angry at Kryten! Why can't he leave it alone, damn him?
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Date: 2006-06-13 10:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-14 10:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-13 06:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-13 10:56 pm (UTC)