Fic: Valentines – PG

[sunny-bexster.livejournal.com]

Title: Valentines
Pairing: A slight dusting of Lister/Rimmer
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Aint mine!

Notes: I've been meaning to post something along the lines of a fic to this community for yonks now, but I felt it would be rude of me to turn up empty handed so to speak. I'm fully aware it's nowhere near Valentines day but this was the first half decent thing I'd wrote in many moons, and it was slash - I hope you can bear it, I recieve con-crit with open arms!

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Life often took Arnold Rimmer by surprise, so much so that he had now prompted himself on what to do when surprised, so he was effectively, unsurprised by whatever had surprised him in the first place. But perhaps, arguably the single most surprising thing that every happened to Rimmer occurred one day, completely and totally out of the blue and presented to him by none other than his room of mate of many a year, David Lister.

The day had started fairly innocently, it's events blurring into grayish insignificance like it had done countless times before. He had been sat alone in the midsection, pouring over another dusty tome salvaged from some long forgotten dialect, a shadow fell across the page causing him to frown and sigh in a heartfelt manner. After several seconds the owner of the shadow had failed to make himself scarce so Rimmer was forced to look up, he was unsurprised to see Lister stood before him.

He'd been expecting this, when faced with long periods of time filled with nothing of particular interest, Lister resorted to one of his favorite hobbies - 'Rimmer baiting'. The game was simple, annoy Rimmer until he 'looses it' - 10 points per insult, 50 points for a raised voice, 70 points for flailing arms, 100 points for excessive shouting and a whopping 500 points if you annoy him enough to make him keel over and hyperventilate. Naturally, on a good day Lister could tally up enough points to rival NASA's end of year invoices.

“Hey” he said simply – eloquence was clearly not this mans forte.

Rimmer treated Lister to one of his more contemptuous looks and watched as the little git shuffled about, arms folded behind his back, fingers fiddling with some unseen object. He smiled expectantly but said nothing.

Realizing this wasn't going to be a fleeting visit, Rimmer placed his book down on the table “I trust there is a reason for you annoying me like this” he said, as Lister slid into the seat opposite him, his arms still folded neatly away behind him “And obviously I mean apart from interrupting my attempts at doing something intellectually challenging and rewarding just for the hell of it!”

Lister gave a short nod and leaned forward, clearly he hadn't listened to anything Rimmer said otherwise he wouldn't have responded with “D'you know what day it is?”

“Tuesday” muttered Rimmer in return “Now smeg off, I'm busy”

“No” said Lister, “I mean, apart from that. What day is it?”

“It can't be another of your birthdays” he said testily, “You celebrate it all year for smegs sake, how many happy returns d'you want?”

“Rimmer do you seriously not know what day it is?” demanded Lister

There was something in Lister's voice, a tone that made Rimmer sit up and pay attention. Upon closer inspection, he saw how the humans breathing was fast and erratic, as if nerves had gotten the better of his respiratory system, he was wearing a shirt that was not only new but also freshly pressed and, amazingly, stain free – this was enough to unnerve Rimmer. He sat back and conceded defeat - “Okay I give up, tell me...”

There was a pause, Lister's mouth twitched into a smile, "Rimmer, it's Valentines Day!"

A lengthy silence occurred - the pair sat and stared at each other, Lister still looking expectant whilst Rimmer's face slowly turned to stone "Is that all?" he said, incredulous that the little git would pester him over something so stupidly insignificant. "Well thanks for reminding me Listy, I'll make sure I take even greater care not to give a smeg this year - it's lucky you remembered, or else I'd forgotten all about this pointless, shamefully marketed excuse for a holiday!"

There was another pause, an even longer one this time and though he couldn't feel it, Rimmer swore that the room had gotten colder.

Eventually Lister opened his mouth to speak but then thought better of it, closing his eyes for a second or two he lifted his hands up to the table and wordlessly pushed a card at Rimmer, who froze in surprise. His gaze was torn between the red enveloped card that lay between him and Lister, who's brown eyes were shining with some sordid mixture of excitement and disappointment.

It was Rimmer's turn to be lost for words, his brain fumbled frantically for something, anything to say but every phrase, every word and every syllable slipped through it's grasp, leaving him frustratingly mute. Lister performed one last smile before rising from the chair and walking out of the room, pausing only to give him one last lingering and longing look.

It was some time before Rimmer had worked up enough courage to pick up the card, he turned it over in his hands, obsessing over every detail no matter how small. Lister had made it himself, which was a sweet enough thought but Rimmer couldn't help but wonder how much nicer the card would've been if Lister had spent more than 97 minutes at Art College.

Finally, with trembling hands, he opened the card. His head spun as he read the untidy scrawl Lister had left inside "Be my smeghead" - A laugh somehow dislodged it's self from Rimmer's voice box and jumped out into parts beyond, his chest tingled with a strange, seldom felt feeling - not necessarily unpleasant but it was decidedly odd. So odd in fact, it scared him.

He grunted before shaking his head, as if slipping back into his role of A Grade Smeg Head! He told himself that Valentines Day was and will forever be a stupid holiday, it made couples feel superior and single people feel lousy. It singlehandedly wrecked marriages, destroyed relationships and tore people apart.

But that didn't stop Rimmer sleeping with Lister's card tucked safely under his pillow that night.

 

Comments

[eastpath.livejournal.com]

Awwwww... great last line :D

[queen-fiend.livejournal.com]

Oh, the cuteness! I loved it. :D

[musicisavictim.livejournal.com]

Lister would take V-Day VERY seriously.

[laurenthemself]

Awww! How sweet!

[amy-wolf.livejournal.com]

I think the line about Lister spending 97 hours at art college must be a typo? He wasn't there nearly that long (just a few hours, right?), and that would be kind of a lot.

[sunny-bexster.livejournal.com]

*blushes* Right you are! Thanks for pointing that out.

[erinptah]

Typos: "it's events" should be "its events", "looses it" should be "loses it", "mans" should be "man's", "it's grasp" should be "its grasp", "it's self" should be "itself".

Very sweet! I like Lister's notion of a valentine. And of course Rimmer's reaction: denial and dismissal, as usual, but he can't blow it off completely.