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Apr. 7th, 2009 08:04 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
alyeen1.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
reddwarfslashTitle: Forgiveness
Pairing: Rimmer/Lister
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine. Blah.
Notes: Set immediately after Rimmerworld. Lister has to talk to Rimmer about the events on the simulant’s ship. Big thanks to the wonderful![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
dauphkantus for her help. In every possible way.
On a train, in a bad mood and thinking about times when Lister was in a bad mood ... leads to a small fic like
Lister stepped into their quarters. The man he’d searched for was sitting scrunched up on his bunk, his hands buried in his hands. All what was visible of him was his hair. Curly, smooth hairs ...
No.
This time he couldn’t simply ignore it. Nothing he could plainly shrug off as one of the occasional bad incidents.
No sympathy this time. No pity. No forgiving.
He just couldn't take it, him, anymore.
"You left me." His voice sounded surprisingly calm for the emotional turmoil in him.
Rimmer looked up. Blankly. He had seen this coming.
"You turned your back on me."
"Literally", he added sharply.
If he closed his eyes he could see Rimmer standing behind the simulant, looking in his direction without out actually looking at him.
"You didn't even consider saving me." Lister had seen no inner struggle in Rimmer between different parts, at which in the end cowardice and anxiety had simply won. There had been nothing like that.
"After everything we've been through. After all that has been between us." Has been? Is?
Lister had not even seen a spark of concern about him.
Rimmer had just left him.
"You have abandoned me." Lister's voice started to quiver. Abandoned like a toy you lost interest in. Is that it? Have I just been something to play with? Do I mean nothing to you? Have I ever meant anything?
Rimmer didn't move. But his eyes flickered painfully.
Yes, it hurts.
The image of Rimmer looking through him repeated itself in his mind over and over again. Always with the same outcome.
Lister couldn't understand it. His life had been handed to the simulant on a platter ... and Rimmer could have saved him, finally being heroic as he always wanted to be. But instead he had just "turned away", Lister mumbled.
"Away from me."
Why? his mind screamed? I would have risked my life for you. Water welled up in his eyes. He couldn't help it. Am I nothing to you? He couldn't ask. What would he do if the answer was yes?
Rimmer maybe didn't feel anything, but his feelings for Rimmer were still there. They only seemed meaningless. Even now he longed for a touch that would send a pleasant shiver down his spine. A furtive glance that would evolve into a discreet touch of hands and from there into a gentle kiss. Which would become more passionate and then ...
He couldn't lose that. It can't be over. He needed that. That someone wanted his company, his ... him. That somebody cared about him. The feeling that somebody needed him. And he thought he had found it. It had felt like it. But maybe I've been wrong.
How much wrong? He didn't want to know the truth, but this uncertainty was even worse.
Lister swallowed and blinked the tears away. Rimmer still hadn't moved, but his greyed eyes showed his distress.
Lister moved towards him. Rimmer’s complexion turned almost transparent. He slumped down a little more. Even now a coward. If it would not have been so horrible Lister would have been amused.
"Don't do that." He didn't want to sound pleading, but to face the hurtful truth filled him with fear. "Don't turn away."
"Again", he added quietly.
The picture rose in his mind once more. And with it the question Why? again.
Rimmer's eyes turned dark. They seemed to lose the last remaining colour.
"I am sorry." His voice was flat, broken, trembling.
"I have hurt you." Hopelessness dropped from every syllable. "I don't know why I did it. I have asked myself that for the last five hundred years." Lister could read in his dim eyes that he had given up trying to find an answer.
"I can't forgive myself." Lister could see the words How can I expect you to forgive me? forming in Rimmer's forlorn gaze.
"I wished sometimes I would have died next to you on that ship than that I did ... what I did to you." his voice fell into a whisper.
Lister sat down next to Rimmer and put an arm around him. The almost undetectable hologrammatic electric field calmed him immediately.
"I can forgive you", he said tenderly and drew Rimmer a bit closer.
Rimmer raised an eyebrow. "But ... why?" he choked out incredulously and stunned.
Because of what you've just said. Because I do mean something for you. As you mean a lot to me. "Because I need you. I want you. And you need me too."
A warm brown colour returned in Rimmer's eyes. "I do."
He moved his face closer to Lister's that their noses almost touched. He may have hesitated there for a second, possibly waiting if Lister would withdraw, but then thin lips touched his.
It was a gentle kiss, the softly curved mouth only lightly brushing over his, only the tip of his tongue carefully stroking Lister's. But the emotions Rimmer’s smooth kiss expressed almost overwhelmed him. Lister tasted desire, passion, care and long fingers stroking the back of his head.
Relief and comfort flooded his body, replacing desperation and pain.
He felt sympathy. He took pity on him. He forgave. Because Rimmer wanted him.
Pairing: Rimmer/Lister
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine. Blah.
Notes: Set immediately after Rimmerworld. Lister has to talk to Rimmer about the events on the simulant’s ship. Big thanks to the wonderful
dauphkantus for her help. In every possible way.On a train, in a bad mood and thinking about times when Lister was in a bad mood ... leads to a small fic like
Lister stepped into their quarters. The man he’d searched for was sitting scrunched up on his bunk, his hands buried in his hands. All what was visible of him was his hair. Curly, smooth hairs ...
No.
This time he couldn’t simply ignore it. Nothing he could plainly shrug off as one of the occasional bad incidents.
No sympathy this time. No pity. No forgiving.
He just couldn't take it, him, anymore.
"You left me." His voice sounded surprisingly calm for the emotional turmoil in him.
Rimmer looked up. Blankly. He had seen this coming.
"You turned your back on me."
"Literally", he added sharply.
If he closed his eyes he could see Rimmer standing behind the simulant, looking in his direction without out actually looking at him.
"You didn't even consider saving me." Lister had seen no inner struggle in Rimmer between different parts, at which in the end cowardice and anxiety had simply won. There had been nothing like that.
"After everything we've been through. After all that has been between us." Has been? Is?
Lister had not even seen a spark of concern about him.
Rimmer had just left him.
"You have abandoned me." Lister's voice started to quiver. Abandoned like a toy you lost interest in. Is that it? Have I just been something to play with? Do I mean nothing to you? Have I ever meant anything?
Rimmer didn't move. But his eyes flickered painfully.
Yes, it hurts.
The image of Rimmer looking through him repeated itself in his mind over and over again. Always with the same outcome.
Lister couldn't understand it. His life had been handed to the simulant on a platter ... and Rimmer could have saved him, finally being heroic as he always wanted to be. But instead he had just "turned away", Lister mumbled.
"Away from me."
Why? his mind screamed? I would have risked my life for you. Water welled up in his eyes. He couldn't help it. Am I nothing to you? He couldn't ask. What would he do if the answer was yes?
Rimmer maybe didn't feel anything, but his feelings for Rimmer were still there. They only seemed meaningless. Even now he longed for a touch that would send a pleasant shiver down his spine. A furtive glance that would evolve into a discreet touch of hands and from there into a gentle kiss. Which would become more passionate and then ...
He couldn't lose that. It can't be over. He needed that. That someone wanted his company, his ... him. That somebody cared about him. The feeling that somebody needed him. And he thought he had found it. It had felt like it. But maybe I've been wrong.
How much wrong? He didn't want to know the truth, but this uncertainty was even worse.
Lister swallowed and blinked the tears away. Rimmer still hadn't moved, but his greyed eyes showed his distress.
Lister moved towards him. Rimmer’s complexion turned almost transparent. He slumped down a little more. Even now a coward. If it would not have been so horrible Lister would have been amused.
"Don't do that." He didn't want to sound pleading, but to face the hurtful truth filled him with fear. "Don't turn away."
"Again", he added quietly.
The picture rose in his mind once more. And with it the question Why? again.
Rimmer's eyes turned dark. They seemed to lose the last remaining colour.
"I am sorry." His voice was flat, broken, trembling.
"I have hurt you." Hopelessness dropped from every syllable. "I don't know why I did it. I have asked myself that for the last five hundred years." Lister could read in his dim eyes that he had given up trying to find an answer.
"I can't forgive myself." Lister could see the words How can I expect you to forgive me? forming in Rimmer's forlorn gaze.
"I wished sometimes I would have died next to you on that ship than that I did ... what I did to you." his voice fell into a whisper.
Lister sat down next to Rimmer and put an arm around him. The almost undetectable hologrammatic electric field calmed him immediately.
"I can forgive you", he said tenderly and drew Rimmer a bit closer.
Rimmer raised an eyebrow. "But ... why?" he choked out incredulously and stunned.
Because of what you've just said. Because I do mean something for you. As you mean a lot to me. "Because I need you. I want you. And you need me too."
A warm brown colour returned in Rimmer's eyes. "I do."
He moved his face closer to Lister's that their noses almost touched. He may have hesitated there for a second, possibly waiting if Lister would withdraw, but then thin lips touched his.
It was a gentle kiss, the softly curved mouth only lightly brushing over his, only the tip of his tongue carefully stroking Lister's. But the emotions Rimmer’s smooth kiss expressed almost overwhelmed him. Lister tasted desire, passion, care and long fingers stroking the back of his head.
Relief and comfort flooded his body, replacing desperation and pain.
He felt sympathy. He took pity on him. He forgave. Because Rimmer wanted him.
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Date: 2009-04-08 01:55 pm (UTC)squishes them
Just visualizing this ;-)