Vignette - Honey. PG-13.
Apr. 1st, 2007 09:34 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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reddwarfslashYet another meme-vignette. This particular vignette also goes into my ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
fanfic100 challenge - my table. It takes place in VII, post-Tikka and pre-Stoke. Thanks to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kahvi for catching a BrE error.
"Lister?"
Lister turned the page of his comic and shifted his booted feet slightly on the midsection table, but did not respond. Rimmer crossed his arms and tried to glare a hole through the pages of the comic. "Lister. What did you do to my copy of 245 Greatest Military Uniforms of Terran History? It's... sticky." Rimmer held up the book in question. His fingers adhered gently to something gummy on its surface.
Lister remained silent. Rimmer slammed the book down on the table and snatched Lister's comic. "Oi!" Lister yelled, grabbing for the magazine. Rimmer whipped it behind his back. "That's mine!"
"Well, if you want it back, tell me what you did to my book!" Rimmer snarled. His snarls always had a bit of a nasal whine, and he cringed inside. Why could he not snarl in a more manly fashion? Like Howard?
Lister spread his hands slightly. "I just wanted to take a looksee, right? Yeh really seemed excited about that book when yeh found it."
"And?" Rimmer asked, his nostrils twitching.
Lister shrugged. "It was borin' as smegging hell, so I put it back."
Rimmer leaned forward, enunciating each word unnecessarily. Well, perhaps it was necessary - to get the words through Lister's thick skull. "How... did... it... get... stiiicccky?"
"I musta still had honey on me fingers," Lister said, holding out his hand.
Rimmer did not return the magazine. "Honey?"
"Yeah. Now give me that back."
Honey. "Lister - where did you get honey?"
"Last derelict. Kryters found it and gave it to me to put in me tea."
Rimmer's jaw worked while he processed this. He eventually thought of a few irate words for his jaw to work on. "Lister! I have been drinking sour urine re-cyc tea sweetened with two-million-year-old birthday cake sprinkles for months. And you've had honey all this time?" His face became hot as he yelled. That smegger!
"I didn't think yeh liked honey." If Rimmer had been in any state to notice, he would have seen that Lister was no longer reaching for his comic. He was not in any state to notice.
"Didn't think I liked honey? I love honey! I had it with my tea every day back when I was still alive!" Rimmer paused. That statement needed qualification. "Well, Holly only gave me sugar in my tea. But it's only because he said he didn't understand my accent when I asked for honey." Rimmer snorted. Stupid smegging demented git.
"So - yeh like honey." Lister sat back in his chair, his hands crossed over his stomach.
"Yes!" Rimmer barked.
"I'll give yeh some," Lister said, a grin tugging at his mouth.
Rimmer crossed his arms, the comic still held between two fingers. That was a rather easy acquiescence, and he didn't trust it. "You will?"
"On one condition," Lister said.
Ah, there it came. The Condition. Lister never did anything spontaneously nice for A.J. Rimmer. "What?" he asked, warily.
"That yeh lick it off."
"Of what?"
An hour or so later, Rimmer had to admit that as conditions went, this one wasn't so bad.
But he was still smegged off about his book.
fanfic100 challenge - my table. It takes place in VII, post-Tikka and pre-Stoke. Thanks to kahvi for catching a BrE error."Lister?"
Lister turned the page of his comic and shifted his booted feet slightly on the midsection table, but did not respond. Rimmer crossed his arms and tried to glare a hole through the pages of the comic. "Lister. What did you do to my copy of 245 Greatest Military Uniforms of Terran History? It's... sticky." Rimmer held up the book in question. His fingers adhered gently to something gummy on its surface.
Lister remained silent. Rimmer slammed the book down on the table and snatched Lister's comic. "Oi!" Lister yelled, grabbing for the magazine. Rimmer whipped it behind his back. "That's mine!"
"Well, if you want it back, tell me what you did to my book!" Rimmer snarled. His snarls always had a bit of a nasal whine, and he cringed inside. Why could he not snarl in a more manly fashion? Like Howard?
Lister spread his hands slightly. "I just wanted to take a looksee, right? Yeh really seemed excited about that book when yeh found it."
"And?" Rimmer asked, his nostrils twitching.
Lister shrugged. "It was borin' as smegging hell, so I put it back."
Rimmer leaned forward, enunciating each word unnecessarily. Well, perhaps it was necessary - to get the words through Lister's thick skull. "How... did... it... get... stiiicccky?"
"I musta still had honey on me fingers," Lister said, holding out his hand.
Rimmer did not return the magazine. "Honey?"
"Yeah. Now give me that back."
Honey. "Lister - where did you get honey?"
"Last derelict. Kryters found it and gave it to me to put in me tea."
Rimmer's jaw worked while he processed this. He eventually thought of a few irate words for his jaw to work on. "Lister! I have been drinking sour urine re-cyc tea sweetened with two-million-year-old birthday cake sprinkles for months. And you've had honey all this time?" His face became hot as he yelled. That smegger!
"I didn't think yeh liked honey." If Rimmer had been in any state to notice, he would have seen that Lister was no longer reaching for his comic. He was not in any state to notice.
"Didn't think I liked honey? I love honey! I had it with my tea every day back when I was still alive!" Rimmer paused. That statement needed qualification. "Well, Holly only gave me sugar in my tea. But it's only because he said he didn't understand my accent when I asked for honey." Rimmer snorted. Stupid smegging demented git.
"So - yeh like honey." Lister sat back in his chair, his hands crossed over his stomach.
"Yes!" Rimmer barked.
"I'll give yeh some," Lister said, a grin tugging at his mouth.
Rimmer crossed his arms, the comic still held between two fingers. That was a rather easy acquiescence, and he didn't trust it. "You will?"
"On one condition," Lister said.
Ah, there it came. The Condition. Lister never did anything spontaneously nice for A.J. Rimmer. "What?" he asked, warily.
"That yeh lick it off."
"Of what?"
An hour or so later, Rimmer had to admit that as conditions went, this one wasn't so bad.
But he was still smegged off about his book.
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no subject
Date: 2007-04-01 05:49 pm (UTC)There's a lot of food in RD, isn't there? I don't like honey myself, but I think in this case I'd make an exception...
Still love it.
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Date: 2007-04-02 05:40 am (UTC)Aww, thanks!
no subject
Date: 2007-04-04 04:58 am (UTC)I must confess, this confused me a bit. It feels like there's more than immediately obvious, but I don't know what. I try to mentally replay Rimmer asking for honey, but I can't come up with how it might be confusing. Was it just Holly being difficult?
Lister! I have been drinking sour urine re-cyc tea sweetened with two-million-year-old birthday cake sprinkles for months.
A lovely touch. If there's ever anything recognizably sweet that would last several million years without spoiling, disentegrating, or changing in any way, it would be those things.
An hour or so later, Rimmer had to admit that as conditions went, this one wasn't so bad.
An hour? That's more than some people have in a lifetime! Sad, lonely people.
If anyone other than Lister had provided him with four times his lifetime quantity of sexual experience, he'd have said something nicer than 'it wasn't so bad' I'd guess. But with Lister, he'd probably just stick to "Well, it wasn't as bad as going without honey."