reddwarfslash | Love & Jealousy 5

Here comes the next bit...

Rimmer knocked on the door of Alex’s quarters the next day, his jaw set in a grim expression of determination. He’d tried to talk things through with Lister the night before when he’d finally come in from the pub, but unsurprisingly it had just ended in the same old row. It was time to do this his way.

When Alex finally opened the door he looked surprised to see Rimmer – but not excessively. He looked like he might have been expecting this visit sooner or later. “Hello,” he said guardedly.
“Hi,” Rimmer said shortly, “Can I come in?”
"I suppose you’d better.”

Inside, they faced each other, keeping a chilly distance. “To what do I owe this honour?” Alex asked sarcastically.

“I want you to stay away from Dave,” Rimmer said simply. Alex smiled bitterly,

“I guessed as much.”

“You won’t?”

“No. Whether you believe it or not, me and Dave are nothing but friends these days. Good friends too. I don’t see why that should change just because you’re a jealous prick.”

“Don’t give me that ‘just friends’ smeg. The only reason you’re ‘just friends’ is because he doesn’t want you anymore. Given half a chance you’d be all over him like lycra on a cyclist! You’re just hanging round waiting for something to go wrong so you can elbow your way back between us. Well, you’re wasting your time. He’s never going to come back to you, so you may as well just call it a day and leave us alone!”

“Listen, if there are problems between you and Dave then it’s because of your lousy behaviour. Not me.”

“We’re not having any problems,” Rimmer snarled, “And we’re not going to either.”

“Then it’s not going to make any difference if me and Dave stay friends,” Alex replied firmly.

“You don’t give a damn about being his friend! You just think that sooner or later you’re going to be able to get him back into bed! Well, it’s not going to happen!”

“Then you’ve got nothing to worry about, have you?” Alex said with infuriating calmness. “Let me put this as clearly as I can. When Dave tells me that he doesn’t want us to be friends anymore then I’ll back off with all the good grace in the world and you’ll never see me again. Until then I’m going to be around, whether you like it or not. And with you behaving like such an asshole, he’s going to need a friend more than ever.”

“He doesn’t need you,” Rimmer said disparagingly, “He wouldn’t have cared if you’d never come back from your cruddy little mission!”

“Whatever you say, Rimmer.”

“It’s true!” Rimmer’s face flushed red with the effort of shouting.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah...”

“Ask him! You ask him how much he missed you and see what he says! Because the truth is that he didn’t give a damn! You hadn’t been gone a full twenty-four hours before he was in bed with me.”

“What?” Alex said scornfully.

“That’s right!” Rimmer said triumphantly, “He was with me the night you left. I even asked him about you and do you know what he said?”

“Tell me,” Alex said, narrowing his eyes, as if wondering whether or not to believe all this.

“He told me it was for the best that you’d left, because things would never have worked out with you guys anyway. He said he didn’t love you and that if you tried to write to him, that if you tried to keep the relationship going, then he would ignore your letters until they stopped.” Alex looked uncertain. “And he said I had a bigger dick than you!” Rimmer couldn’t resist adding, folding his arms.

“You’re unbelievable,” Alex said with undisguised disgust. “You really are a miserable little man. I almost pity you.”

“Ask him!” Rimmer insisted, “If you don’t believe me then look him in the eye and ask him to tell you it’s not true.”

Alex took a deep breath to calm himself, “It doesn’t matter whether or not it’s true,” he said slowly. “What matters is here and now. And whatever Dave felt about me then, he loves you now. However little you deserve it.”

“Damn right!”

“And if things are going to stay that way, you need to wake up.”

“You’re not seriously telling me you think you can give me advice about Dave?” Rimmer said, insulted.

“What I’m telling you, Rimmer, is that if you carry on like this he’s not going to love you very much longer!” Alex finally lost his temper.

“Oh, really?”

“Yes, really. How do you think he would react if he knew what you were doing right now, for instance?”

Rimmer glared at him but Alex continued, “Do you have some deluded idea that he would be flattered? That he’d shrug it off because he understands you’re only doing it because you love him? You need to get a grip, Rimmer. If he finds out, he’s going to be furious; and with good reason. Do you really want to lose him just because you can’t keep your ridiculous jealousy in check?”

“I’m not going to lose him. If he has to choose between us, he’s going to choose me.”

“If you try to make him choose I think you’ll find out different,” Alex said grimly, “And not because he loves me more than you or any other crap like that. But because people don’t like being pushed around like chess pieces – even by the people they love. You have no right to decide who he can hang out with, and it’s certainly not up to you who I choose to spend time with.”

“Oh, spare me the indignation on his behalf!”

“Dave’s not a pushover. He’s not a doormat. And he’s sure as hell not your property. He’s got too much spirit for that. That’s the reason you love him. Don’t let it be the thing that drives you apart.”

For a moment or two, Rimmer actually seemed to take this on board. Then his expression hardened and he leaned deep into Alex’s personal space. “Let me put this as simply as I can,” he said sweetly, “I don’t care what you tell him. You can start an argument, you can ignore his calls, you can fake your own smegging death, for all I care! But if I ever see you near Dave again, I am going to punch your lights out.” Alex turned his back on him in disgust.

“Get out, Rimmer.”

Rimmer turned and left, hitting the door panel a little harder than was necessary on the way out.

Lister was having a sneaky cigarette break on Blue Corridor 653 when Lauren Foster from Y-Shift wheeled her trolley round the corner and spotted him. “Hey,” she grinned, when he looked up guiltily, “Got one for me too?” He grinned back and offered her the pack. She took one and leaned against the wall beside him, lighting up. “You alright?”

“Yeah, not so bad.”

“How’s things with your roommate?”

“Oh, same as ever. You know...” Lister shrugged innocently.

“He’s a smeghead,” Lauren blew a smoke ring.

“He’s getting better,” Lister said defensively. Lauren looked at him and raised an eyebrow, “Well...I mean...Compared to how he used to be.”

“He couldn’t have got much worse. But I think you’re right. He’s been making more of an effort lately. Well...with some people anyway.”

“What do you mean?” Lister asked.

Lauren tapped a small pile of ash onto the floor, “Still doesn’t get on much with Alex, does he?”

“No,” Lister sighed, “Not much.”

“It must really suck that you can’t have your best mate over without your roommate kicking off and starting a fight. I had a similar problem when I was at school; my two best mates hated each others guts. Couldn’t do anything with the three of us together, they just bitched the whole time. It drove me nuts, always having to take sides.”

“Sounds familiar,” Lister smiled wearily.

“Well, I warn you, you’re probably in for an earful when you get home tonight. I saw Rimmer leaving Alex’s quarters earlier this afternoon...” Lister choked on his cigarette, “...and talk about a face of thunder. I didn’t hear anything but he looked ready to wallop somebody. It must have been a pretty bad row.”

“Rimmer was over at Alex’s place?” Lister asked, staring at her, “Are you sure?”

“Positive,” she nodded.

“But...Why?”

She shrugged helplessly, “I’ve no idea. I only saw him as he was leaving and noticed that he looked angry. I don’t know what it was about.”

I bet I do, Lister thought grimly. “Oh, smegging hell,” he stubbed out his cigarette angrily. So Rimmer was going out of his way to make things worse with Alex now? He was stirring things up behind Lister’s back? Because there couldn’t really be any other explanation. He sure as hell wouldn’t have gone to see Alex for a cup of coffee and a chat; certainly not after last night.

“Sorry, to be the bearer of bad news,” Lauren said sympathetically.

“That’s okay. It’s probably better that I know. Forewarned is forearmed, and all that.”

“My advice? Just don’t get involved. Let them sweat it out on their own and keep well out of it. They can’t always put you in the middle.”

“Good advice,” Lister said tensely, “But somehow I don’t think I’m going to have a choice in the matter.”

Lister was still steaming when he arrived back at the sleeping quarters. The walk back had done nothing to calm him down; if anything the extra thinking time had just made him angrier. Rimmer was sitting at the table with a book in his hands, attempting to look innocuous, as if he’d been there all day. “Hey, Listy,” he said sweetly, not looking up. “Don’t you ‘Hey, Listy’ me,” Lister replied in a voice colder than Rimmer had ever heard. He looked up cautiously,

“What’s wrong with you?” he asked innocently.

“And don’t give me that either! I know that you’ve been out picking a fight with Alex!” Rimmer, realising there was no point keeping up the charade any longer, narrowed his eyes. “I should have known the smarmy git would go running to tell on me as soon as I left. Typical.”

“Alex didn’t tell me anything. I haven’t even seen him today. Lauren saw you leaving his quarters earlier. She told me she thought you two had been fighting.”

“What business is it of that nosy cow?” Rimmer snapped.

“Never mind her. What happened? Why were you over at Alex’s?”

“Just setting a few things straight, that’s all.”

“Like what?”

“Like where he stands in this little ménage a trois,” Rimmer replied bitterly.

“Excuse me?” Lister said incredulously. “Ménage a trois? Is that what you think this is?”

“Well, that’s what it’s starting to feel like!”

“You actually think I’m having an affair with Alex?” Lister asked, offended.

“How do I know?” Rimmer shouted at him, “You’re with him often enough! How do I know what the two of you are getting up to when I’m not there?”

“There’s a little thing called trust, Rimmer! It’s what you’re meant to have in a relationship when you love somebody!” Lister shouted back.

“Well, it doesn’t matter now,” Rimmer said shortly, “Because you’re not going to be spending any more time with that git.”

“Says who?” Lister asked indignantly.

“Says me,” Rimmer replied fiercely, “And I think I made it clear to him that I meant it.”

“What did you say to him?” Lister demanded.

“In short, Lister, I told him that if I saw him near you again, he was going to get a short, sharp visit from Mr Fist.”

“I’m sure he was terrified,” Lister said sarcastically.

“We’ll see, won’t we? Because I do mean it, Lister. Enough is enough. I don’t want you seeing him anymore.”

“A little advice for you, Rimmer,” Lister said icily, “Those handcuffs are for use in the bedroom only. They’re not supposed to turn up anywhere else in the relationship.”

“Well, they will if you don’t start towing the line, miladdo,” Rimmer said firmly.

“Listen, I spent six years living with your hologram, and in all that time he never got the hang of making me do what I was told,” Lister replied defiantly, “Don’t think that you can do any better.”

“Is it really that hard to do just one little thing to make the person you’re meant to love happy?” Rimmer asked, exasperated.

“I do love you! And if you really loved me then you wouldn’t be doing this because you’d trust me!”

“How can I trust you?” Rimmer exploded, “If you won’t give him up for me then how can I believe that I’m the one you love? How can I believe that the two of you spent all day playing computer games, when for months and months you were telling me exactly the same thing and you were boffing each others brains out? How can I trust you, Lister, when almost everything you ever told me about your relationship with Alex was a lie?!”

“You know why I kept it quiet for so long! For the same reason that we’ve never told anybody about you and me!”

“Except him.”

“Because he’s the only person who I knew would understand!” Lister protested. “I’ve told you everything you’ve ever wanted to know about what happened between me and Alex. I’ve answered honestly to anything you’ve asked me. And if I had known where you stood, I would have told you it all at the time!”

“I want to believe you,” Rimmer said grimly, “But somehow I just can’t. I don’t think you would ever have told me anything if I hadn’t confronted you about it. I think you enjoy the secrecy of it all too much. I think that’s partly why you’ve never told anybody - except of course for the charming Alex - about you and me. And I think the only reason you told him is because you get a kick playing us off against each other.”

“That’s not true!” Lister was stunned at the accusation.

“In fact, I think you probably knew all along how I felt about you! Was it all a game to you, Lister? All those ridiculously blatant lies you told me; were you just seeing how long you could rub my face in it before I cracked? Was I just a handy distraction to you? Something to fill the time until Alex came back?”

“Of course not!”

“So stop seeing him!”

“No! Whatever you think I’m doing, I have the right to spend time with whoever I want!” Lister shouted, “And you can’t stop me!”

“Fine!” Rimmer thundered, “You think it’s beneath you to be faithful in a relationship? You think you’ve got the right to fuck around with whoever you feel like?”

“No!” Lister yelled, “That’s not...!”

“Well, be my guest!” Rimmer yelled into his face, “Go screw your heart out with that arrogant bastard you think so much of! You’ve probably done it fifty times already, so why not?”

“I have never been unfaithful to you!” Lister shouted back, hurt, but Rimmer wasn’t listening.

“I don’t know why I ever expected anything else of you! You’ve always been a total slut! You just put out for anyone who’ll have you, don’t you; whether it’s me or Alex or even Kriss! You were probably giving that other version of me everything he wanted in the bedroom, even if you wouldn’t do what you were told in the cockpit! That’s probably the only reason he put up with you!” Lister was shocked to silence by the viciousness in Rimmer’s voice. “Well, you can go and be another notch on Alex’s bedpost until he gets tired of you. Maybe if you’re lucky he’ll pass you on to another of his ‘friends’ when he gets bored,” Rimmer injected the word with undisguised venom, “Because we all know how Alex carries on with his friends, don’t we?”

“Well, maybe I’d like that!” Lister yelled back, furiously, “Maybe I’ll screw the whole damn lot of them and then send you the photos! And I hope you get as much of a kick out of it as I will!” He turned to storm out and Rimmer shouted after him,

“Photos? Smeg, why stop there, Listy? Why not make a movie and screen it at the ship’s cinemas on Friday nights? I’m sure nobody will be seeing anything of you that they haven’t before!”

“Bastard!” Lister yelled tearfully over his shoulder as he left.

“Slut!” Rimmer shouted back. The door hummed shut.