Fic: We wish you a merry... something.
Apr. 19th, 2011 09:23 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
roadstergal.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
reddwarfslashTitle: We wish you a merry... something.
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
roadstergal
Rating: PG
Summary: Set during VI, after Legion. Spoilers up to then. Kryten tries to do something nice for Lister, as usual, and screws it up, as
Notes: Thanks tokahvi for the beta.
Secrecy was paramount.
That much, Kryten had discerned from his study of human holiday rites. He had known all of them inside-out, once, but the various repair jobs he had undergone - mainly from the not-so-talented hands of Lister - had scrambled his knowledge them beyond recognition. All he had read in the torn remains of that Holidays of Britain book had struck a chord deep within, though, so he felt confident that he had this right.
After carefully double-checking the lock on the cargo hold door, he opened the little box of light-bee personality add-ons he had found in the lab supply ship. He looked over the available options. The instruction manuals were long-gone, but the simple label on each should be enough to go by. The Father add-on was not a good idea, if Rimmer's father was any guide - and it was the only guide Kryten had to go on, after all. Girlfriend - no, Mister Rimmer was not a girl, so that would hardly work. Best mate - no. Something deep within Kryten objected strongly to the idea of Mister Lister having a 'mate.'
Gentleman's companion. Yes, that would be good. That was what Mister Lister was missing, after all - companionship - and he certainly was deserving of the quality of same that would be offered to a gentleman!
Kryten might not be a chocolate bell, and he might not be able to properly slip this gift under Mister Lister's pillow, but he would do his best to make this a Lent that Mister Lister would never forget.
Kryten, Rimmer decided in the short time he had to contemplate the mechanoid's behavior, was acting even odder than usual. Yes, the idiot robot didn't like him - Rimmer considered this a point very much in his own favor, in fact. Being despised by idiots was a mark of genius. Rimmer was not sure, however, where being hit over the head with a lead pipe by idiots fit into the genius scheme. Not that it affected him negatively, thanks to his hard-light drive, but it hurt like a bugger. He really should talk to Lister about deactivating that thing - but not before he figured out where being tazed by idiots fit into the genius scheme.
The world went a rather pleasing shade of black.
There were days when Lister's sunny optimism could break through the darkest of moods, when the lack of supplies bothered him not one bit, when he could practically taste the air of Fiji and feel the warm sand.
This was not one of those days.
The dark ugly interior of Starbug felt like it was all the universe he would ever know. He popped open the last can of lager from their stores and took a pull, the smooth taste marred by the knowledge that yes, it was the last one.
"Hello, Listy..."
That was definitely the last thing Lister needed right now. Rimmer, lecturing him on limited supplies. Rimmer, boasting about not needing food. Rimmer, being smegging Rimmer. Lister took a pull of lager, telling himself resolutely to ignore the man.
"How are you this fine morning, Listy?" Rimmer asked, his voice oddly soft, sliding his leg up onto the table, half-sitting on it, facing Lister.
Lister looked at the velour-covered leg with suspicion. This was definitely not right. Rimmer must be taking an entirely new and elaborate kind of piss. "What are you playing at?"
"Playing?" Rimmer laughed, and Lister frowned. He had never, as far as he could remember, heard Rimmer laughing a laugh that wasn't forced or malicious, and it was disconcerting. "I suppose, if you like that kind of thing, we could..."
Lister leaned back, frowning. This was definitely an elaborate game on Rimmer's part. "Come off it, Rimmer," he growled, "we don't have time for this."
"You're right," Rimmer mused, "time is short." He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Lister's.
Lister was shocked, startled, gobsmacked - a Roget of surprise. His mouth fell open, and Rimmer's tongue went inside, and it was a startlingly warm and soft and dry tongue, surprisingly pleasing, and Rimmer's hand fell to his crotch, pressing against it, then moving to unfasten his overalls...
"Oi!" Lister yelped, jumping up and away from a surprised-looking Rimmer. "Getoff!" He turned and ran from the room, not caring that his lager was sitting half-drunk on the table, needing to get away from that strange creature with Rimmer's form who smiled and laughed and kissed him..
Kryten stood in the middle of the room Lister and Cat shared, stringing bright ropes of what looked like electrical wire insulation from one wall to another. He turned as Lister ran in. "Happy Lent, Mister Lister sir!"
Author:
roadstergalRating: PG
Summary: Set during VI, after Legion. Spoilers up to then. Kryten tries to do something nice for Lister, as usual, and screws it up, as
Notes: Thanks to
kahvi for the beta.Secrecy was paramount.
That much, Kryten had discerned from his study of human holiday rites. He had known all of them inside-out, once, but the various repair jobs he had undergone - mainly from the not-so-talented hands of Lister - had scrambled his knowledge them beyond recognition. All he had read in the torn remains of that Holidays of Britain book had struck a chord deep within, though, so he felt confident that he had this right.
After carefully double-checking the lock on the cargo hold door, he opened the little box of light-bee personality add-ons he had found in the lab supply ship. He looked over the available options. The instruction manuals were long-gone, but the simple label on each should be enough to go by. The Father add-on was not a good idea, if Rimmer's father was any guide - and it was the only guide Kryten had to go on, after all. Girlfriend - no, Mister Rimmer was not a girl, so that would hardly work. Best mate - no. Something deep within Kryten objected strongly to the idea of Mister Lister having a 'mate.'
Gentleman's companion. Yes, that would be good. That was what Mister Lister was missing, after all - companionship - and he certainly was deserving of the quality of same that would be offered to a gentleman!
Kryten might not be a chocolate bell, and he might not be able to properly slip this gift under Mister Lister's pillow, but he would do his best to make this a Lent that Mister Lister would never forget.
Kryten, Rimmer decided in the short time he had to contemplate the mechanoid's behavior, was acting even odder than usual. Yes, the idiot robot didn't like him - Rimmer considered this a point very much in his own favor, in fact. Being despised by idiots was a mark of genius. Rimmer was not sure, however, where being hit over the head with a lead pipe by idiots fit into the genius scheme. Not that it affected him negatively, thanks to his hard-light drive, but it hurt like a bugger. He really should talk to Lister about deactivating that thing - but not before he figured out where being tazed by idiots fit into the genius scheme.
The world went a rather pleasing shade of black.
There were days when Lister's sunny optimism could break through the darkest of moods, when the lack of supplies bothered him not one bit, when he could practically taste the air of Fiji and feel the warm sand.
This was not one of those days.
The dark ugly interior of Starbug felt like it was all the universe he would ever know. He popped open the last can of lager from their stores and took a pull, the smooth taste marred by the knowledge that yes, it was the last one.
"Hello, Listy..."
That was definitely the last thing Lister needed right now. Rimmer, lecturing him on limited supplies. Rimmer, boasting about not needing food. Rimmer, being smegging Rimmer. Lister took a pull of lager, telling himself resolutely to ignore the man.
"How are you this fine morning, Listy?" Rimmer asked, his voice oddly soft, sliding his leg up onto the table, half-sitting on it, facing Lister.
Lister looked at the velour-covered leg with suspicion. This was definitely not right. Rimmer must be taking an entirely new and elaborate kind of piss. "What are you playing at?"
"Playing?" Rimmer laughed, and Lister frowned. He had never, as far as he could remember, heard Rimmer laughing a laugh that wasn't forced or malicious, and it was disconcerting. "I suppose, if you like that kind of thing, we could..."
Lister leaned back, frowning. This was definitely an elaborate game on Rimmer's part. "Come off it, Rimmer," he growled, "we don't have time for this."
"You're right," Rimmer mused, "time is short." He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Lister's.
Lister was shocked, startled, gobsmacked - a Roget of surprise. His mouth fell open, and Rimmer's tongue went inside, and it was a startlingly warm and soft and dry tongue, surprisingly pleasing, and Rimmer's hand fell to his crotch, pressing against it, then moving to unfasten his overalls...
"Oi!" Lister yelped, jumping up and away from a surprised-looking Rimmer. "Getoff!" He turned and ran from the room, not caring that his lager was sitting half-drunk on the table, needing to get away from that strange creature with Rimmer's form who smiled and laughed and kissed him..
Kryten stood in the middle of the room Lister and Cat shared, stringing bright ropes of what looked like electrical wire insulation from one wall to another. He turned as Lister ran in. "Happy Lent, Mister Lister sir!"
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no subject
Date: 2011-04-20 03:52 pm (UTC)Psst. Typo. Kid --> Kind.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-20 04:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-20 04:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-20 04:31 pm (UTC)It seems like such a long since I read any of your fic. I hope this means that there might be more on the way ...?
no subject
Date: 2011-04-20 07:59 pm (UTC)"please sir can I have more!"
no subject
Date: 2011-04-21 01:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-21 08:37 am (UTC)I forgot how lovely it's when they are kissing!
And there's no good fic without the word "gobsmacked" :-)
no subject
Date: 2011-04-23 09:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-22 11:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-15 03:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-25 06:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-09 10:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-11 03:26 am (UTC)