reddwarfslash | (no subject)

Hi, all! I've been lurking for a while, but after watching season 5 multiple times, I was finally inspired to post something. Please enjoy!

Pairing: implied Rimmer/Lister
Rating: PG, maybe PG-13 for language
Spoilers: a bit for Terrorform
Disclaimer: I don't own Red Dwarf, I just like to write about 'em.
Notes: This 'fic was brought about and loosely inspired by the Billy Joel song "Innocent Man". I thought the lyrics fit Rimmer quite nicely.

Lister had always noticed that Rimmer never went out of his way to be around others. In fact, he seemed to try his damndest to avoid people, unless someone intruded on his personal space, at which time he'd fall right into his smarmy bastard facade.

As if he were trying his best to make everyone around him dislike him.

It seemed to work, Lister realized one day. Rimmer had no friends, several enemies, and those--like Lister himself--who seemed to live only to make the man's life miserable.

Hell, Lister recalled on drunken evening when Rimmer had confided in him that he'd only made love once in his entire life. And that had only been a one-time thing, not really out of any deep feelings.

And that had set Lister to thinking.

Had anyone ever loved Arnold J. Rimmer? Ever?

He'd never spoken highly of his family, never even mentioned any girlfriends in his past.

Nothing.

It almost made Lister pity him, it did. But even more, it made him step back and look at Rimmer. Really look. Putting all of his faults and his smeggy attitude aside, beneath all that was someone who wanted to be recognized, praised, someone who craved love after having just been tolerated for some 30 years of his life.

A truly lonely individual.

Whenever Rimmer would catch Lister, Cat, and Kryten sneaking off to do something fun, he'd act so indignant at the thought of being left out.

But late some nights, when he should have been sleeping, Lister would wake to the sounds of muffled sobs coming from the bunk beneath him.

And damn, but Lister found his heart softening toward ol' Arnie.

One particularly dull day as they passed a few uncharted planets, the Cat and Kryten decided to do a bit of planet hopping, counting on Lister to lead them on. Needless to say, they were fairly surprised when he stated that he'd rather remain on the Dwarf and keep Rimmer company. Cat had even exclaimed, "We'll come back, and you'll have found a way to make old goal-post head dead a second time around!"

Rimmer had scoffed at Lister once he found out that he'd stayed behind, questioning his sanity and putting him down as usual, but Lister could see the poorly masked surprise and satisfaction in his eyes.

So, of course, Rimmer proposed that they make it a proper "party". He suggested a trip to the diesel decks until their crew members returned. Lister suggested drinking until they passed out. Unable to compromise, Lister flipped a coin, which wound up bouncing off his hand and rolling into a grate in the floor. "Well, smeg...guess we'll 'ave to do both, eh?"

So they drank through the afternoon and into the early evening, at which time Rimmer slurred something about getting to the summit by dawn. Lister had no idea what he was going on about, but stumbled after the blue-clad hologram to their destination. They wound up hopelessly lost, staggering through the underbelly of the ship, until Rimmer declared that they were lost. Hopelessly so. Lister tossed a few insults his way until the hologram, hurt in his eyes, turned and tried to retreat.

"Rimmer, hang on. We're lost, remember? Where ya planning on going, eh?" Lister asked.

"Anywhere away from you and your God awful judgment. Smegheads, you whole lot...I can never do well enough, can I? I would say I'm better off dead, but I already am...and it's just as smegging bad."

That was when Lister had taken Rimmer's face in his hands and kissed him. He felt Rimmer's body go rigid, then the hologram had switched to soft light, and Lister was falling through him.

"What the hell are you playing at, you sick goit? Well, that's sobered me up quite nicely, thank you...I think I can find my way back now," Rimmer spluttered, turning quickly and all but tripping over his own feet in an attempt to leave.

"Don't just up and go!" Lister protested, reaching out in futility to grab Rimmer's arm. His hand passed through the hologram's body, fingers brushing against the light bee that projected him, sending a flicker through the hologram's projection.

Rimmer stopped in his tracks, gasping lightly. It was like some had just touched his heart, and he could clearly feel that there was no malice behind Lister's actions. The next thing he knew, he was hard light once again, leaning against the wall as his breath came out in rough gasps.

"Don't bother...I know you all hate me. Don't try to cheer me up by pretending that you give a damn and actually want to be around me. Who would? I even hate me sometimes."

"We don't hate you, Rimmer," Lister said, getting to his feet. "You just make it so smegging hard to like ya."

"So, what? Are you saying that you like me, then?"

Lister shuffled his feet.

Rimmer harrumphed. "I knew it. What a load of..."

Lister mumbled something.

"What?"

"...I love you."

Rimmer, for the first time in his life--or death--was struck speechless. After a moment, he chuckled. "Right, of course. Like on the Psi Moon, hmm? What a load of crap, but hey, it'll make ol' Arnie feel better about himself. At least until you remind him that you still think he's a giant cockup, smeghead, waste of space."

"No, I mean it," Lister said, meeting Rimmer's gaze. "Back then, I couldn't exactly say, 'Yes, Rimmer...you are an ok bloke, and oh God, I wish I could kiss you right now, because I really do love ya and can't stand to see ya always so miserable'."

Silence fell, Lister's eyes still on Rimmer's. After several moments, Rimmer opened his mouth to speak; when no words came forth, he cleared his throat rather noisily. "I don't believe you," he managed.

Lister sighed, clunking across the floor until he was face-to-face with Rimmer. He leaned forward slowly, as if trying to not scare a skittish animal, and pressed his lips to Rimmer's once again.

Perhaps it was the alcohol, or maybe Rimmer finally accepted that someone finally did truly care for him. It didn't matter, when Rimmer relaxed, an arm going around Lister's waist. They practically fell to the floor, Lister determined to show Rimmer how much he cared.

And Rimmer, finally, opened his heart to someone, without fear of rejection or refusal.

"...love you, too..."

******************************************************

Comments or criticism welcome!