Second Chances (Rimmer/Lister, R)
Oct. 6th, 2009 08:05 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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reddwarfslashTitle: Second Chances
Rating: R
Pairing: Rimmer/Lister, a little Lister/Kochanski
Spoilers: Everything between The End and BITR
Summary: Sequel to No Romance. More angst, less sex (I'm sure I meant to do it the other way round!)
It should never have happened. Lister knows that. Okay, so the first few times he was drunk, had stumbled into Rimmer's bed almost by mistake. And it wasn't Lister's fault that Rimmer looked good through beer goggles, and if his room mate was happy to lie still while Lister thrust against his side then what was the problem? It was the only action Rimmer ever got, so he was practically doing the guy a favour. It had just been stupid drunken sex (though he'd never smelt any booze on Rimmer's breath), just meaningless, harmless fun.
Except it wasn't, it really wasn't. Because somehow the alcohol was less necessary each time, to the point where he was sucking Rimmer off in grotty toilets when he was still sober enough to walk straight. Rimmer had made these small noises, little grunts and gasps as Lister swallowed him down, and it had been so damn sexy Lister had come in his pants like an over-excited teenager. Afterwards there'd been this strange look on Rimmer's face, like he was suddenly seeing Lister in a whole new way. It was the closest Lister ever got to seeing him happy.
Of course, he'd met Krissie and that had changed things. She was beautiful and fun and really everything he'd ever wanted, and it made the whole Rimmer thing seem like it was from a different universe. He'd spent the four weeks they were together in a happy haze, barely noticing the way Rimmer's glares became sharper and his insults more barbed. After they'd broken up, life was suddenly muted, like all the colour had been sucked out. He'd barely functioned for days, crying and drinking and just wanting her back more than anything. He'd turned to Rimmer mainly out of desperation, wanting comfort other than the bottom of a bottle. He'd been pretty out of it, pinning Rimmer to the bed and whispering things he didn't even know he wanted. Only then Rimmer had come at just the thought of being fucked by him, and everything had seemed too real. Because this wasn't just meaningless sex, not to Rimmer.
Lister had done his best to stay away after that, trying not to listen to Rimmer moaning in the shower on a morning or quietly gasping as he touched himself at night. And, yeah, it was a little hard having that attraction there, knowing he could have Rimmer any time he wanted and having to say no to that. But then he ended up in stasis and it didn't matter anyway.
It was better, Rimmer being a hologram. Not that he was happy about everyone being dead – that was smegging terrible, especially Krissie (though he had to get her back eventually, right? After all, it was true love). But things were easier when Rimmer couldn't touch or be touched, it took away that temptation. The tension between them lessened and things became more bearable. Occasionally they almost felt like friends.
There were the odd moments, of course. There was discovering that holograms were solid in AR – something Lister could've done without knowing, really. He'd stuck with Cat in Better Than Life, worried that if he spent too much time alone, he'd start seeing Rimmer naked and flushed and begging to be fucked, laid out on stiff cotton sheets like a prize Lister never even knew he wanted. Thankfully, the real Rimmer was off chasing McGruder in a ridiculous display of heterosexuality, and afterwards had sworn off AR for a very long time.
Then there was Ace. He was Rimmer, only with bravery and charm in place of neurosis and cowardice. And he was alive, he was touchable. It wouldn't be the same as having Rimmer, awkward and unsure and gasping as Lister took him, but Ace could at least help with the urge. And he knew Ace was interested, that being adored turned him on no matter who it came from. But there was something about the jealousy radiating from Rimmer that made Lister take a step back. Some things just weren't worth the risk.
He kind of wished he had, though, when he saw Rimmer on that psi-moon. It was a lot harder to not want the smeghead when he was practically naked and oiled, looking like something from Lister's own fantasies. He'd touched him later, rested a hand on his thigh, and it had been so damn tempting to slide his hand further up, to touch the growing bulge he was sure would be there, to make Rimmer whimper and moan like none of this mess mattered. It was only the sight of Kryten on the other side of Rimmer, lying away like Lister had taught him, that made him hold back.
But then Rimmer had got the hard-light drive, and it all went to smeg. They'd both known straight away what would happen when they got back to Starbug, it was pretty much inevitable. Lister hadn't even needed a few drinks in him first, he had three million years of sexual frustration on his side. Rimmer had left the door to his quarters unlocked, the biggest invitation Lister would ever get. Lister had paused for a moment in front of that tantalising door, his whole body thrumming with anticipation. And then he'd entered the room, saw Rimmer waiting for him on the small bed, and nothing could've stopped him from taking what he wanted.
They didn't kiss, didn't waste any time with foreplay, didn't remove any more clothes than what was necessary. Rimmer had whimpered, his half-hidden in his pillow as Lister pushed into him. He'd been so smegging tight, simulated skin emitting an almost human warmth, and it shouldn't have been perfect but it was. They'd fallen into a steady rhythm, Rimmer pushing back against him and Lister jerking him off in retaliation. It was over pretty quickly and Lister left straight after, ignoring a small pang of guilt. Rimmer hadn't looked at him the whole time.
It had been a quick, dirty fuck, awkward but necessary sex between two people who'd been alone in space too long. And yet it had been smegging fantastic and Lister wanted to do it again, only Rimmer was completely unresponsive on the subject. He pretended not to understand when Lister tried to talk to him about it, never let the two of them be alone together, kept his quarters locked at all times. And there was really nothing Lister could do – he wasn't going to force Rimmer into anything. He'd just hoped that Rimmer would come to him one night, would finally let it happen again. Though this was the man that had taken the astronavigation exam thirteen times and wasted fourteen years of his life in a job he hated because he was too proud to admit he'd never be an officer. Lister would have to wait a lifetime before Rimmer would admit he wanted this.
Things were pretty tense between them and Rimmer obviously wasn't happy, so when Ace came asking Rimmer to take over, Lister encouraged him to go. It helped with that growing guilt, and if Lister didn't want to see him go, that was his problem. And, yeah, Lister missed him, in a way that surprised even himself. Because it wasn't just the sex, the loss of that hope that it'd happen again – he missed their strange camaraderie as well. They'd driven each other mad, but there'd been some affection there, sometimes. They hadn't known how to show it, had sniped and argued because they didn't know how else to be, but that didn't mean they didn't care. Lister cared. And he missed Rimmer, even after Kryten had traumatised them all with The Rimmer Experience.
He got Krissie back, though, like he always knew he would. And yet, something's not quite right. Maybe it's because she's from another dimension, maybe it's just that Lister's finally grown up, but he doesn't see her the same way he used to. She's still beautiful, though, and he'd thought that maybe, just maybe they could have something, until they found the nanobots and everything went mad.
It's been a strange couple of days. Suddenly Lister's back on Red Dwarf with the crew still alive, just like it used to be. And there's Rimmer, selfish and obnoxious, exactly like the past six years haven't happened because, for him, they haven't. This isn't the Rimmer that Lister spent all those years in deep space with, that he'd run away from GELFs with, and argued with, and got to know so well. And this isn't the Rimmer that had whimpered as Lister fucked him, coming all over Lister's fist as he pushed into him again and again. But then, this Rimmer hasn't grown bitter from years of being unable to touch anything, hasn't had his most valued possessions burned just to keep Lister warm, hasn't been told he is loved only for it to be snatched back like it didn't even matter. This Rimmer is something like a second chance.
And so, as Lister creeps into the lower bunk in the middle of the night, awkwardly reaching for Rimmer in the dark, he tells himself that this time it'll be different.
Rating: R
Pairing: Rimmer/Lister, a little Lister/Kochanski
Spoilers: Everything between The End and BITR
Summary: Sequel to No Romance. More angst, less sex (I'm sure I meant to do it the other way round!)
It should never have happened. Lister knows that. Okay, so the first few times he was drunk, had stumbled into Rimmer's bed almost by mistake. And it wasn't Lister's fault that Rimmer looked good through beer goggles, and if his room mate was happy to lie still while Lister thrust against his side then what was the problem? It was the only action Rimmer ever got, so he was practically doing the guy a favour. It had just been stupid drunken sex (though he'd never smelt any booze on Rimmer's breath), just meaningless, harmless fun.
Except it wasn't, it really wasn't. Because somehow the alcohol was less necessary each time, to the point where he was sucking Rimmer off in grotty toilets when he was still sober enough to walk straight. Rimmer had made these small noises, little grunts and gasps as Lister swallowed him down, and it had been so damn sexy Lister had come in his pants like an over-excited teenager. Afterwards there'd been this strange look on Rimmer's face, like he was suddenly seeing Lister in a whole new way. It was the closest Lister ever got to seeing him happy.
Of course, he'd met Krissie and that had changed things. She was beautiful and fun and really everything he'd ever wanted, and it made the whole Rimmer thing seem like it was from a different universe. He'd spent the four weeks they were together in a happy haze, barely noticing the way Rimmer's glares became sharper and his insults more barbed. After they'd broken up, life was suddenly muted, like all the colour had been sucked out. He'd barely functioned for days, crying and drinking and just wanting her back more than anything. He'd turned to Rimmer mainly out of desperation, wanting comfort other than the bottom of a bottle. He'd been pretty out of it, pinning Rimmer to the bed and whispering things he didn't even know he wanted. Only then Rimmer had come at just the thought of being fucked by him, and everything had seemed too real. Because this wasn't just meaningless sex, not to Rimmer.
Lister had done his best to stay away after that, trying not to listen to Rimmer moaning in the shower on a morning or quietly gasping as he touched himself at night. And, yeah, it was a little hard having that attraction there, knowing he could have Rimmer any time he wanted and having to say no to that. But then he ended up in stasis and it didn't matter anyway.
It was better, Rimmer being a hologram. Not that he was happy about everyone being dead – that was smegging terrible, especially Krissie (though he had to get her back eventually, right? After all, it was true love). But things were easier when Rimmer couldn't touch or be touched, it took away that temptation. The tension between them lessened and things became more bearable. Occasionally they almost felt like friends.
There were the odd moments, of course. There was discovering that holograms were solid in AR – something Lister could've done without knowing, really. He'd stuck with Cat in Better Than Life, worried that if he spent too much time alone, he'd start seeing Rimmer naked and flushed and begging to be fucked, laid out on stiff cotton sheets like a prize Lister never even knew he wanted. Thankfully, the real Rimmer was off chasing McGruder in a ridiculous display of heterosexuality, and afterwards had sworn off AR for a very long time.
Then there was Ace. He was Rimmer, only with bravery and charm in place of neurosis and cowardice. And he was alive, he was touchable. It wouldn't be the same as having Rimmer, awkward and unsure and gasping as Lister took him, but Ace could at least help with the urge. And he knew Ace was interested, that being adored turned him on no matter who it came from. But there was something about the jealousy radiating from Rimmer that made Lister take a step back. Some things just weren't worth the risk.
He kind of wished he had, though, when he saw Rimmer on that psi-moon. It was a lot harder to not want the smeghead when he was practically naked and oiled, looking like something from Lister's own fantasies. He'd touched him later, rested a hand on his thigh, and it had been so damn tempting to slide his hand further up, to touch the growing bulge he was sure would be there, to make Rimmer whimper and moan like none of this mess mattered. It was only the sight of Kryten on the other side of Rimmer, lying away like Lister had taught him, that made him hold back.
But then Rimmer had got the hard-light drive, and it all went to smeg. They'd both known straight away what would happen when they got back to Starbug, it was pretty much inevitable. Lister hadn't even needed a few drinks in him first, he had three million years of sexual frustration on his side. Rimmer had left the door to his quarters unlocked, the biggest invitation Lister would ever get. Lister had paused for a moment in front of that tantalising door, his whole body thrumming with anticipation. And then he'd entered the room, saw Rimmer waiting for him on the small bed, and nothing could've stopped him from taking what he wanted.
They didn't kiss, didn't waste any time with foreplay, didn't remove any more clothes than what was necessary. Rimmer had whimpered, his half-hidden in his pillow as Lister pushed into him. He'd been so smegging tight, simulated skin emitting an almost human warmth, and it shouldn't have been perfect but it was. They'd fallen into a steady rhythm, Rimmer pushing back against him and Lister jerking him off in retaliation. It was over pretty quickly and Lister left straight after, ignoring a small pang of guilt. Rimmer hadn't looked at him the whole time.
It had been a quick, dirty fuck, awkward but necessary sex between two people who'd been alone in space too long. And yet it had been smegging fantastic and Lister wanted to do it again, only Rimmer was completely unresponsive on the subject. He pretended not to understand when Lister tried to talk to him about it, never let the two of them be alone together, kept his quarters locked at all times. And there was really nothing Lister could do – he wasn't going to force Rimmer into anything. He'd just hoped that Rimmer would come to him one night, would finally let it happen again. Though this was the man that had taken the astronavigation exam thirteen times and wasted fourteen years of his life in a job he hated because he was too proud to admit he'd never be an officer. Lister would have to wait a lifetime before Rimmer would admit he wanted this.
Things were pretty tense between them and Rimmer obviously wasn't happy, so when Ace came asking Rimmer to take over, Lister encouraged him to go. It helped with that growing guilt, and if Lister didn't want to see him go, that was his problem. And, yeah, Lister missed him, in a way that surprised even himself. Because it wasn't just the sex, the loss of that hope that it'd happen again – he missed their strange camaraderie as well. They'd driven each other mad, but there'd been some affection there, sometimes. They hadn't known how to show it, had sniped and argued because they didn't know how else to be, but that didn't mean they didn't care. Lister cared. And he missed Rimmer, even after Kryten had traumatised them all with The Rimmer Experience.
He got Krissie back, though, like he always knew he would. And yet, something's not quite right. Maybe it's because she's from another dimension, maybe it's just that Lister's finally grown up, but he doesn't see her the same way he used to. She's still beautiful, though, and he'd thought that maybe, just maybe they could have something, until they found the nanobots and everything went mad.
It's been a strange couple of days. Suddenly Lister's back on Red Dwarf with the crew still alive, just like it used to be. And there's Rimmer, selfish and obnoxious, exactly like the past six years haven't happened because, for him, they haven't. This isn't the Rimmer that Lister spent all those years in deep space with, that he'd run away from GELFs with, and argued with, and got to know so well. And this isn't the Rimmer that had whimpered as Lister fucked him, coming all over Lister's fist as he pushed into him again and again. But then, this Rimmer hasn't grown bitter from years of being unable to touch anything, hasn't had his most valued possessions burned just to keep Lister warm, hasn't been told he is loved only for it to be snatched back like it didn't even matter. This Rimmer is something like a second chance.
And so, as Lister creeps into the lower bunk in the middle of the night, awkwardly reaching for Rimmer in the dark, he tells himself that this time it'll be different.
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no subject
Date: 2009-10-06 07:50 pm (UTC)"...this Rimmer hasn't...had his most valued possessions burned just to keep Lister warm, hasn't been told he is loved only for it to be snatched back like it didn't even matter." I really like the idea of Lister angsting a bit over his role in making Rimmer as messed up as he is.
xXx
no subject
Date: 2009-10-06 08:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-06 10:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-07 09:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-07 12:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-06 10:30 pm (UTC)That last line sealed the deal amazingly well!
Awesome job, I LOVE IT! :D
*HUGS*!!
no subject
Date: 2009-10-07 05:28 am (UTC)There is hope yet~
(Lovely writing.)
no subject
Date: 2009-10-08 03:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-10 06:46 am (UTC)