Fic: Tattoo - PG13

[sunny-bexster.livejournal.com]

Title: Tattoo
Pairing: Rimmer/Lister
Disclaimer: Aint mine
Rating: PG13
Notes: I had this idea wriggling its way around my head for some time now! 

(Also - I'm quite proud of myself, this if the first slash fic where I've brought myself to write the word 'erection' - I'm a novice yes....)

If there was one thing that Rimmer found really off-putting in bed, it had to be Petersen.

Well, not Petersen per say - he was long dead, his lanky, hairy Danish body reduced to a pile of radioactive power. It was Lister’s tattoo, the inky black proclamation of ‘I love Petersen’, complete with a blood red heart, that made Rimmer stop in his tracks. Every time! Just when things has reached that crucial moment, just when the passion and energy between the pair had reached fever pitch, he’d catch sight of that bloody tattoo!

‘I love Petersen’.

Rimmer remembered the very first time it had happened, it was rather memorable, especially seeing as it had been the first time he and Lister had sex.

Clothes had long been discarded, their bodies were entwined, limbs wound their way around torsos, hands meandered across flesh as the kissing continued with mounting ecstasy. Rimmer’s hands had groped their way up Lister’s thigh, trembling at the warm touch of soft skin when suddenly his fingers brushed against something rough, slightly raised, a little colder to the touch. Still locked in the fervent activity of playing tonsil tennis with Lister, Rimmer cast his eyes downward and promptly pulled away in horror.

“what’s up?” panted Lister

Rimmer said nothing, he was staring at the tattoo. ‘I love Petersen’ glared back at him in big, black, bold letters.

Lister had by now figured out what had made Rimmer recoil, he had to decency to look sheepish. “I was drunk” he explained “Y’know what it’s like man, you love everybody when you’re pissed”

But still Rimmer did not speak. In all honesty, he now felt rather sick. That drunken, slobbering, moronic Dane had tarnished his Lister, disfigured his mocha coloured skin and brought Rimmer worryingly close to loosing his erection.

He felt Lister’s fingers fold themselves around his hand and give it a little squeeze “I didn’t love him y’know…I never did”

Rimmer sighed “Sorry, it just all seems so weird….here I am, getting frisky with you but you’ve got another mans name on your thigh!” He paused “why did you never get it removed?”

“Rimmer, I never buy toiletries, what makes you think I’d waste money on having a tattoo removed?”

Deep down, Rimmer knew he was overreacting he couldn’t help it! It was, after all, only a tattoo. Perhaps it was made worse because of firstly who it was (Rimmer had always despised the touchy-feely, friendly albeit blokeish relationship Petersen had shared with Lister) and secondly, where it was - his thigh for God sake! Barely two inches away from his crotch! What was Rimmer supposed to do? Fumble his way through foreplay with his eyes shut!?

There was simply no way he could ignore it, but Lord how he had tried. He’d struggled in vain to avert his eyes, to stop his fingers gliding over the patches of artificially coloured skin but still, every time he’d know it was there. It was if there were three of them in the bed: himself, Rimmer and the ghost of Petersen, immortalised forever in the arty hand of some shaven head tattoo artist on Lister’s thigh.

Each time he’d remember it was there, he’d freeze, often in mid-kiss, his body would clench and it would take Lister several seconds to convince him there were more pressing matters at hand, namely sex. But it would still bother Rimmer something rotten.

On night, as they lay in the afterglow of their fornications, Rimmer suddenly rolled onto his stomach and dived beneath the covers. “I really, really, really do not like that tattoo” came his voice from somewhere around Lister’s groin.

This was old news to Lister, he was fully aware of it and wholly sick of it! “I know….but while you’re down there” he joked.

Rimmer surfaced, frowning “Lister, how on Io do you expect me to get all ‘horned up’ when barely two inches away from my face is the name of that Danish bastard!”

“Give it a rest man, will ya?” sighed Lister “I can’t believe you’re getting jealous over a man who’s been dead over three million years and who I never did anything with anyway!”

“It’s the principle, Listy” explained the hologram as he pulled himself up toward his lover “I like to think that you and I are exclusive - special…how the hell am I supposed to do that if you’ve got that foreign chronic alcoholic resting near your nether regions!”

Having heard enough for one night, Lister shook his head, pulled on his boxers and climbed out of bed. Rimmer blinked in surprise - he’d never seen such energy from Lister after such a prolonged period of love making. He normally liked to lounge in bed for a few hours before attempting anything as strenuous as getting out of bed “what are you doing?”

“getting summat to eat” explained Lister, pulling a t-shirt over his head “and then, maybe in a few hours when you’ve realised how childish you’re being, I’ll come back and we can have sex without you pulling faces at my tattoo” and with that he left, leaving Rimmer to stew.

He wandered down to the midsection, where Kryten was sat rather contentedly darning some socks. Lister didn’t even bother with any form of greeting

“Krytes, have you got a spare five minutes. I need somethin’ removed”

“Do you really think that’s wise sir? After Rimmer’s found such a profitable use for it?”

“I meant my tattoo…”

“Apologies sir, I’ve just updated my comedy chip and I’ve been looking for an excuse to try it out” he began to clear away his sewing equipment

“Keep that needle out though Kryten, we’re gonna need that - have you seen my lighter anywhere?”

True to his word, Lister returned to the bunkroom some time later, he couldn’t help but smile when he spotted Rimmer sat fully clothed on the bed, still in a sulk.

“hey” said Lister

“hey…”replied Rimmer, he waited till Lister had sat next to him before he spoke “I’ve been thinking…and, well….you’re right. It’s childish that I’m getting jealous over a couple of lines of ink - I’m sorry.”

Lister grinned “s’okay man”

“Can I…make it up to you?” asked Rimmer casually, sneaking a sideways glance at Lister

“Depends what you have in mind” his lover whispered in return, leaning in for a kiss, to which Rimmer was more than happy to oblige. Within seconds the pair become locked in their embrace, things were raring to get raunchy. Rimmer greedily lowered Lister back onto the bed, and straddled his hips. Kissing deeper and slower, Rimmer’s hands began to fondle their way towards all his favourite bits of Lister, when suddenly, Lister winced. That had never happened before, not even in the early days.

“What’s the matter?” asked Rimmer worriedly.

Lister nodded to his thigh and Rimmer cautiously slipped his hands under Lister’s boxers and pushed them further up his legs, revealing the tattoo. “Oh Listy” he moaned, casting aside all inhibitions and diving right back into the kiss, taking care to avoid putting any pressure on that thigh.

That’s the thing with new tattoos, for a few days afterwards the area is sore to the touch, little pin pricks of blood mingled with the fresh ink of the word ‘Rimmer’ that completed Lister’s newly edited tattoo, his thigh forever bearing the words ‘I love Rimmer’.

Comments

[laurenthemself]

Very sweet, but oh boy is my tattooed self ever flinching at the thought of having Kryten do a coverup...

[kahvi.livejournal.com]

With a sewing needle no less! But there's something very Dwarfian about the concept. He did remove Lister's appendix and does some dentistry in the novels.

[sunny-bexster.livejournal.com]

My dad, in his infinite wisdom once shared with me the story of how he once get caught attempting to give himself a tattoo in the middle of art class. He said all that was needed was a needle, a lighter and some ink - given that Starbug barely has a medibay fit to equip a teddybear hospital, I figured there'd be nothing along the lines of tattooing equipment - then again, y'never know - it is Red Dwarf!

[kahvi.livejournal.com]

In one story, I had Petersen getting a tattoo with a utility he'd found .n some moon's entertainment quarter. "That thing that looked like a cross between a porcupine and a pen?"

[kahvi.livejournal.com]

Great to see someone writing about the tattoo - it's one of my favorite canon details. :)

This was very funny - Kryten's joke forced me to put the laptop down, I was such a state. I tried to hide inside my sweater. So yeah, funny, good sex, happy bickering boys, all good.

If I have to concrit anything, it would have to be that they're a little too happy, with Rimmer especially acting somewhat more mature and mentally stable than I would have expected. I nonetheless enjoyed it very much. :)

[sunny-bexster.livejournal.com]

One extreme to the other eh? Last night twas all doom and gloom and today, happy smiles and regular orgasms.

I knew it all seemed a bit too....heavenly when I was writing but I guess I was trying to write something upbeat, as much as I like unrequited love fics, they tend to frustrate me a little - so much so I often scream "just make love you morons!" at the page...

I'm glad you liked Kryten's joke though, I was worried no-one would get it, phew - maybe I worry unnecessarily!

[kahvi.livejournal.com]

It was perfect! Just subtle enough that it took a second to sink in, which made the effect greater when it actually did.

Well, yeah, fluff is good. Nothing wrong with fluff, or the boys being happy. I phrased myself a little badly; I suppose functional is a better word. Rimmer's a little too confident here, IMO. Still a good story. :)

[sunny-bexster.livejournal.com]

I agree, I think I needed to make Rimmer a little less sure of himself in this story. I think he'd still carry that neurotic nature of his, no matter how long he and Lister had been, to quote myself here, "united as a couple"....I'm sad aren't I?

[cassiopeia13.livejournal.com]

Personally i think your story is perfect. I don't find Rimmer out of character at all. If you looka t him season 3 and season 8 he's much more mellow as far as his relationship with Listy goes. It's like if Listy's nice to him, Rimmer loses some of his paranoia. Of course, he still IS paranoid in this fic, because he seems to still feel Listy might not completely love him with that tattoo. So I thought ti was perfect.

[cassiopeia13.livejournal.com]

Ah but that's the great thing about Red Dwarf.You can fit the characters how you want. Besides if you take a look at Rimmer season 8 he IS more mature and mellow, because Lister's actually NICE to him. So if Listy and Rimsy hooked up, most likely Rimmer would end up being more relaxed and mentally stable. But that's my take on Rimmer.

[kahvi.livejournal.com]

Oh, certainly; I agree completely. But IMO, there is a certain bastardliness and neuroticism in his basic nature. I don't see those traits as being negative; just part of who he is. And I suppose I didn't see enough of it here. *shrugs*

[cassiopeia13.livejournal.com]

Hm... Well I guess I disagree. Of course he has that bastardliness (or that snark) but it's not there all the time. "Marooned", you don't see it. He's very personable, trying his best to be friends with Lister, trying to keep him a live and his spirits up. "Holoship" is another one. You see him with Niravanah and he's completely sweet, not sure of himself, almost like a little boy. He's definitely not a bastard in that episode. (I could come up with tons of more instances)

That's kindda how I picture him in an established relationship with Lister. He'll have that paranoia that Lister's going to leave him, or that maybe this is a joke, and of course he'd snark about Lister being a grotty space bum (They'd probably have lots of catty fights), but overall, he'd be arrogant of course, and snarky, but also sweet... all at the same time. AAH I love Rimmer *GLOMPS Rimmer and doesn't let go*

Of course, you base a lot off the books too, where as I don't. I don't care to read them, so my fanon is based entirely off the series. This might also be why our interpretations differ.

Such a complicated character! I luff him, I admit, I'm a dork *still clinging* I actually had a dream about Rimmer last night.. hm... wasn't THAT kindda dream...

saddly

[kahvi.livejournal.com]

Well, I suppose I fundamentally disagree with you there. Though I would like to repeat that I don't see his bastardly traits as negative. I wouldn't want him to be any different. I suppose roadstergal's icon sums it up best:



Why don't you want to read the books? Just curious. :) And you're quite wrong in that I base my characterization of Rimmer on them, because he's not any different in the books than he is in the show. If anything, he's made more... human, I suppose, in the books, because we get to see his thoughts. I think you would really enjoy them, because of that. :)

[smaych.livejournal.com]

I agree that Rimsy is a bastard. I feel sorry for him, I love him, I think he's adorable... but he's still a self-serving, cowardly, neurotic mess. If he wasn't he wouldn't be Rimmer.

In a relationship with Lister (if he could ever bring himself to admit he was in one) I think he'd still be the same man. Maybe a bit more smug. Maybe a bit more happy, but still a worrier and still a bastard - just as Lister would still be a lazy slob. And that's ok, you know. Rimmer's character is a foil to Lister's, and it makes the sweet things that Lister does stand out more, like in this story!

[sunny-bexster.livejournal.com]

Up until now, I'd never really given this matter much thought. To me, Rimmer has and always will be a man with more flaws than one can care to count. While I'd love to think that once he settled into a regular, loving relationship with Lister *cough* I mean, someone...well, I'd like to think maybe he'd de-git a bit, become a little more caring, less neurotic but now I think about it, it's highly unlikely to happen. Rimmer's psychological vices run deep, too deep for a couple of kisses and cuddles to unearth them and make them better. I agree that Rimmer would be the same old Rimmer, but as smaych said, he'd be a little more smug. In fact, would Rimmer become more neurotic? More cowardly...more of a git. Perhaps once the honeymoon period ended, he becomes scared of Lister (or whoever) leaving him, snatching away this newly acquired sense of belonging and affection...maybe... With hindsight, I did finish my story on perhaps an uncharacteristically happy note - artistic license I guess, I craved fluff! :D

[cassiopeia13.livejournal.com]

I read Infinited Welcomes Careful Drivers..well Listened to Chris read it. But I didn't much care for it. I like the idea of Lister not ever getting Kochanski. (I hate season 7 and 8 Kochanski and much prefer the other one who's much more cute and Tom Boy-y). I Also think the idea of Listy living in the backwards world is kindda weird... Id unno Just the things I've heard about them I didn't care to read them.

I definitely think Rimsy's a snarky bastard, but I think he'd mature if he was in a serious relationship. Thats' pretty much it. I think your characterization of Rimmer is really good (My personal opinion of course) Just I like happy endings and I can see Listy and Rimsy having huge fights of snarky ness (LIsty doing stuff just to make Rimmer mad and Rimmer being his arrogant snarky self) but still being snuggly wiht one another at the end of the day.

And I l,ove that ICON.

I really don't mean to imply that Rimmer's not a snarky bastard becuase he definitely definitely is, But I think he's got lots of layers (like an ogre.. or an onion) and the potential to grow as a character. Especially when Listy's nice to him.

[beetle-breath.livejournal.com]

Considering I know a guy who does tattoos with ink and a modified electric toothbrush, I don't doubt Lister would try something like that, with a sewing needle.

Nice job.

_{Completely unrelated, but am I the only one who finds it utterly hilarious that Peterson=Ron's Dad in the Harry Potter movies?}

[queen-fiend.livejournal.com]

I think it's quite funny too...although I'm not sure exactly why. :P

[kahvi.livejournal.com]

One day, I'm going to stand up in the theater, point at the screen, and shout an enthusiastic "PETERSEN!!"

[queen-fiend.livejournal.com]

Haha! That would be awesome! :D

[sunny-bexster.livejournal.com]

Not at all - I often yell out "Petersen!" whenever Mark Williams comes on screen, often earning disapproving looks from my sister, the hard care Harry Potter fan!

[cassiopeia13.livejournal.com]

Because i saw the HP movies before RD, I always say "Mr Weasley!" When Peterson comes on

[queen-fiend.livejournal.com]

I like this! I think it fits Rimmer to really dwell on something like that.

[roadstergal.livejournal.com]

Oh, very well done! I do love the canon integration, with the tattoo, as well as Kryten's inappropriate jokiness (that got a laugh!) and Rimmer's dwelling on the tattoo.

It did end a little too sunnily for my taste - but I think that's because it was a little rushed at the end? "Sowing," etc. Mebbe it deserves another go-over?

(My artist actually refuses to do names unless it's a blood relative - he never wants his work covered up!) ;)

[sunny-bexster.livejournal.com]

Hands up, I rushed the whole thing...a horrible practice I know but I jotted it down in the middle of RPG, dashed home, quick type up and bam - it got posted. I normally try to subject my work to a little more editing but I let myself go on that day it seems....thanks for the concrit though!