Fic: Made For Action - R/L (imp) - PG

[kahvi.livejournal.com]

Title: Made For Action
Pairing: Rimmer/Lister (implied)
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: To my knowledge, I don't own any fandom at all, nor do I make money from any of them. Pity.
Spoilers: Legion
Notes: Just a quickie with some innuendo-ish implications. Inspired by an aside from roadstergal, the quote blatantly stolen and used here without her permission. I beg forgiveness.



Turning the lights on with the kind of enthusiasm Lister could only guess was due to his not yet having gotten over the novelty of corporeality, Rimmer swirled around, and beamed. "So what did you think?"

Lister shrugged. "Dunno. It's Star Trek. Just like any of the Star Trek shows, you know? It was better than that one with the lady with the scary hair, but not as good as the one with that hot chick with that thing on her nose." He pointed to the bridge of his nose to illustrate. There had been less spandex, and very few hot alien women in this one. Two points heavily in its disfavor, to Lister's mind.

Rimmer snorted. "Women. That's all you ever care about."

"Yeah, well, what else is there?" Lister got up, yawning.

"What..." Rimmer huffed in indignation. "Adventure! Exploration! Brave men going where no other men have gone before!"

Taking the quickest route to the kitchen - Rimmer having refused him to drink more than half a sixpack during the screening - Lister shook his head. "Not my thing."

"I should say not indeed," Rimmer snapped, hot on his heels. He did seem very excited about this, Lister mused. Well, he got excited about the oddest things. Wars, strategy games, haircuts... "I wouldn't expect you for a moment to understand this sort of thing."

"Then why'd ye show it to me?"

"Who else is there? Cat runs away the moment he hears the viewer charging up, and Kryten keeps going on about not having enough heads left to risk." Rimmer leaned heavily against a cabinet, his lip twisting in displeasure. "I dunno," he added, as Lister fished out a can of lager from the fridge and popped it open, "maybe I keep thinking you'll learn something."

The beer gushed soothingly down his throat, and Lister instantly felt much better. "Like what?"

"Like the importance of a good haircut, for example."

Nearly choking on his next mouthfull of lager, Lister spluttered, "haircut?"

"Yes!" There was nothing but earnest seriousness in Rimmer's expression. "Sensibly short hair, practically styled. A good quality side-parting can make or break a military man. They need haircuts made for action."

Clearly, one beer would not be enough to get through this conversation. "Yer not serious."

"All of the great commanders of the past had left parts, miladdio! Look at Captain Archer. The first man to captain a human space ship on an intergalactic mission; obviously a brilliant commander," Rimmer pointed to the side of Lister's head, as if to indicate what wasn't there, "left side parting!"

Swallowing the rest of the can in one go, Lister hugged himself protectively. This was getting a little too weird, even for Rimmer. "Why left?"

"To air out the important part of the brain; the logical, rational, analytical part of it. That's on the left, you know." Rimmer pointed to his own head, which did not, of course, have an actual brain within it. His brain was in what appeared to be his gut, hidden inside the self-contained projection unit that was his light bee. Lister did not think, however, that this was a good time to make that particular point.

"Whatever you say." Lister tried to push past him, but Rimmer stopped him with by planting a palm straight on his chest. This was not good; Rimmer was not usually the touching kind. "Eh?"

Rimmer looked down on him with a look so imploring and helpless that Lister almost felt sick. "Just... stay for another episode, would you?" He blinked, as if trying to draw in oxygen (which he didn't need anyway) in through his eyelids. Realizing he was just a beat short of saying 'please', Lister spared him the agony.

"All right. It wasn't that bad. I quite enjoyed the bit with where the Captain had to share his oxygen with that plummy-mouthed Brit."

Instantly relaxing, Rimmer clicked his tongue in disapproval. "Reed is the only qualified officer that outfit has got! I certainly hope Archer apreciates him."

"Rimmer, they're fictional characters," Lister protested, sneaking out another sixpack in behind his back. Settling back into his seat, he did his best to look bored out of his skull, but as soon as the lights were off, he took a deep pull on his drink to hide his smile.

Comments

[roadstergal.livejournal.com]

Oh dear lord.

And I just finished capping Minefield!

Archer and his manly left part (http://pics.livejournal.com/roadstergal/pic/003c3wdb/g134).

It's impossible to pick just one Perfectly Straight cap from that ep, but how about this one (http://pics.livejournal.com/roadstergal/pic/003d9cyw/g134)?

There had been less spandex, and very few hot alien women in this one. Two points heavily in its disfavor, to Lister's mind.

Would he have preferred the pilot? Triple-breasted alien women! Heck, no wonder Rimmer likes it.

Brave men going where no other men have gone before!

Into each others' pants!

Sensibly short hair, practically styled. A good quality side-parting can make or break a military man. They need haircuts made for action.

Rimmer love.

To air out the important part of the brain; the logical, rational, analytical part of it. That's on the left, you know.

I so love that Rimmer has an explanation for this. And that it's so good.

He blinked, as if trying to draw in oxygen (which he didn't need anyway) in through his eyelids.

Lovely image.

[kahvi.livejournal.com]

That is possibly the straightest cap I have ever seen. And I've seen some choice ones, as you know.

Into each others' pants!
I miss watching things with you...

Rimmer likes the manly part of the brain. Not the girly hippie bits of it. He's glad you approve.

Always thrilled to hear that my Rimmer fits. Mmm... fit Rimmer... Erm... It's too late. Early. Whichever. *beats up internal clock*

Yay feedback! :D

[kahvi.livejournal.com]

Glad you enjoyed it! Ah, but to have beer and watch ENT... (And having the boys around for it wouldn't be bad either!)

[iris-summers.livejournal.com]

Hee! I love this lil semi cross-over of RD with Enterprise. And why am I not surprised that Rimmer likes Reed, or that he looks up to Archer? I like to think of Lister as Trip... =) Esp. since I like Reed/Trip. Heh. Lovely pre-slash!

[roadstergal.livejournal.com]

And why am I not surprised that Rimmer likes Reed

Two of the most obviously closested gay men in space!

(IMO.)

:D

[iris-summers.livejournal.com]

Very possibly! ^^ And both their names begin with a delicious rolling-off-your-tongue "R". And they're both a bit anti-social. And they look up to authority and like observing formalities. And easy-going, friendly male colleagues that they ostensibly can't stand! XD

[roadstergal.livejournal.com]

And they both have this thing about good hair. And they both had strict military families that they let down, in one way or the other. They both have this thing about water (although Rimmer can't swim and Reed can).

I wonder if Reed was a member of the Celibates Society?

(I slash Archer/Reed like a M-F, but I can see where the Trip/Reed people are coming from. ;) )

[kahvi.livejournal.com]

I wonder if Reed was a member of the Celibates Society?

Done. Hey, all you need to do is ask, you know. :D

[roadstergal.livejournal.com]

Will you marry me? I mean, part-time is fine.

[kahvi.livejournal.com]

*note to self: need bigger venue*

[kahvi.livejournal.com]

See, the funny thing is, Trip is my favorite ENT character. Well, as far as shaggability (did I just say that) goes. And the parallels did strike me! Glad you enjoyed it! :D

[roadstergal.livejournal.com]

You did.

[iris-summers.livejournal.com]

Man... And poor Reed's sex life is gone... just like that. ROTFL.

[roadstergal.livejournal.com]

You think he actually had sex with the girls he wanted to write to in Shuttlepod One, or was he just waiting for one of the women in Engineering to get hit on the head with a winch?

[iris-summers.livejournal.com]

Well... I'm not sure either. But man, I'd totally hit that if it was available, so I'm thinking that he *probably* managed to get at least *one* of them. Even if it turned out to be impossibly awkward and messy and he just felt kinda relieved when it was all over. *lol*

[kahvi.livejournal.com]

Are you giving me plot bunnies? You'd better not be giving me plot bunnies; have you seen the height of my WIP pile? ;)

[roadstergal.livejournal.com]

I can help!

Er, I can help make the pile bigger. :) Toss me that Trip/Reed in whatever state you have it in, and I'll work on it...

[kahvi.livejournal.com]

*digs into pile* Oh, the things in here...

[iris-summers.livejournal.com]

Them plot bunnies sure are evil critters. *nods solemnly*

[roadstergal.livejournal.com]

Remember the bit in Future Tense when he talked about all of those "awkward first dates?" I just said - uh-huh, I bet. Of course, I'd hit it, too, but still - I have a sense that you'd leave a first date with Reed thinking, "Why are you dating women?"

[kahvi.livejournal.com]

This, for some reason, made me consider what a date with Rimmer might be like. That wouldn't be the only thing you'd be asking yourself then, I'd bet...

[roadstergal.livejournal.com]

POV of the girl in the back of the car that he refers to in Marooned. Telling the story of the date to a friend of hers later?

"I just got this sense that he'd rather have had sex with the car."

[kahvi.livejournal.com]

"I'm telling ya Doris, 'e was all over it! Undressing it with his eyes, like. Well, I wasn't wearing any knickers or anything; you know, I was looking for a nice time, but we he interested? Was 'e bleeding hell!"

(I just like the idea of the very class concious Rimmer going out with a girl who spoke like that.)

[iris-summers.livejournal.com]

Heh. It'd probably be "Why are you even dating at all?" But then he'd do or say something that's just so incredibly woobie-ish, and you'd be all "Oh yeah... that's why." Well... that and I think Chris Barrie is just so utterly shaggable, especially in the first few seasons. XD