reddwarfslash | Fic: Officers (PG-13)

Title: Officers
Pairing: Lister/Rimmer
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own Red Dwarf, and I do not profit from this. I just do this to amuse myself.

This comes after the following:
Function
Static
Love
Release
Reunited
Byway
Weaknesses
Trepidation
Awakening

Rimmer was barely out of the room when he realized that, with Kochanski’s things and Lister in his old quarters, he had no place to go. On Red Dwarf, this would not have been a problem, it was possible to storm off and exist in comfort, peace, and quiet for weeks at a time without encountering anyone- even Holly would let him sulk without interruption. Now, there was no option unless he wanted to curl up in a toilet, broom closet, or air duct. He was officially sharing quarters with the very person he’d run away from, and if he went to that room, Lister could join him at any time.

Kryten would likely be in the kitchen, and he could hear the Cat in the cockpit, singing to himself. With a sigh of resignation, he headed towards the midsection, where he’d have the best chance of sorting out his head. He froze in the doorway as he noticed that the room was already occupied. Kochanski sat at the table, sipping a cup of tea as she typed on a small laptop. It took a few seconds for his body to unfreeze, but it was a second too long. Just as he’d begun to turn away, Kochanski raised her head from her work. “It’s okay, come in.” she said, warmly.

Rimmer’s heart sank. He walked stiffly to the table, and sat, folding his hands in his lap. Kochanski set down the mug, and Rimmer noted with some annoyance that it was his favorite one, white with light blue edges, and not even one crack in the glaze. His nose twitched as it adjusted to the floral smell of the brew. He imagined it must be a bit like drinking perfume, like the time Frank had doused him with their mother’s fussy, musky cologne that people apparently “paid good money for.”

Kochanski offered a small smile, and dread gripped him. He was sitting with an officer, the last officer in existence; and to make things worse, it was Kochanski. A mixture of awe and resentment flushed through him as he stole a glance at her. Lister was right, she did look a little different than he remembered, but he had never really been bold enough to talk to her much in the first place. The difference of the hue of her eyes or the shape of her nose would be lost on him, but her voice was definitely different, carrying a more serious, confident tone.

Years of hearing Lister extol her virtues had made Rimmer secretly develop a bit of a crush on her, or at the very least, the idea of her. Kristine Kochanski, the perfect woman. It was a nice daydream, when he knew it was impossible to settle down with a long dead girl, but when Lister’s schemes to return to her had even a small chance of succeeding, the feelings were incinerated, turned to an angry resentment that he could never quite explain. Now was the time to focus on that daydream, though, if he could just get up enough nerve to talk to her like a regular girl, and map out the curves of her body through her clothing, he could forget why he’d come here in the first place, the feel of Lister’s mouth on him… Rimmer bit his lip, and looked to Kochanski, hoping he’d get lucky and see the outline of her nipples through her shirt, or even an errant bra strap, something, anything, to occupy his mind later.

“I guess, in many ways, we’ve never met.” She began. “But I’ve heard all about you… “

Rimmer grimaced. “Couldn’t you forget what you’ve heard, ma’am?” He wanted a cup of hot tea, in his own mug. Kochanski smirked at that, and Rimmer shot her distrustful look. Why was he so utterly awkward around women?

“I’ve heard good things, I promise. Dave was absolutely useless without you.” She assured him.

Dave. Of course they would be on a first name basis; they’d gone to bed together, after all. Still, the casual familiarity made Rimmer bristle. “He’s useless regardless.” He replied, years of verbal sparring kicking in, although it was halfhearted.

Kochanski regarded him with a curious confusion. “I guess what I want to say, is, well, welcome home.” She patted him on the arm, and took another sip of her herbal concoction.

“Home?” Rimmer asked, softly. This wasn’t home, it was even worse than he remembered. The closest thing to what he considered home had been stolen from them.

Kochanski put her hand on his, and tried to meet his eyes. “Yes, for better or worse, right now, this is home.” There was a quiet sadness in her tone. “You had died, and bravely, I might add, and Dave did everything in his power to bring you back. He loves you, you know. He loves you like only he can.”

Rimmer felt the blood rush to his ears and cheeks, love and Dave were not things that he wanted to think about right then. “He’s got you.” He managed to mutter.

“No, he doesn’t.” Kochanski said, squeezing his hand. The feeling of the currents of energy beneath hard light flesh was both comforting and painful at once. “I’m spoken for.”

Rimmer looked up, and was alarmed to see that she was on the verge of tears. Don’t cry, he pleaded silently. I have no smegging idea of what to do if you get all... hormonal, you stupid woman. “er.” He began, unsteadily. “I’m sorry, I just thought-“

“It’s all right, really.” She said, sitting up straighter as she took a deep breath to compose herself. “I’ll get back to him, someday. I just kept wondering if he’d given up on me yet, you know. I was convinced that he had, but then Dave… your Dave… fought so hard for you that it gave me hope.” She raked back her hair with one hand, and rested her chin on it. “I know it probably sounds soppy and sentimental to you, but it’s true.”

Rimmer nodded, doubtfully. “I’m sorry, Miss Kochanski, ma’am.” He managed.

“You can call me Kris.” She sniffed.

“But..” he hesitated.

“But what? There’s no Space Corps anymore, Rimmer. It doesn’t matter.” The absurdity of the conversation was quickly distracting her from her bout of self pity.

“Of course it matters!” Rimmer stammered. “If we don’t abide by the proper levels of command, we’re encouraging total chaos. Haven’t you been on board this ship long enough to realize how dangerous that is? Ma’am.” He amended, quickly.

Kochanski grinned, trying not to let a chuckle escape her lips. “You do have a point.” She agreed. A thought occurred to her as she watched the nervous technician beside her. “Dave told me that you were promoted before you left.”

“Well.” Rimmer said. He remembered that he had been proud at the time, touched, even. It all seemed a bit shabby, though, when placed beside the genuine article, like tarnished brass to shining gold. “it hardly counts, coming from a third technician.” Really, this was getting to be humiliating. She was mocking him, it was the only sensible reason that she would bring this up.

“It counts.” she assured him. “You’re my equal, so no more of this, all right?” Belatedly, she hoped that she wouldn’t regret those words.

“Thank you.” He said, quietly, unsure of what else to say.

She nodded, and rose from the table. “I’ll be taking my shift, if you need anything.”

Rimmer watched her go, distantly wondering why Lister hadn’t abandoned him for her. His thoughts trailed back to Lister then, Lister’s touch, Lister’s kiss, Lister’s willingness to risk everything for him. It was intoxicating. It was shameful. It was terrifying.

He buried his head in his arms, and wished for answers that didn’t come.