Saturday Night (C/L)
Mar. 2nd, 2006 08:08 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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reddwarfslashA/N: Dang, you read a C/L and look what it brings! More C/L!
Title: Saturday Night
Summary: Everyone on the Dwarf likes to party on a Saturday night. And sympathise, and help friends, and kiss. CxL slash, set around Series 4.
Author: Ellie ET
Disclaimer: I was on the verge of owning Red Dwarf – but then I told Rob and Doug what I planned to do with the show and they tore the contract up.
Warnings: Slight spoilers for ‘Parallel Universe.’ Slash.
Saturday Night
There was and always had been only one destination for all the mechanical beings of Red Dwarf on the weekend. Whilst all the crew went off to the Parrot’s Bar, or the Funky Club, or the Twister Corner, every Skutter, every personified kitchen appliance, including one well-known annoying toaster, visited the Rocky Robotics Ranch, a club on F-Deck. It had been advisable to many crew-members in the past to stay well clear of it, should there ever be any machines coming out drunk on diet oil, or heavens forbid, warbling Robbie William’s greatest hits. Even after the accident, the robots still assembled, the toaster still partied, Holly still organised karaoke sessions. To the mechanical life-forms, it was heaven. It was bliss. It was a break from the constant work-schedule that they were given, and then later, a break from Rimmer.
And it was from this club one particular Saturday night when two particular life-forms were ejected, none too politely, from the back door and landed with a thump in the corridor. Not a minute later, two Skutters were pushed out behind them, coming to a halt as they were banged against the opposite wall. It was Lister who staggered up first, glaring at the four Skutters who had ejected them, one of them making several angry noises.
“Yeah, same to you!” Lister snapped at it. “And you can tell that stupid toaster that Jocky John’ll be turning in his grave!”
The Skutter spat oil at him and then the door slid shut. Cat stood up, dusting himself off.
“Well, that was fun.”
Lister shook his head, kneeling down to check their two Skutter companions. “I knew that there was trouble brewing as soon as I saw those guys had fixed that stupid toaster. Bread-warmers singing 22nd Century hits?” He shook his head up at Cat. “Shouldn’t be done.”
Cat raised his eyebrows, nodding, before his eyes strayed to the Skutters. “They OK?”
Lister let out a breath of air, patting one of the robots. “Just about. Her brother’s being ejected from the front door. Why couldn’t James stay missing? Stupid robot, making Sally all miserable about her date.” He smiled at the Skutter and her companion, who started clicking. He listened for a few moments before shaking his head.
“No, Bob, it’s not you. James is… protective about his sister, right, Sally?” He smiled at the female Skutter and she nodded her claw in agreement.
Cat shook his head as Lister straightened up. “Skutter relationships. Freaky, huh?” he glanced at the human, who nodded in turn.
“Just about. C’mon.” He took Cat’s hand and gestured to Sally and Bob. “We’d better get out of here before James comes back to look for another argument.”
*
Once back in the quarters, Lister rifled around in the fridge before bringing out four beverages: a can of lager, a can of milk, and two diet oils. Handing the milk to Cat, he gave the two oils to Bob and Sally and then sat down opposite on the bottom bunk with Cat, watching them both sympathetically. The female Skutter sat draining her drink through a straw connected to the side of her head from the can for a moment. Lister and Cat exchanged a look.
Finally, Sally clicked her claws in conversation. Lister nodded, smiling reassuringly as she whirred out her feelings.
“Well, listen. He is your big brother, and you were made by the same engineer – and yeah, I know he’s still bitter about the ketchup incident, but – “
“But the guy still sucks as a sibling,” Cat interjected. Lister jabbed a thumb at Cat, shrugging, chuckling as Sally gave her response.
“Yeah, you’re right, he has kinda got it in one. But listen,” he added hastily. “It doesn’t matter that Bob had a fling with his female counterpart and had several kids, that meant nothing to him – right, Bob?”
He fixed the other Skutter with a look. The Skutter appeared to pause, shrinking back slightly. Lister raised his eyebrows imploringly. Bob nodded hastily.
“See?” Lister turned back to Sally. “So whatever James says, don’t pay any attention. He’s just trying to turn you against Bob.” The Skutter nodded mutely, before green, oily tears started to flow from her one eye.
“Hey, hey, hey, don’t cry,” Lister said. Cat quickly drew a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to Lister, who set about wiping her eye. After a few moments, he handed the now-stained hanky back to Cat somewhat guiltily. Cat shrugged, and tossed it over his shoulder, before once again joining Lister in trying to make Sally feel better.
“Hey, lighten up!” the feline told the distressed Skutter. “Why should that guy have any say in your relationship?”
Lister nodded, snapping his fingers approvingly. “Well said, man.” Patting Sally again, he gave her a coaxing smile. “See? Now go on. It’s not Saturday night without some good old fashioned lovin’.”
Sally gave her thanks, and Bob his, and pausing only to finish their drinks, both whirred out quickly. Lister went to slide the door shut, before turning to Cat, lying across the bottom bunk, one hand elegantly supporting his head. Lister came and sat back down with him, fishing for his lager.
“Sorry about that,” he told the felis sapien. “But I can’t stand seeing her so upset. James’s been making her life a misery ever since she got together with Bob.” Cat nodded understandingly.
“Anyway, you OK?” Lister added. “None of those Skutters hurt you when they were chuckin’ us out, did they?”
“They did, actually – I’ve got a massive bruise,” Cat sat up, both his hands supporting him as he leaned back. Lister frowned and surveyed him.
“I don’t see anything…”
“It’s in a place I don’t normally display 24/7,” Cat said dryly. Lister gulped, and nodded, as Cat gracefully brought his feet up around him and rolled off the bed.
“Hey, the evening was good, before that stupid toaster came onstage – “
Lister nodded darkly, “Yeah, and after having a huge heart attack when I saw him – “
“The slow dancing started – “
“And that’s where James came in.” Lister threw his lager in the bin, before throwing himself back on Rimmer’s bunk, groaning. He heard Cat clatter back over and the feline sat in the bunk with him, leaning on his chest.
“Well, the evening wasn’t all bad,” he said. “I mean, sure, we didn’t get as drunk as we’d like…”
“Sometimes I don’t think there’s any point in getting drunk, you and me,” Lister confessed. “We enjoy it when we’re sober, don’t we?”
Cat nodded and grinned, sliding closer, his hands moving over Lister’s chest. Lister smiled again and caught one straying hand in his own. Cat frowned slightly.
“What?”
“Don’t look at me like that, I’m not being a prude,” Lister assured him. “I’m just tired from the evening, that’s all. Between a couple of Skutters and a toaster singing 2260s hits, well, I’ve been better.”
“Well, thanks for letting me tag along, babe.”
Lister sat up, Cat’s fingers still clasped within his own. “I’d always let you tag along…”
“Yeah, you would, wouldn’t you?” Cat purred. He moved his head a little closer. “Every – single – time.”
Lister rolled his eyes, faintly amused as Cat’s hand slid over his shoulder and rested on his neck. “I love goin’ around with you, bud.”
Lister nodded at him. “So I see.”
Cat grinned, closing his eyes as he moved his head even closer. Lister’s eyelids began to droop, but before Cat’s mouth could clasp onto his, there was a knock at the door. Cat growled in frustration and buried his head in Lister’s shoulder, moaning.
“Come in!” Lister called across the room and over the feline’s muffled complaints. He patted his back. “Look, don’t worry, I’ll get rid of ‘em as soon as possible, promise.” He grinned as the door slid open and Bob poked his head through, extinguishing the human’s fear that it might have been Rimmer.
“What’s up, Bob?” he asked, as Cat, deciding to make the most of his current position, curled up and snuggled into the human’s chest. An arm encircling him, Lister listened as Bob relayed his problem: James was harassing them further down the corridor, and what should they do? Lister gave a slightly evil smirk.
“Tell him what we told you. And to get smegging lost.” Bob gave a series of faintly amused clicks, and Lister gave him a thumbs-up with his free hand as Cat watched comfortably from the human’s chest. “Go for it, mate!”
Bob gave his thanks and disappeared, taking the common courtesy of closing the door after him. Lister turned back to Cat and kissed his forehead, the feline squeezing him tightly.
“OK, so it wasn’t the best of evenings,” Lister admitted, sliding back to lie down with the Cat snuggled up next to him.
“Next time, maybe we should pick my choice and go to the Pussy-Cat’s Wheel,” Cat advised, bending up to kiss Lister firmly on the lips before they were interrupted by anything else. He moaned with longing, the familiar tongue outlining his less sharper teeth whilst Lister giggled slightly by the tickly roughness of Cat’s own. Squeezing him close for five glorious moments as they kissed deeply, Lister’s hand trailed across Cat’s cheek. Both suddenly froze when they suddenly heard the sounds of whirring outside the cabin-door. However, the noise did not stop and pricking his ears, Lister could have sworn he heard unstoppable, high-pitched clicking – a Skutter’s way of screaming, and grinned slightly, knowing that Bob and Sally must be getting revenge.
“Ah, Saturday night on the Dwarf,” he murmured, before Cat gently pulled his head back, giving him a pleading look. Satisfied that his work for the night was done, Lister pressed his mouth over Cat’s again, not even noticing the bangs against the door when Skutter James, dripping in mayonnaise, came looking for someone to complain to and found Lister’s door locked. The Skutter gave up after ten minutes, and went on down the corridor, muttering to itself in machine language, “Damn… must’ve been the idiotic hologram responsible for this attack. Looks like my own Saturday night antics are about to start!”
Fin.
Title: Saturday Night
Summary: Everyone on the Dwarf likes to party on a Saturday night. And sympathise, and help friends, and kiss. CxL slash, set around Series 4.
Author: Ellie ET
Disclaimer: I was on the verge of owning Red Dwarf – but then I told Rob and Doug what I planned to do with the show and they tore the contract up.
Warnings: Slight spoilers for ‘Parallel Universe.’ Slash.
Saturday Night
There was and always had been only one destination for all the mechanical beings of Red Dwarf on the weekend. Whilst all the crew went off to the Parrot’s Bar, or the Funky Club, or the Twister Corner, every Skutter, every personified kitchen appliance, including one well-known annoying toaster, visited the Rocky Robotics Ranch, a club on F-Deck. It had been advisable to many crew-members in the past to stay well clear of it, should there ever be any machines coming out drunk on diet oil, or heavens forbid, warbling Robbie William’s greatest hits. Even after the accident, the robots still assembled, the toaster still partied, Holly still organised karaoke sessions. To the mechanical life-forms, it was heaven. It was bliss. It was a break from the constant work-schedule that they were given, and then later, a break from Rimmer.
And it was from this club one particular Saturday night when two particular life-forms were ejected, none too politely, from the back door and landed with a thump in the corridor. Not a minute later, two Skutters were pushed out behind them, coming to a halt as they were banged against the opposite wall. It was Lister who staggered up first, glaring at the four Skutters who had ejected them, one of them making several angry noises.
“Yeah, same to you!” Lister snapped at it. “And you can tell that stupid toaster that Jocky John’ll be turning in his grave!”
The Skutter spat oil at him and then the door slid shut. Cat stood up, dusting himself off.
“Well, that was fun.”
Lister shook his head, kneeling down to check their two Skutter companions. “I knew that there was trouble brewing as soon as I saw those guys had fixed that stupid toaster. Bread-warmers singing 22nd Century hits?” He shook his head up at Cat. “Shouldn’t be done.”
Cat raised his eyebrows, nodding, before his eyes strayed to the Skutters. “They OK?”
Lister let out a breath of air, patting one of the robots. “Just about. Her brother’s being ejected from the front door. Why couldn’t James stay missing? Stupid robot, making Sally all miserable about her date.” He smiled at the Skutter and her companion, who started clicking. He listened for a few moments before shaking his head.
“No, Bob, it’s not you. James is… protective about his sister, right, Sally?” He smiled at the female Skutter and she nodded her claw in agreement.
Cat shook his head as Lister straightened up. “Skutter relationships. Freaky, huh?” he glanced at the human, who nodded in turn.
“Just about. C’mon.” He took Cat’s hand and gestured to Sally and Bob. “We’d better get out of here before James comes back to look for another argument.”
*
Once back in the quarters, Lister rifled around in the fridge before bringing out four beverages: a can of lager, a can of milk, and two diet oils. Handing the milk to Cat, he gave the two oils to Bob and Sally and then sat down opposite on the bottom bunk with Cat, watching them both sympathetically. The female Skutter sat draining her drink through a straw connected to the side of her head from the can for a moment. Lister and Cat exchanged a look.
Finally, Sally clicked her claws in conversation. Lister nodded, smiling reassuringly as she whirred out her feelings.
“Well, listen. He is your big brother, and you were made by the same engineer – and yeah, I know he’s still bitter about the ketchup incident, but – “
“But the guy still sucks as a sibling,” Cat interjected. Lister jabbed a thumb at Cat, shrugging, chuckling as Sally gave her response.
“Yeah, you’re right, he has kinda got it in one. But listen,” he added hastily. “It doesn’t matter that Bob had a fling with his female counterpart and had several kids, that meant nothing to him – right, Bob?”
He fixed the other Skutter with a look. The Skutter appeared to pause, shrinking back slightly. Lister raised his eyebrows imploringly. Bob nodded hastily.
“See?” Lister turned back to Sally. “So whatever James says, don’t pay any attention. He’s just trying to turn you against Bob.” The Skutter nodded mutely, before green, oily tears started to flow from her one eye.
“Hey, hey, hey, don’t cry,” Lister said. Cat quickly drew a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to Lister, who set about wiping her eye. After a few moments, he handed the now-stained hanky back to Cat somewhat guiltily. Cat shrugged, and tossed it over his shoulder, before once again joining Lister in trying to make Sally feel better.
“Hey, lighten up!” the feline told the distressed Skutter. “Why should that guy have any say in your relationship?”
Lister nodded, snapping his fingers approvingly. “Well said, man.” Patting Sally again, he gave her a coaxing smile. “See? Now go on. It’s not Saturday night without some good old fashioned lovin’.”
Sally gave her thanks, and Bob his, and pausing only to finish their drinks, both whirred out quickly. Lister went to slide the door shut, before turning to Cat, lying across the bottom bunk, one hand elegantly supporting his head. Lister came and sat back down with him, fishing for his lager.
“Sorry about that,” he told the felis sapien. “But I can’t stand seeing her so upset. James’s been making her life a misery ever since she got together with Bob.” Cat nodded understandingly.
“Anyway, you OK?” Lister added. “None of those Skutters hurt you when they were chuckin’ us out, did they?”
“They did, actually – I’ve got a massive bruise,” Cat sat up, both his hands supporting him as he leaned back. Lister frowned and surveyed him.
“I don’t see anything…”
“It’s in a place I don’t normally display 24/7,” Cat said dryly. Lister gulped, and nodded, as Cat gracefully brought his feet up around him and rolled off the bed.
“Hey, the evening was good, before that stupid toaster came onstage – “
Lister nodded darkly, “Yeah, and after having a huge heart attack when I saw him – “
“The slow dancing started – “
“And that’s where James came in.” Lister threw his lager in the bin, before throwing himself back on Rimmer’s bunk, groaning. He heard Cat clatter back over and the feline sat in the bunk with him, leaning on his chest.
“Well, the evening wasn’t all bad,” he said. “I mean, sure, we didn’t get as drunk as we’d like…”
“Sometimes I don’t think there’s any point in getting drunk, you and me,” Lister confessed. “We enjoy it when we’re sober, don’t we?”
Cat nodded and grinned, sliding closer, his hands moving over Lister’s chest. Lister smiled again and caught one straying hand in his own. Cat frowned slightly.
“What?”
“Don’t look at me like that, I’m not being a prude,” Lister assured him. “I’m just tired from the evening, that’s all. Between a couple of Skutters and a toaster singing 2260s hits, well, I’ve been better.”
“Well, thanks for letting me tag along, babe.”
Lister sat up, Cat’s fingers still clasped within his own. “I’d always let you tag along…”
“Yeah, you would, wouldn’t you?” Cat purred. He moved his head a little closer. “Every – single – time.”
Lister rolled his eyes, faintly amused as Cat’s hand slid over his shoulder and rested on his neck. “I love goin’ around with you, bud.”
Lister nodded at him. “So I see.”
Cat grinned, closing his eyes as he moved his head even closer. Lister’s eyelids began to droop, but before Cat’s mouth could clasp onto his, there was a knock at the door. Cat growled in frustration and buried his head in Lister’s shoulder, moaning.
“Come in!” Lister called across the room and over the feline’s muffled complaints. He patted his back. “Look, don’t worry, I’ll get rid of ‘em as soon as possible, promise.” He grinned as the door slid open and Bob poked his head through, extinguishing the human’s fear that it might have been Rimmer.
“What’s up, Bob?” he asked, as Cat, deciding to make the most of his current position, curled up and snuggled into the human’s chest. An arm encircling him, Lister listened as Bob relayed his problem: James was harassing them further down the corridor, and what should they do? Lister gave a slightly evil smirk.
“Tell him what we told you. And to get smegging lost.” Bob gave a series of faintly amused clicks, and Lister gave him a thumbs-up with his free hand as Cat watched comfortably from the human’s chest. “Go for it, mate!”
Bob gave his thanks and disappeared, taking the common courtesy of closing the door after him. Lister turned back to Cat and kissed his forehead, the feline squeezing him tightly.
“OK, so it wasn’t the best of evenings,” Lister admitted, sliding back to lie down with the Cat snuggled up next to him.
“Next time, maybe we should pick my choice and go to the Pussy-Cat’s Wheel,” Cat advised, bending up to kiss Lister firmly on the lips before they were interrupted by anything else. He moaned with longing, the familiar tongue outlining his less sharper teeth whilst Lister giggled slightly by the tickly roughness of Cat’s own. Squeezing him close for five glorious moments as they kissed deeply, Lister’s hand trailed across Cat’s cheek. Both suddenly froze when they suddenly heard the sounds of whirring outside the cabin-door. However, the noise did not stop and pricking his ears, Lister could have sworn he heard unstoppable, high-pitched clicking – a Skutter’s way of screaming, and grinned slightly, knowing that Bob and Sally must be getting revenge.
“Ah, Saturday night on the Dwarf,” he murmured, before Cat gently pulled his head back, giving him a pleading look. Satisfied that his work for the night was done, Lister pressed his mouth over Cat’s again, not even noticing the bangs against the door when Skutter James, dripping in mayonnaise, came looking for someone to complain to and found Lister’s door locked. The Skutter gave up after ten minutes, and went on down the corridor, muttering to itself in machine language, “Damn… must’ve been the idiotic hologram responsible for this attack. Looks like my own Saturday night antics are about to start!”
Fin.
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(frozen) no subject
Date: 2006-03-02 10:32 pm (UTC)The scutter relationships did confuse me a little, but they also made me smile. That's my one nitpick.
I really liked Lister here; that's my guy! I also love how you write the scutters.
and then later, a break from Rimmer.
Aww... He just needs to get laid. I suppose that's where I come in. Um, no, not like that! Or... Er... *brain explodes*
Lister going off on the toaster; classic.
(frozen) no subject
Date: 2006-03-03 09:51 am (UTC)