Feline Crossed (PG)

[tsukinobun.livejournal.com]

Um...I never thought it would happen, but here it is: I wrote a Lister/Cat fic. Proximity part 4 is giving me issues, so this is what I wrote instead. Enjoy?

Feline Crossed (PG)
Lister/Cat
Notes: I feel like a traitor to Lister/Rimmer...but there's a microscopic hint of it in here, too.

 

Lister had just managed to fall asleep when he was jolted back into consciousness by the Cat’s loud voice entering the dark bunkroom.

“It’s freezing in here! I could start a glass-cutting business with how pert my nipples are! And that ain’t even the worst of it, my…”

Lister cut him off, “Cat, I don’t wanna know. Why don’t you sleep on me bed, if yer so uncomfortable, eh? Isn’t that what cats do? Yeh could curl up here, next to me, like Frankie used to. …If yeh like.”

The Cat looked unconvinced.

“You sure that’s normal?”

Lister grinned. “Cats have been at it for millennia, yeh’ve got nothin’ to worry about. It’ll be like…like channeling your ancestors, or somethin’. Yeah?”

“Well…it sure would be warmer than the cargo decks. Alright, you got it. I’ll do you the favor of sleeping in your bed.”

“Gee, Cat. What an honor,” Lister replied, rolling his eyes. He shifted his body over and braced himself for the Cat to launch onto his bunk. The landing was surprisingly gentle, and Cat slunk gracefully into a lying-down position next to his favorite monkey.

Lister was slightly surprised by how close Cat was, and how little room there was to maneuver. Still, the feline’s body was warm, and comforting.

Apparently Cat felt similarly about his bunkmate, because he began to make a low, purring sound in his upper chest. He also began to rub his head against Lister’s shoulder affectionately, and paw at his midriff.

“Erm…” Lister wasn’t sure what to say. It wasn’t uncomfortable, and he knew it was instinct – he’d seen Frankie do this before, when content. He let the comment drop, and enjoyed the contact.

“Lister, what the smeg is going on up there?” Rimmer’s voice broke the moment, from the bunk below. “Should I go and get a bucket of cold water to throw on you two?” His voice was harsh, tinged with something besides annoyance.

“He’s just cold, Rimmer,” Lister replied evenly, reaching out to scratch Cat behind the ear and stroke his hair, “that’s all.”

“Hmph,” came the suspicious response from below.

The purring grew louder with Lister’s attention to petting him. Cat snuggled closer, and Lister’s eyes widened silently as he felt a distinct part of his friend pressed up against his leg. Cat seemed unabashed.

Lister’s hand stilled by Cat’s ear, and Cat’s purring ceased. The feline nudged his head into Lister’s hand more forcefully, demanding attention. A tiny sound like a squeak made its way out of Lister’s throat.

Cat would not be deterred.

“What’s the matter, monkey, I didn’t say you could stop!” he said, irritated. He slid himself on top of Lister, face-down, and began to paw at the man’s midriff again, a hint of claws giving a warning. Lister understood, and began to pet him again, behind the ears. The purring recommenced.

“You like that, eh?” Lister asked, in a measured tone.

“Mmm, yes, that’s nice,” Cat replied in a slow, pleasured voice.

“Ahem!” came the slightly frantic voice from below.

Lister had an evil thought.

“Oooh, Cat, yes, right there….” He feigned.

Rimmer shot out of bed, took one glance at the top bunk (The Cat lying atop Lister, licking up his collar in gratitude for the attention) and fled the room murmuring something about smegging disrespect and bestiality.

Lister let out a laugh, and looked into Cat’s face, expecting to share the joke.

“Great! Now alphabet-head is gone, we can have some real fun!”

Lister was speechless for some time.

 

 

 

 

Comments

[toxic-chocolate.livejournal.com]

I never thought it would happen either, which saddened me as I love this pairing! Good work~

[tsukinobun.livejournal.com]

I haven't been a fan of this pairing at all, but then watching "Dimension Jump" again (gotta be in the running for slashiest episode ever), with that little face stroke for injured Cat...
I saw a bit of hottness and was intrigued.

Are there any other episodes which have Lister/Cat moments? Maybe I just haven't been looking hard enough.

[tsukinobun.livejournal.com]

Yes, I wouldn't have written this if Rimsy didn't get a bit of a cameo. It would be absolutely criminal for Listy to do something like this *behind Rimmer's back*. But as long he knows about it, and it's not meant to be a secret love affair or anything...
maybe?

hmm.
this is bad. plot bunnies are corrupting me.

friends always welcome :)

[dauphkantus.livejournal.com]

Could maybe have the Cat try to give Rimmer pointers? That'd be an amusing drabble at the very least.

[tsukinobun.livejournal.com]

yes, i agree...
yet the plot bunny stares at me in expectant anticipation...

how do i say no to such a fluffy little idea?

[erinptah]

*sporfle*

Magnificent. I love how Cat's affection is so . . . cat-like. And yet not totally innocent after all :D

[dauphkantus.livejournal.com]

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA, I just love those last few lines, though I have to admit that I don't usually read any other pairing besides R&L because it doesn't feel natural to me, but this one totally did! Including the cat movements, and Lister's 'joke', cause those made it the most amusing.

[tsukinobun.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean, Lister/Rimmer is the only pairing that feels *right*. But once in a while, I imagine, Lister and Cat would have a questioning moment -- they are the only two tangible, living things on the ship (for most of the series).
Bleh! Can't believe I just said that.
Lister/Rimmer is the only true pairing.
...I'm certain.

[dauphkantus.livejournal.com]

=DD Well maybe, but I doubt it simply based on the fact that Cat would rarely deign to be seen with monkey-boy for that long, and get anywhere near his disgusting habits, etc etc.
They're certainly the best and most natural feeling pairing, that's for sure- I mean could you imagine a Rimmer&Cat or ANYTHING&Kryten? They'd be the sort of drivel that you'd want to check the writer into an asylum or some fangirls-anonymous help clinic of some sort. If only because it'd seem so unnatural and trite, though I have to admit if someone could write anything like that that'd be BELIEVABLE then I'd retract that sentence.
Maybe.

[tsukinobun.livejournal.com]

that sounds AWFULLY like a challenge, miladdo.
.
.
.
oh dear.
That, and your suggestion for a drabble of Cat giving Rimsy pointers? I should just come to you for story plots, I think. :)

[dauphkantus.livejournal.com]

Lol, fine, if you want me as your challenging inspiration, I suppose I might try that as well. So long as I can perhaps beta them if you'd need me to?

[tsukinobun.livejournal.com]

Oooh, moving up in the world, aren't I?
A beta, and new episodes of RD all in the same week? We won't see the like of these times again. :)

Would you really? Oh, I've always wanted a beta. :)
How does it work? Would I email you the stories? I'm quite excited about this now!

[dauphkantus.livejournal.com]

Yeah, email's fine- I already did that today for a friend of mine from Germany, even for this fandom! though I doubt you'd have random grammar translation problems like that =D

[alyeen1.livejournal.com]

like that
Ey? ;-)

Yes, and I can recommend you dearly as a beta *writing certification*

[dauphkantus.livejournal.com]

Hey, I'm probably one of the few beta readers who can make sense of random translation problems of "omg now we're missing an english verb that didn't need to be there when it was german!"
=DD

You know I love it ~<3

[bobbybob87.livejournal.com]

But once in a while, I imagine, Lister and Cat would have a questioning moment -- they are the only two tangible, living things on the ship

That had crossed my mind too, but I find it hard to think of Cat in a sexual way. I just get visions of his six nipples and start laughing!

[dauphkantus.livejournal.com]

Oh? but remember the whole "S-E-X I think I want it, yeah! S-E-X, I'm gonna get it, yeow! S-E-X, I think I found it, HEY! ... oh, monkey its you! Sick helpless and unconscious!" bit back in Confidence and Paranoia? That could help change your mindview hmm? *pssts to tsukinobun- PLOTBUNNY HERE HAHAHA*

[tsukinobun.livejournal.com]

No! Not another one! They weren't kidding when they warned me that (plot)bunnies breed like...well, like they're trapped on a mining ship in deep space and have to repopulate the cosmos.

Smeg. I'll never be able to leave my computer again. I'm going to be writing these till the end of time, aren't I?

I'll be writing fics until I die, at which point, I'll have to make sure to end with a lovely slash that finishes with "...gazpacho soup".

Still, could be worse. ;)

[dauphkantus.livejournal.com]

"...and it tasted like piping-hot gazpacho soup" =DD you can add a story to that, I know you can! xDD

[faithsdiary.livejournal.com]

lol very nice :)

[bobbybob87.livejournal.com]

Normally I don't go near anything other than Rimmer/Lister, but I knew this would be good because you wrote it, and I was right!

Poor Rimsy though! *giggles*

[tsukinobun.livejournal.com]

aww, you're too nice. *blushes*.
I love jealous Rimmer. :)

[lilrand0m-chik.livejournal.com]

This was adorable. =3 Hope you write more (to avoid the fic you were suppose to work on) XD

[alyeen1.livejournal.com]

Not such a big fan of anything besides Rimmer/Lister either, but you are really good!!!
Think it's great how you got the Cat :-)

[telegramsam.livejournal.com]

My face is like this right now - 8D

WRITE MOAR PLZ. Seriously. This is hilarious. You can still writer lister/rimmer, there's no reason not to have more than one pet pairing, right? Get it, pet pairing? HA HA. X3