Ficlet - Metaphor. PG.
Nov. 27th, 2006 01:37 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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kahvi's Meltdown caps. Crit is always good.
All right, you triple-damned smegging space bum, it's time we got something straight.
It took me a little time to cool down from your last prank. That one was just above and beyond. Yes, I know you're tasteless and uncouth and crass and, in all ways, an utter and complete jackarse, but that one - well, I didn't think my respect for you could get any lower. Guess what, miladdio - it did. I still can't speak to you, so I had Bob rig up this tape recorder so I could record an irate message for you. Is it running? Good. Do I sound irate? Good.
Now, a deep breath. You heard that? In through the nose, out through the mouth. Very relaxing.
I will, despite my utterly justified and completely understandable irritation, attempt to be rational about this. Now, Lister, we both know that I'm just a projection of light. But you're just a sack of carbon and water and a few other elements tossed in, aren't you? So don't go pretending that you're somehow more of a person than I am because you're not dead. Now, when I have my projection off and am just my light bee, I'm still me. It's not like you've turned off a film and can just play Frisbee with the disc, and the people on the film won't know or care. No, I can still feel and hear and see. It's more like - well, like a regular human with his kit off. Now, Listy, would it be right for me to take advantage of you when you had your clothes off and were helpless? Would it be right for me to just walk over and pick you up and fondle you? To pop you in my mouth and roll you around, sucking like you were some type of lolly, knowing you were helpless to do anything about it?
Of course not. Think about it, Listy. Try to have a little consideration. Try to have a little respect. Think about what it was like for me when you just reached in and turned off my projection. Invasive, it was. And what you did afterwards! It would be, if you can forgive an extended metaphor, like me pulling your clothes off, and you helpless to prevent it - and then me sucking you down and swallowing you. Just imagine, Listy.
Point made?
I certainly hope so. I very much hope you have enough consideration and respect to think about what you've done, and to find some slightly loftier area in your dank, lager-drenched soul to guide yourself in the future.
If not, I'll get the skutters to drop a garbage pod on your head the next time you're on your way to your midafternoon breakfast.
kahvi's Meltdown caps. Crit is always good.All right, you triple-damned smegging space bum, it's time we got something straight.
It took me a little time to cool down from your last prank. That one was just above and beyond. Yes, I know you're tasteless and uncouth and crass and, in all ways, an utter and complete jackarse, but that one - well, I didn't think my respect for you could get any lower. Guess what, miladdio - it did. I still can't speak to you, so I had Bob rig up this tape recorder so I could record an irate message for you. Is it running? Good. Do I sound irate? Good.
Now, a deep breath. You heard that? In through the nose, out through the mouth. Very relaxing.
I will, despite my utterly justified and completely understandable irritation, attempt to be rational about this. Now, Lister, we both know that I'm just a projection of light. But you're just a sack of carbon and water and a few other elements tossed in, aren't you? So don't go pretending that you're somehow more of a person than I am because you're not dead. Now, when I have my projection off and am just my light bee, I'm still me. It's not like you've turned off a film and can just play Frisbee with the disc, and the people on the film won't know or care. No, I can still feel and hear and see. It's more like - well, like a regular human with his kit off. Now, Listy, would it be right for me to take advantage of you when you had your clothes off and were helpless? Would it be right for me to just walk over and pick you up and fondle you? To pop you in my mouth and roll you around, sucking like you were some type of lolly, knowing you were helpless to do anything about it?
Of course not. Think about it, Listy. Try to have a little consideration. Try to have a little respect. Think about what it was like for me when you just reached in and turned off my projection. Invasive, it was. And what you did afterwards! It would be, if you can forgive an extended metaphor, like me pulling your clothes off, and you helpless to prevent it - and then me sucking you down and swallowing you. Just imagine, Listy.
Point made?
I certainly hope so. I very much hope you have enough consideration and respect to think about what you've done, and to find some slightly loftier area in your dank, lager-drenched soul to guide yourself in the future.
If not, I'll get the skutters to drop a garbage pod on your head the next time you're on your way to your midafternoon breakfast.
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no subject
Date: 2006-11-27 10:50 pm (UTC)So don't go pretending that you're somehow more of a person than I am because you're not dead
Love.
Such a rational explanation this. And yet I can somehow imagine Lister getting distracted from the point Rimmer was trying to make about the invasion of his privacy:
Just imagine, Listy
Indeed.
Lovely afterthought. The skutters are ever so useful, aren't they?
no subject
Date: 2006-11-28 05:31 am (UTC)Lister being distracted? *snort* Yes, him and his one-track mind, Rimmer scoffs. :D
no subject
Date: 2006-11-27 11:04 pm (UTC)Eeep.
(Oh, all right. ;) )
no subject
Date: 2006-11-27 11:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-28 05:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-28 11:36 am (UTC)For a moment there I was going to quote the whole thing. :P Loverly. Instead, I'll just quote this:
Would it be right for me to just walk over and pick you up and fondle you? To pop you in my mouth and roll you around, sucking like you were some type of lolly, knowing you were helpless to do anything about it?
I made a funny (loud) noise and Ant threatened to kill me. He's watching CSI, you see.
Love it! :D
no subject
Date: 2006-12-01 04:57 am (UTC)Thanks, ma'am!
no subject
Date: 2006-12-01 04:01 am (UTC)I imagine so. ;)
BTW, I love your Rimmer.
no subject
Date: 2006-12-01 04:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-01 12:20 pm (UTC)But! Anyway. I like it! And it made me wonder if Rimmer was aware of all the sexual implications in his speech :D Either ways, I luvs him :)