Fic: Need - R/f, R/L (imp) - PG-13

[kahvi.livejournal.com]

Title: Need
Pairing: Rimmer/female, Rimmer/Lister (implied)
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I still still don't own Red Dwarf even, and I yet still don't make money writing this still.
Spoilers: Stoke Me A Clipper
Notes: This story was originally written for roadstergal, and resides with her in paper form. I have reconstructed it as best I could from memory, changed it a little, and present it to you here.




The girl was young and leggy and beautiful, of the pastel-haired, vacant-eyed and saccharine-voiced variety, and they had just had sex about as many times as they practically could. That awkward, post-coital silence had been given time to settle in, and all Rimmer wanted now was to get her safely back to her mother before attempts at conversation happened.

“Ace? What's that?”

Swallowing a sigh of annoyance, Rimmer resisted the urge to scratch at his Ace-wig. “What's what, old squirrel?”

“This! I found it lying underneath your bunk.” Because he hadn't turned to look at her, Rimmer couldn't see whatever it was she was indicating. He tried to summon enough interest to care.

“Really, my little turkish delight?”

“But you don't need that sort of thing, do you?” Giving in and throwing a glance over his shoulder, Rimmer stiffened as he saw the small, blue bottle the girl was holding in her hand. Hitting the auto-pilot button with the heel of his hand, he turned towards her, and reached out to grab it.

“Of course not, sugar-drawers. Just give it to me.” She was right, of course; he didn't need it. As a hologram, his body was not subject to the limitations and ailments of a biological body. It was a stupid, pointless thing for him to be having around, and he shouldn't care, but somehow the idea of this woman sitting there fondling it so casually just seemed wrong.

Undeterred, the girl rambled on, making no moves to surrender the bottle. “I mean, you're such a perfectly wonderful lover,” she cooed, “and so I found it quite funny, really.”

“Quite,” Rimmer mumbled, a little tersely, “so give it here, dumpling.”

“I mean, I'm sure you could have lasted for even longer, because you didn't even...”

“Just give it here, you gibbering twat,” Rimmer barked. Wide-eyed, the girl complied, crossing her arms and spending the rest of the ride in a sullen silence. Switching off the auto pilot, Rimmer took her safely back home, which thankfully wasn't very far away at this point. Following the rules of his persona, he accepted her mother's gushing words of praise and thanks, all the while cringing inside. Everything over and done with, he stepped into his ship, settling into orbit around the small, lushly terraformed world.

Feeling numb, he picked up the bottle, now stuck into the narrow space between his seat and the hull, and ran his thumb across the fading letters on the label. No, he didn't need it at all. Silly, superfluous thing to be carrying around. He ought to have flung it into space years ago. He didn't need it. He was Ace; he didn't need anything, smeg it all! Clutching the bottle of Listerine, Rimmer stared out at no star in particular, waiting for the computer to give him his next assignment.

Comments

[musicisavictim.livejournal.com]

You really threw me off the trail there for a minute. Whoo. Good though, I like how Ace broke character.

[kahvi.livejournal.com]

*twirls mustache* Glad to hear my deception worked! Glad you enjoyed it; thanks for reading and feeding back.

[roadstergal.livejournal.com]

I love your Ace-voice. Old squirrel, little Turkish delight, sugar drawers - and then Rimmer coming through with 'gibbering twat!'

And the image of Ace wanting his Listerine... which goes so nicely with SMAC. It reminds me of Holmes on the subject of Watson - "I am lost without my Boswell."

[kahvi.livejournal.com]

It's all from reading your fic, you know! You write the best Rimmer!Ace ever. 'tis inspiring. :)

Glad you enjoyed!

[topsecretpr0nlj.livejournal.com]

I don't know if I've ever seen anybody write Rimmer better than you. I'm a big admirer of your work. But I gotta say, I was a little lost here. The dialog is a setup for the twist of an ending, but I think it might be so far-fetched it becomes unclear, if I'm understanding it correctly. I don't think she knows he's a hologram. That would shatter the Ace illusion. But if that's the case, shouldn't her thinking he shouldn't have mouthwash be weird and random? Then talking about his stamina, as if that's relevant. I get that the girl's stupid, but if I'm following, she'd have to be dum. Like, without the "b" at the end. Rimmer not listening to her, however, does make sense.

It seems silly that I should write such a long comment about the plot of a fic in which a character lovingly saves a bottle of Listerine, but because I'm a fan of yours I thought I'd let you know I found it unclear.

[kahvi.livejournal.com]

Wow, thank you! *blush* Though I must say, my Rimmer pales in comparison to roadstergal's. The only reason I understand the character at all is through her work (and working with her). Have you read her stuff? I've a feeling you'll like it. :)

Oooh, concrit! Tasty! *eats it* Sometimes I'm a little too subtle for my own good. I mean, I know what the plot is, and from time to time I forget that the readers need to be clued in too. Lemme break the plot of this one down:

The idea is that the reader is meant to think the bottle is some sort of viagra-esque substance. Therefore, the girl's comments needed to fit both that and a bottle of mouthwash, which is where I'm guessing I wasn't clear enough. I didn't want the conversation to drag on too long though. Basically, she's saying he's such a perfect lover, which would include good oral hygiene. And she's thinking it's absurd that he would a: need mouthwash at all (because, y'know, he's Ace; he gives the impression he was born smelling of roses) and b: hide it under his bunk like that. The comment about his stamina was, as you say, unrelated to that issue, and was basically her just rambling on, as people tend to do about Ace. I think I did it better in the original, which unfortunately is in California right now. And I'm not. :(

See? My comment was even longer. ;)

[topsecretpr0nlj.livejournal.com]

I knew the Viagra thing was a red herring, my thought was that the setup for it was a bit incomplete. Before having it broken down for me, I got everything except the assumption that because he's Ace, therefore perfect, he's inhuman and never has a nasty tasting mouth. I still say it's a pretty big leap to make without fleshing out somehow, but I get that you don't want to give away too much and make your non sequitur ending into something obvious.

[queen-fiend.livejournal.com]

Awww, that was sweet. :) Excellent work!

I'm new here by the way...so far I've been lurking a bit but I thought it was time I introduced myself and started commenting. ;)

*goes off to read more stories*

[kahvi.livejournal.com]

Thank you! And welcome; hope you enjoy your stay. :)

[queen-fiend.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Oh, I think I will. ;)