Red Dwarf Fic: R'matke (PG) - Series X story!!

[kronette.livejournal.com]

SPOILER FOR SERIES X "Entangled"!

Note: After the Spoon of Destiny didn't work, this is what should have happened…

"R'matke"
By kronette

Rimmer glared at the chief of the BEGG tribe. "You can't have me," he declared confidently.

The chief made a guttural sound that could have been a laugh, as the other BEGGs joined in. Then he said in English, "We win you fair - you sexy light man with lady legs so long and luscious."

Rimmer flushed with a mix of annoyance and disgust. He could sense Lister shifting where the gimboid sat at his feet, and dearly wanted to kick him for getting him into this predicament. "That may be, but Lister had no right to bet me. He doesn't own me."

Chief Ugly made angry gestures toward Lister. "He lie to us?"

Lister reached back and pinched his leg in warning. "He misunderstood your terms," Rimmer backpedaled carefully. "Ownership means something different to us. We," he gestured between Lister and himself, "Do not own each other. We're," he flailed for a few precious seconds, looking for a better word. "Roommates," he spat out with relief.

The BEGGs conferred in their language for a minute while Rimmer sweated, and not only because the jacket was stifling hot in the tent. He didn't want to know what they had in store for him. He'd never been accused of having long and luscious legs before, and quite frankly, never wanted to hear it again.

The BEGGs must have come to some sort of understanding, as the chief grumbled and bellowed, then began punching at the odd contraption in front of him. Lister's sudden shout drew everyone's attention; the groinal attachment had disengaged and fallen to the tent floor. Lister's sigh of relief was palpable.

Rimmer's focus shifted to the chief, wondering what it meant.

The chief's mournful sound wasn't pleasant, but neither was the visual inspection he was making of Rimmer's body. It made Rimmer desperately want to cover himself with about ten feet of titanium. "Lady legs, we miss you."

With something that could be called a sigh, the chief looked to Lister. "Take r'matke and go. We keep ship of green."

Rimmer didn't hesitate; he only heard the word, 'Go.' Grabbing hold of Lister's shoulder, he hauled the man up by his jacket and shoved him toward the tent flap, following him out into the falling snow.  "You utter smegging bastard," he yelled into the wind.

"I said I was sorry," Lister shouted back at him. "I was drinking…"

"Why am I not surprised?" Rimmer spat. "You've been drinking yourself to sleep for weeks now and I'm sick of it! Pull yourself together, Lister. As the last human being alive, you're making a piss-poor example."

Lister flapped his arms and bellowed, "Example for who? There's no one else, Rimmer."

Rimmer got right in his face and screamed, "There's me, you twat! Do you think I want to watch you drink yourself to death? You know what happens to me when you die? I get turned off!" 

Lister visibly deflated, his mouth falling open in shock. "You what?"

Rimmer was breathing hard, upset and heartsick that he'd broken down and told Lister his most precious secret. After decades of silence, a stupid, drunken poker game had ripped his soul bare. "You die, I die, Listy. Simple as that. I'm here because of you. Without you, I'm literally nothing."

He didn't realize he was crying until Lister cupped his cheek and then stared at his wet palm. Rimmer started shaking as Lister's hands cupped his face, pulling him down far enough for their lips to meet.

"Best make it worthwhile then, eh?" Lister murmured against his mouth.

Words were overrated. Rimmer wrapped his arms around Lister, pulled him in tight, and let his mouth talk in other ways.

He didn't know how long they stood in the snow kissing, but by the time Kryten was prying them apart, snow had turned Lister's hair nearly white and he was shivering. Rimmer immediately removed his jacket and threw it over Lister's shoulders, drawing him back into a hug.

Kryten was doing an odd dance, clearly trying not to look at either of their faces. "Sirs, we need to leave. The BEGGs have been incredibly generous, but we don't want to overstay our welcome."

"Yeah," Lister agreed, his voice muffled by his face pressed against Rimmer's chest. He turned in Rimmer's arms and they started walking back to Blue Midget.

Before they reached the ladder, Lister asked, "By the way, Kryten, what was it that changed their minds? Are roommates really that important to them?"

Rimmer watched in amusement as Kryten's head did a jerky set of motions, as though he were caught in a loop. "No, sirs, they misunderstood Mr. Rimmer. 'Roommate,' or 'rmatke,' in their language, means, 'husband.'" Kryten climbed the ladder into Blue Midget, leaving Rimmer and Lister staring at each other.

The End

Comments

[veronica-rich.livejournal.com]

Perfect! You made Rimmer know the "turnoff at death" thing, which I didn't think he did (though it's possible Holly told him that way back when he activated his hologram). And Kryten was nicely done here too, giving the exposition but being in-character as well.

Lovely sentiment for them!

[kronette.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I can't believe that in all the years they've been stuck together, it's never come up? I know, new series means new rules, but I couldn't stand for Rimmer not to know that about himself. Holly was already peculiar when he activated Rimmer, so I doubt he would have had the presence of mind to tell Rimmer he had an expiration date. It does make Rimmer slightly more human, though, doesn't it? He now knows his death date - at age 171, same as Lister.

[veronica-rich.livejournal.com]

You suppose that's why old Lister laughed at him when he asked what was to become of him? ;-)

I didn't even think of the projection unit on the ship anymore - I figured that new Legion-powered light bee had a super energy and data cell that meant it was self-contained. Fool me!

[kronette.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I think I goofed. Technically, Lister and Rimmer were told about Rimmer's death-date back on RD, before they visited the BEGGs. Oh well. Artistic license.

You suppose that's why old Lister laughed at him when he asked what was to become of him? ;-)

Haha! Our lads didn't get to see Rimmer, because he was probably yelling at Lister to quit leaving the beer bottle caps in bed :D

I didn't even think of the projection unit on the ship anymore - I figured that new Legion-powered light bee had a super energy and data cell that meant it was self-contained. Fool me!

Yeah, I don't think the projection explanation works at all in this context. Legion's light bee is self-contained, or else Rimmer wouldn't have survived on Starbug and Ace couldn't have survived unless Wildfire had its own projection unit. Oh, wait. Ace had a remote control for his light bee. Kryten had a remote control that was also a communication device. Was Kryten carrying around Rimmer's projection unit? I thought the projection unit was the huge room that Lister and Cat were in "Thanks for the Memory" when Lister was adding Lise Yates to Rimmer's memories. No, it just does not make sense. Every time I try to think of a logical answer, I can't. Everything has a problem. AKA, Doug did some hand waving just so Chris could do that little shimmy and the CGI boys could color his uniform that red color.

And on that lovely image, I shall go to bed and dream of shimmy, shiny Rimmer :D *wiggle shimmy*

[nlea.livejournal.com]

I'm glad I'm not the only one that was confused by that. I kept wondering how he could walk completely through a solid object. Even as soft light, he still has a physical presence in his lightbee. I could see him doing that on the Dwarf, projection units and such, but on another vessel? It hurts my brain to think about it. As wonderful as this episode was, there are many parts that I'm just gonna have to decide happened differently. So, this story? Totally cannon in my mind.

~

[kronette.livejournal.com]

There is handwaving going on. Nothing to see here. It's all perfectly fine :)

[janamelie.livejournal.com]

Driveby comment - my computer's playing up, so I don't know if I'll have time to answer every comment in the "Entangled" post. Infuriating.

This fic is lovely and may well become canon in my eyes. :D

[kronette.livejournal.com]

Hope you got your computer problems sorted.

Thanks, and I do so love trying to write so it fits into canon. It's my happy place.

[sunny-bexster.livejournal.com]

This hurts me in my tender womanly parts I store behind the fridge. Rimmer is this wonderful mix of loving and bitter.

Personally, I kinda want to see more fics that deal with Lister going off the rails and making attempts to sort himself out. With porn. Naturally.

[kronette.livejournal.com]

They are a pair, aren't they? I do love my boys and want them to be happy -- after a suitable bout of depression, anxiety, confusion. :D

[bayliss.livejournal.com]

aww. now I want to give them all hugs. Lovely story.

[kronette.livejournal.com]

Hug away! It's cold outside, there's some sort of atmosphere...

[kathie-d.livejournal.com]

Oh man. I've been loving the new series, so I thought I'd stop by here to see if it had re-kindled things. So glad it has! Lovely little story. :-)

[kronette.livejournal.com]

Well, I've been writing fairly steadily since July last year, so nothing to actually rekindle :) I am surprised by the views I'm getting on AO3, though. Glad the Dwarf love has picked up with the new series!

[kathie-d.livejournal.com]

I haven't been on here in more than a couple of years, heh! Well, got any links to other stuff then? ;-)

[kronette.livejournal.com]

Go forth and read! (http://archiveofourown.org/tags/Red%20Dwarf/works) 341 stories as of today. I only have 12 on AO3, but kahvi and ver and janamiele and bayliss and far too many more have their stories on there.

All of my stories are here (http://kronette.livejournal.com/tag/story).

This one (http://m.fanfiction.net/s/3526166/1/) was an excellent read from kellyofsmeg.

Welcome back!

[kathie-d.livejournal.com]

Squeeee! Thank you! :D That was a good rec too!

[missflibble.livejournal.com]

Husband! Yay! ;-) Hehe.

Lovely lovely ficlet. I'm loving the RDX slash!!!!

[kronette.livejournal.com]

Doug's just giving it to us, now. He sealed it by having Lister bet Rimmer, as he had nothing else they wanted. So, Lister just told them about his hologram, eh?

Doug could have gotten so much mileage and better payoff with the ownership vibe that's been going on this series, if he'd had Lister or Rimmer declare they were lovers/husbands to the BEGGs and that's why Lister wasn't allowed to bet him. If Doug really wanted to be controversial, he'd have gone that route, though probably pissed off every fanboy in the process.

I can't believe there are only two new episodes left :(