Love & Jealousy 3

[felineranger.livejournal.com]

Part 3...

Lister wandered into the Neutron at half-eight and after a moment spotted Alex waving to him from one of the tables. He’d already got a round of drinks in. “Cheers,” Lister said, dropping into the chair next to him. He examined his drink, “Leopard. Nice one.”

“I know it’s your favourite,” Alex smiled. They clinked their glasses together. “Here’s to being back on the small rouge one,” Alex said,

“Here’s to having you back,” Lister replied.

            They stayed in the bar until closing time, talking. Lister had been worried that things might be a little stilted - awkward even – but it felt like Alex had never been away. They fell back into their old rhythm so easily. Despite the friction he knew it was going to trigger with Rimmer, Lister was glad to have his friend back.

            Once time had been called at the bar, they wandered back to Alex’s rooms, still talking. “You want another drink?” Alex asked, “I’ve got a six-pack in the fridge.” Lister checked his watch,

“I reckon I can fit in one more before I have to get back.”

“You used to be able to go all night,” Alex grinned, “You’ve got soft while I’ve been away.”

“Not everything can stay the same,” Lister grinned back.

“Come on then. Better get cracking.”

            They entered Alex’s quarters and Lister had a look around. It all looked just as it had when he’d left it, the day Alex had departed for his mission; only now there were a few more socks scattered about the place, and some dirty coffee cups in the kitchen area. He turned to Alex, smiling, “You know it’s funny how...”

             Alex kissed him. He wrapped his arms around him and kissed him with as much passion and tenderness as he had six months ago on the day he left. Lister pulled away, surprised. Alex beamed at him, “I’ve been wanting to do that ever since I saw you in the canteen earlier,” he said softly, “I missed you so much, Dave.”

“I’ve missed you too,” Lister said awkwardly, “But...”

“I’ve been waiting all day for the moment when we could finally be alone together. Hell, I’ve been waiting six months!” He bent to kiss him again but Lister leaned back, away from him and it finally dawned on Alex that there was a problem. “What is it?” he asked, confused.

“Like I said...Not everything can stay the same, Alex,” Lister said sadly, and gently stepped out of his arms.

            “What do you mean?” he asked, wounded.

“You never wrote,” Lister said tentatively.

“I couldn’t,” he replied earnestly, “There was no post pod on our ship. But I thought about you every day.”

“It’s just...things have kind of...moved on since then,” Lister said as gently as he could.

“Oh,” Alex said softly after a beat.

“I’m...Well, I’m with somebody now,” Lister explained.

“You didn’t say,” Alex said weakly, “When did this happen?”

“A while ago,” Lister told him diplomatically. ‘The night you left’ was maybe rubbing too much salt in the wound. “I’m sorry.”

“Kriss?” Alex asked, trying to sound pleased for him. Lister debated for a moment or two before answering. 

“No,” he finally said quietly; “It’s Rimmer.”

            Alex’s eyes widened so far they looked like they might pop out. “Rimmer?” Lister nodded. “But...But he’s such a nightmare! When I left here six months ago, half the time you weren’t even speaking to each other! He gave you such a hard time about us hanging out together!”

“He was jealous,” Lister said simply, “He knew what we were doing and it was driving him crazy. That’s why he was so horrible. To me and you. And that’s why he didn’t tell me that you wanted to see me the other day. He’s not a bad guy, Alex, really; just insecure.”

“Do you love him?” Alex asked gingerly.

“Yes.”

            Alex looked at his feet, deflated. Lister went to him and took his hands, “Please, mate, don’t let this ruin things with us. You’re still one of the best mates I’ve ever had and I don’t want to lose that. Tonight’s been so great, let’s not end it on a bummer. I’m still here for you. I still want us to be friends.” Alex squeezed his hands, “I want that too. I think I can handle losing you to a git like Rimmer so long as I can keep you as a friend.” Impulsively, Lister put his arms round him and they hugged each other tight. “So long as you’re happy,” Alex said as they drew apart, “That’s all I ask.”

“I’m happy,” Lister assured him, “But please don’t tell anyone. Not even Kriss or the Cat, or Kryten. It’s still a secret.”

“Ok. You still want that drink?”

“Yeah. But then I’d really better get back.”

“I’m under suspicion then?”

“I think we both are. But he’ll get over it.”

“Uh-huh,” Alex didn’t seem so convinced, “Keep telling yourself that.”

 

            Rimmer was waiting up with a book when Lister got home. “How did it go?” he asked stiffly. 

“Great,” Lister replied, “We had a fantastic time.”

“Did he try anything?” Rimmer asked suspiciously. Lister had thought carefully about how to handle this subject. He had known it wasn’t even worth hoping Rimmer wouldn’t ask something of the kind. “We talked,” Lister said, “He knows you and me are together now. He’s happy for us and wants to be friends. Okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll bet he was really happy,” Rimmer said snidely.

“He was fine, Rimmer. All he wants is for us to be able to hang out still. And I want that too. I’d like it if you could at least try to be civil.” Rimmer snorted. Lister came and curled up beside him on the bed, “After all,” he said coaxingly, “If it hadn’t been for Alex we might never have realised how we felt about each other. Hmmm?” He gently stroked a finger behind Rimmer’s ear, “Surely that’s worth being a little teensy bit nice next time you see him?”

“I don’t like him,” Rimmer said stubbornly.

“You don’t have to,” Lister nuzzled his nose against the bare skin of Rimmer’s neck, “You just have to not be a smeghead. For me?” He felt Rimmer’s hand slide round to his backside and smiled to himself. “Well...For you, I suppose.”

“Good,” Lister kissed the side of Rimmer’s neck and let his hand move down his chest to rest between his legs, “Now let me say thank you....”

Despite all of Lister’s best efforts, it soon became apparent that no matter what lengths he went to, Rimmer and Alex were never going to be able to get along. The few times he had got them into the same room together had always ended at best with snide insults disguised under a paper-thin mask of humour, and at worst with shouted arguments.  A weary jest that perhaps all this animosity was the result of repressed desire had simply earned him poisonous looks from both parties. He’d tried sitting between them on a group trip to the cinema, thinking that they couldn’t argue if they couldn’t talk, and hoping that a decent film might be something they could at last agree on. Things had actually gone okay until they’d left the auditorium and Kryten had made some disapproving remark about all the couples in the back row who had quite obviously not been paying attention to the film.  “Honestly, Sirs, I don’t know why they bother coming at all if they can’t appreciate art!” Rimmer saw Alex lean over to whisper something in Lister’s ear that made him giggle. 

            Back in their quarters Rimmer had angrily demanded to know what Alex had said to him. “Suggesting another little trip with just the two of you, was he? Kryten’s little speech giving him ideas?”

“No,” Lister replied, frustrated, “If you must know, what he said was, ‘Wouldn’t he be disappointed in you if he knew?’”

“Knew what?”  

“That I’ve been known to fool around in the back row of the cinema myself.”

“You told him about that?” Rimmer asked, horrified.

“There’s no need to go that colour. I haven’t been telling him all our filthy secrets. He was talking about the time I went with him.”

            At this news, Rimmer went a different colour, “You mucked about with him at the cinema?”

“Don’t say it like that, as if I’m total slut. You’ve done it too. Everyone does it, for smeg’s sake!”

“So that time we did it there, were you thinking about him?” Rimmer demanded.

“What?! Of course not!”

“Oh really?  We were doing the same thing, in the same place, so how can you not have thought about him?”

“Because it’s different with you!”

“How?”

“Because I love you!” Lister replied angrily, “Or had you forgotten?”

            Rimmer was immediately contrite. “I’m sorry, Listy. It’s just...Whenever I think about you with anyone else it’s like...like a red mist comes down over my brain and I get so angry and jealous...”

“You’re not like that with Kriss,” Lister said stiffly, “And I’ve got much more of a history with her than I do with Alex.”

“That’s different.”

“No, Rimmer, it isn’t. And you’ve got to start seeing that.”

            But Rimmer couldn’t see it, and things didn’t improve over time either. Just the thought of Dave and Alex being in the same room together made him tense.  Even if he was with them he couldn’t relax, because he didn’t know what they were thinking even if he could see what they were doing. What if right now, Alex is imagining what he’d like to do if I wasn’t sitting here? What if Dave is looking at him and remembering what his hands felt like? And if the two of them spent any time together without Rimmer present it almost drove him mad. His brain went into a fevered frenzy, picturing what could be happening...

             ‘What do you see in that guy anyway, Dave?’ Alex purred, gently caressing Dave’s shoulders, ‘Didn’t you have more fun with me? Aren’t I better looking?’

‘Well, yes, I suppose you are, Alex. I don’t know what I must have been thinking hanging around with that Bonehead. Throw me down on the floor and take me now! He’ll never suspect a thing!’

 

            In many ways, Rimmer’s imagination was like a bad Mills & Boon novel. Trashy, sordid and completely unbelievable; but once it got going he found it very hard to disengage. And no matter how often he told himself that Lister loved him and him alone, the presence of Alex in their life was to Rimmer like a sharp thorn forever lurking beneath the seemingly perfect bloom of their relationship.