reddwarfslash | Fic: Enemies - R/L

Title: Enemies
Pairing: Rimmer/Lister
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own it, I just write it, which makes me no money.
Spoilers: Everything! Erm, that is to say, it does spoil the end of series VIII, of sorts.
Notes: A response to

roadstergal's Truths. I'm not at all well today, so I appologize if any errors have crept through my proof-reading. Concrit = Shiny. Written as part of the

fanfic100 challenge - my table is here.

“Smeghead.

Yeah, you heard. Yer such a bloody idiot, aren’t ya, Rimmer? And, to be fair, so am I. That’s our trouble, you and me; we get so caught up in trying to see what we expect to be there that we don’t ever stop to think it might not be. What we’re looking for, like; that it’s not there, but that we’re looking for... Man, I can’t even get it right in my own head. Maybe you know what I mean, maybe you don’t. You’ll probably never get this message anyway. Yer off in some far off dimension fighting things and having sex with other things, or maybe both at the same time. Sounds like fun, but I bet you miss me, eh? I know I miss you.

Yeah, I’m a little drunk. Ya can’t expect a man not to be drunk when he’s just figured out he’s made the biggest mistake of his life. I let you go, man! I just stood by and watched you leave. Didn’t bat an eyelid. Didn’t say a word. Like, I didn’t, for example, grab you by that bacofoil arm and pull you back when you were leaving; pull you back into that embrace and kiss ya. I wanted to, guy, but I thought… Aw, smeg, I’ve gone and spilled lager all over the navicomp. Hang on…

Right. So yeah, I’ve been doing some thinking. I’ve been in prison, see, and you get to do a lot of thinking in prison. See, we got Red Dwarf back, and everyone had been resurrected like, but it all turned sour, and we got put in the brig. And… And you were there, ya know, ‘cause you’d been resurrected. Like, not the you you, the one that’s listening, if yer listening, but the you that you used to be. You wouldn’t have liked him. That’s what made me think, ya know, made me realize what an idiot I’d been. Sorry… I need to find some tissues…

Anyway, we escaped from there, and he didn’t, and you know what? I was glad. ‘Cause having him here, using yer old clothes, sleeping in yer bed… I don’t think I could’ve handled that. It was bad enough being cellmates. It was like being back before the accident; all the sniping and fighting, and always trying to get one another. It was like you and me right before we met our future selves, remember that? Man, we was angry then, weren’t we? It was like we were each other’s worst enemy; all that seething, repressed rage. But I think now… I think I was angry because I didn’t know what to do. I was all flustered and frustrated, and confused. I wasn’t confused when I talked to you that day you decided to go be Ace though. That’s the smegging irony of it, innit? The one time I try to show you how I feel, you get it wrong! I just… I just looked into your eyes, and… I thought you wanted me to tell you to go. To push you away, like. That ya needed me to believe in you, so ye’d have the guts to go off be a hero. I just wanted ya to be happy, man.

Are ya happy? I can’t ask ye to come back if you are. Hell, I’ve no right to ask ya to do anything. But I know what I wish. I wish you were here. I wish I could just reach across to ya and touch your face; pull ya close, do all the things I never did because I couldn’t get over myself. I couldn’t sleep tonight. I can’t get yer smile out of my mind. I keep wondering what you’d taste like; what yer skin would feel like close to mine. That’s why I’m recording this, because I have to tell ya. I have to tell someone, or I’ll go mad! I… I miss ya. Was I yelling just then? I’m sorry. I’ll round this off. Just give me a minute. Just need to get my head together.

OK. What more can I say? I’ve said enough already. I’ll end it here. If you ever get this, I wanted you to know; you were never my enemy. I was. I couldn’t get over myself, refused to see what was there. And I’m sorry for a lot of things, but I think ya know that. Still, there it is. I’m signing off now. See ya later… Arn.

Oh, and hang on… I love you. For what that’s worth. Signing off.”

The message ended, and Arnold Rimmer leaned back in his seat, staring blankly ahead. “Would you like me to replay it again, Ace?” The computer purred.

“What? Oh…” The computer, who was programmed to notice these things, had registered a change in his apparent body-temperature, heartbeat, galvanic skin response and voice stress level since he first heard the recording. The changes were all positive though, and so she ignored them. “Yes. Do.”

After all, they still had some time while the co-ordinates were being calculated. And he really didn’t want to get them wrong this time.