Fic: Awakening (PG-13)
Aug. 10th, 2008 12:17 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
hazeltea.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
reddwarfslashTitle: Awakening
Pairing: Lister/Rimmer
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own Red Dwarf, and I do not profit from this. I just do this to amuse myself.
This comes after the following:
Function
Static
Love
Release
Reunited
Byway
Weaknesses
Trepidation
Lister gasped for air as his consciousness returned, the feel of the AR machine gear a solid weight against his skin, the familiar feel of the seat beneath him grounding him in reality. Slowly, his memories returned, as though he was waking from a bizarre dream.
“He’s awake!”
“Sir?”
“Dave? Dave, can you hear me?” a soft, small hand pressed against his cheek. Lister’s vision came into focus. Krissie… he was alive. His heart skipped a beat in worry as he unsuccessfully attempted to sit up. Gently, she pushed him back, and he relaxed as he caught sight of Rimmer sitting beside him, uncharacteristically quiet, but real, and solid.
“I’m fine now.” Lister sighed. More than fine, actually. He squeezed Kochanski’s hand, and reached for Rimmer’s, but they were tightly clasped in his lap, Lister’s gesture unaccepted. Still, he had them both. His family was whole, and he silently vowed that he’d never make the mistake of driving away any of them again. His face cracked into a smile, and he brushed off Kochanski and Kryten’s attempts to balance him as he sat up, pulling off the last of the AR straps himself.
“I was so worried, Sir!” Kryten continued, pulling Lister’s weight towards him, making him break contact with Kochanski. Lister patted the mechanoid’s back, and glanced over his shoulder to gaze at Rimmer. He only caught sight of the back of one leg, as the hologram slipped out of the room, unnoticed by anyone else. Lister separated himself, and moved towards the door. “I’m all right, really.” He said. “Maybe a bit hungry.” He added, knowing that the mild complaint would distract Kryten.
“Supper is almost ready, Sir.” Kryten said, feeling a worrying guilt settle over him because he didn’t have a five course meal to present at that very moment. “I should check on it.” He added, making a quick mental inventory of special touches he could add to the meal in the shortest time possible.
“Thanks, Krytes, you’re the best.” Lister sighed, watching him scurry into the kitchen. He turned his eyes on Kochanski. “Kris… I owe you everything.” He murmured. “I promise to thank you proper, but right now, I’ve got to –“
“Go to him.” She said, softly. Lister nodded in gratitude.
Although Starbug’s interior was larger than he had imagined upon first seeing it all those years ago, it didn’t take long to find Rimmer. He stood in the doorway of Kochanski’s quarters, a look of worry and disgust apparent in his face. Lister shuffled his feet behind him. “It didn’t seem proper to make Kris share, bein’ a girl and all.” He explained.
“How long did it take you to get rid of my things, then?” He asked, in annoyance.
“Things?” Lister frowned. “You took what little you had on the Wildfire. Ace, I mean… the new Ace, gave me a trunk with most of it. It’s in my quarters… I guess our quarters, now.”
Rimmer’s lip curled into a snarl. “It smells like apples in here. Or maybe strawberries. A smegging fruit salad. That will never come out of the mattress.”
“Rimmer…” Lister sighed. “You hated this room, anyway. Come stay with me, and you’ll never have to deal with those damn pipes again.”
“There was a reason we stopped sharing a room, you know.” Rimmer spat out, crossing his arms. “You couldn’t stand another moment with me, remember? Couldn’t wait to see me go.” Rimmer snapped his mouth shut, feeling the overwhelming bitterness mix with a self pity deep enough to be grief. He was suddenly terrified that his voice would crack, and he would never give Lister that satisfaction.
The memory of that argument that had been largely forgotten swam to the front of Lister’s mind, filling him with shame. “You were the one that moved out.” Lister said, quietly. “I always said things like that, but you never took it seriously until we lost Red Dwarf.”
“Every man has a breaking point.” Rimmer managed to snap through his aching throat, without losing control of his voice. For once, Lister was right; losing Red Dwarf had been devastating, as though he’d lost a part of himself. That ship was his home, and his sanctuary. Starbug was a poor substitute for the miles of corridors that he had made his own, where he could compose himself in privacy.
“I was an idiot.” Lister said, softly. “Starbug is tight quarters, you know, and at the time, maybe it made sense to live apart. You were being such a smeghead, and I was just a nasty piece of work. It was like we were two animals ready to rip each other apart. Living like this takes its toll.”
Rimmer’s eyes narrowed. “What makes you think that now will be any different? It’s even more cramped.”
“Everything is different.” Lister said, sitting on the side of the bed and gesturing for Rimmer to join him. Reluctantly, he did. “I’m not sure why I let you go. I told myself it was to make you happy, to make you whole. Now I see it was also that this life on Starbug made me push you away. I paid for it, Arn. It wasn’t so bad at first, but then…” Lister gulped. How could he say the things that needed to be said? “I missed ya, man. I had dreams about you. I tried to start over, make a clean slate alone, but, well… you can’t control your feelings. Then Ace came, and I thought he was you, and I was gonna tell you how wrong I’d been, and ask you t’stay. Holly was right all along, ya know. I thought I was sane by now, but without you, it’s not enough. None of this is enough without you, do you understand? I felt like I’d killed you. Given you the death sentence. I’ve got a second chance now, and I’ll never make the same mistakes again. Please, just come back to our room.”
Rimmer listened in awe. Had a year that he couldn’t remember have made such a profound impact? Surely, Lister must be delusional. He just didn’t remember how things were, the idiotic, optimistic slob. Maybe, at this very moment, Lister actually believed some of the sentimental drivel he was sprouting. He’d trust Lister again, only to get burned. That was the way it worked, and the way he was certain it would always work. Yet… how he wanted it to be true. How he missed the days when Lister would talk to him without a trace of contempt. How he dreaded a life on Starbug where he was despised more than ever, with no place to hide.
“Fine.” He said, finally. “I don’t have much choice, anyway. There’s no place else to sleep.” He was certain he would regret it, yet when Lister’s eyes lit up like that from the inside, it was easy to trick himself into thinking it was genuine.
“It’ll be different this time, I swear.” Lister’s voice had softened, carrying with it a tone Rimmer had never heard, from him or anyone else, for that matter. He flinched as Lister’s gloved hand touched his cheek, but stilled as the fingers brushed against his simulated skin and into his hair. Every instinct told him to push Lister away, but the gentle touch was so subtle, caressing nerve endings he’d never thought could bring a rush of pleasure. Rimmer’s eyes slid closed as he savored the rare touch.
“ I won’t make but another mistake, darlin’” Lister breathed, as his lips closed over Rimmer’s. Images, unbidden, flooded Rimmer’s mind. Muted laughter as Lister’s young body flexed under him, silver fabric crinkling as eager fingers clutched his shoulders, pulling away the heavy flight suit. Hands roaming across his back, settling low to squeeze his buttocks in encouragement. Fevered kisses, the faint taste of lager. Suddenly, Lister was jolted backwards, as the hologram shoved him clear across the bunk.
“Lister. What on Io are you doing?” he snarled. Rimmer’s eyes were wide and manic, and Lister could not be sure if he trembled with fear or rage. Perhaps a bit of` both.
“Kissing you.” Lister said, defensively. “I thought… you were okay with this. I told you how I feel, Arn. I promise I won’t hurt you.” Lister watched in despair as everything he had hoped for came unraveled as quickly as a derailed train on impact.
“Well.” Rimmer said, standing up and smoothing out his uniform frantically, “Well! You thought wrong, miladdio. I don’t… I mean, I’m not. Not like… like that.”
“I’m sorry.” Lister said, quickly. “Let me just explain, Arn.”
“Not now.” Rimmer snapped, heading towards the door.
“Arn… Rimmer! Wait!” he called, falling back against the mattress as the door slid shut behind him. “Smeg.” He hissed, kicking the ceiling of the pristine bunk in frustration. He had come so far, and for what? Maybe Rimmer was right about one thing. Being an optimist wasn’t exactly realistic.
Pairing: Lister/Rimmer
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own Red Dwarf, and I do not profit from this. I just do this to amuse myself.
This comes after the following:
Function
Static
Love
Release
Reunited
Byway
Weaknesses
Trepidation
Lister gasped for air as his consciousness returned, the feel of the AR machine gear a solid weight against his skin, the familiar feel of the seat beneath him grounding him in reality. Slowly, his memories returned, as though he was waking from a bizarre dream.
“He’s awake!”
“Sir?”
“Dave? Dave, can you hear me?” a soft, small hand pressed against his cheek. Lister’s vision came into focus. Krissie… he was alive. His heart skipped a beat in worry as he unsuccessfully attempted to sit up. Gently, she pushed him back, and he relaxed as he caught sight of Rimmer sitting beside him, uncharacteristically quiet, but real, and solid.
“I’m fine now.” Lister sighed. More than fine, actually. He squeezed Kochanski’s hand, and reached for Rimmer’s, but they were tightly clasped in his lap, Lister’s gesture unaccepted. Still, he had them both. His family was whole, and he silently vowed that he’d never make the mistake of driving away any of them again. His face cracked into a smile, and he brushed off Kochanski and Kryten’s attempts to balance him as he sat up, pulling off the last of the AR straps himself.
“I was so worried, Sir!” Kryten continued, pulling Lister’s weight towards him, making him break contact with Kochanski. Lister patted the mechanoid’s back, and glanced over his shoulder to gaze at Rimmer. He only caught sight of the back of one leg, as the hologram slipped out of the room, unnoticed by anyone else. Lister separated himself, and moved towards the door. “I’m all right, really.” He said. “Maybe a bit hungry.” He added, knowing that the mild complaint would distract Kryten.
“Supper is almost ready, Sir.” Kryten said, feeling a worrying guilt settle over him because he didn’t have a five course meal to present at that very moment. “I should check on it.” He added, making a quick mental inventory of special touches he could add to the meal in the shortest time possible.
“Thanks, Krytes, you’re the best.” Lister sighed, watching him scurry into the kitchen. He turned his eyes on Kochanski. “Kris… I owe you everything.” He murmured. “I promise to thank you proper, but right now, I’ve got to –“
“Go to him.” She said, softly. Lister nodded in gratitude.
Although Starbug’s interior was larger than he had imagined upon first seeing it all those years ago, it didn’t take long to find Rimmer. He stood in the doorway of Kochanski’s quarters, a look of worry and disgust apparent in his face. Lister shuffled his feet behind him. “It didn’t seem proper to make Kris share, bein’ a girl and all.” He explained.
“How long did it take you to get rid of my things, then?” He asked, in annoyance.
“Things?” Lister frowned. “You took what little you had on the Wildfire. Ace, I mean… the new Ace, gave me a trunk with most of it. It’s in my quarters… I guess our quarters, now.”
Rimmer’s lip curled into a snarl. “It smells like apples in here. Or maybe strawberries. A smegging fruit salad. That will never come out of the mattress.”
“Rimmer…” Lister sighed. “You hated this room, anyway. Come stay with me, and you’ll never have to deal with those damn pipes again.”
“There was a reason we stopped sharing a room, you know.” Rimmer spat out, crossing his arms. “You couldn’t stand another moment with me, remember? Couldn’t wait to see me go.” Rimmer snapped his mouth shut, feeling the overwhelming bitterness mix with a self pity deep enough to be grief. He was suddenly terrified that his voice would crack, and he would never give Lister that satisfaction.
The memory of that argument that had been largely forgotten swam to the front of Lister’s mind, filling him with shame. “You were the one that moved out.” Lister said, quietly. “I always said things like that, but you never took it seriously until we lost Red Dwarf.”
“Every man has a breaking point.” Rimmer managed to snap through his aching throat, without losing control of his voice. For once, Lister was right; losing Red Dwarf had been devastating, as though he’d lost a part of himself. That ship was his home, and his sanctuary. Starbug was a poor substitute for the miles of corridors that he had made his own, where he could compose himself in privacy.
“I was an idiot.” Lister said, softly. “Starbug is tight quarters, you know, and at the time, maybe it made sense to live apart. You were being such a smeghead, and I was just a nasty piece of work. It was like we were two animals ready to rip each other apart. Living like this takes its toll.”
Rimmer’s eyes narrowed. “What makes you think that now will be any different? It’s even more cramped.”
“Everything is different.” Lister said, sitting on the side of the bed and gesturing for Rimmer to join him. Reluctantly, he did. “I’m not sure why I let you go. I told myself it was to make you happy, to make you whole. Now I see it was also that this life on Starbug made me push you away. I paid for it, Arn. It wasn’t so bad at first, but then…” Lister gulped. How could he say the things that needed to be said? “I missed ya, man. I had dreams about you. I tried to start over, make a clean slate alone, but, well… you can’t control your feelings. Then Ace came, and I thought he was you, and I was gonna tell you how wrong I’d been, and ask you t’stay. Holly was right all along, ya know. I thought I was sane by now, but without you, it’s not enough. None of this is enough without you, do you understand? I felt like I’d killed you. Given you the death sentence. I’ve got a second chance now, and I’ll never make the same mistakes again. Please, just come back to our room.”
Rimmer listened in awe. Had a year that he couldn’t remember have made such a profound impact? Surely, Lister must be delusional. He just didn’t remember how things were, the idiotic, optimistic slob. Maybe, at this very moment, Lister actually believed some of the sentimental drivel he was sprouting. He’d trust Lister again, only to get burned. That was the way it worked, and the way he was certain it would always work. Yet… how he wanted it to be true. How he missed the days when Lister would talk to him without a trace of contempt. How he dreaded a life on Starbug where he was despised more than ever, with no place to hide.
“Fine.” He said, finally. “I don’t have much choice, anyway. There’s no place else to sleep.” He was certain he would regret it, yet when Lister’s eyes lit up like that from the inside, it was easy to trick himself into thinking it was genuine.
“It’ll be different this time, I swear.” Lister’s voice had softened, carrying with it a tone Rimmer had never heard, from him or anyone else, for that matter. He flinched as Lister’s gloved hand touched his cheek, but stilled as the fingers brushed against his simulated skin and into his hair. Every instinct told him to push Lister away, but the gentle touch was so subtle, caressing nerve endings he’d never thought could bring a rush of pleasure. Rimmer’s eyes slid closed as he savored the rare touch.
“ I won’t make but another mistake, darlin’” Lister breathed, as his lips closed over Rimmer’s. Images, unbidden, flooded Rimmer’s mind. Muted laughter as Lister’s young body flexed under him, silver fabric crinkling as eager fingers clutched his shoulders, pulling away the heavy flight suit. Hands roaming across his back, settling low to squeeze his buttocks in encouragement. Fevered kisses, the faint taste of lager. Suddenly, Lister was jolted backwards, as the hologram shoved him clear across the bunk.
“Lister. What on Io are you doing?” he snarled. Rimmer’s eyes were wide and manic, and Lister could not be sure if he trembled with fear or rage. Perhaps a bit of` both.
“Kissing you.” Lister said, defensively. “I thought… you were okay with this. I told you how I feel, Arn. I promise I won’t hurt you.” Lister watched in despair as everything he had hoped for came unraveled as quickly as a derailed train on impact.
“Well.” Rimmer said, standing up and smoothing out his uniform frantically, “Well! You thought wrong, miladdio. I don’t… I mean, I’m not. Not like… like that.”
“I’m sorry.” Lister said, quickly. “Let me just explain, Arn.”
“Not now.” Rimmer snapped, heading towards the door.
“Arn… Rimmer! Wait!” he called, falling back against the mattress as the door slid shut behind him. “Smeg.” He hissed, kicking the ceiling of the pristine bunk in frustration. He had come so far, and for what? Maybe Rimmer was right about one thing. Being an optimist wasn’t exactly realistic.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-08-10 06:00 pm (UTC)I mean, seriously:
I missed ya, man. I had dreams about you. I tried to start over, make a clean slate alone, but, well… you can’t control your feelings. Then Ace came, and I thought he was you, and I was gonna tell you how wrong I’d been, and ask you t’stay. Holly was right all along, ya know. I thought I was sane by now, but without you, it’s not enough. None of this is enough without you, do you understand? I felt like I’d killed you. Given you the death sentence. I’ve got a second chance now, and I’ll never make the same mistakes again. Please, just come back to our room.”
It's just the right balance in every way. It's how I hope my version comes across, if I'm lucky.
I can haz NC-17 ending nao? :D :D
no subject
Date: 2008-08-10 06:30 pm (UTC)(after all, he uses a laundry hamper now. Actually uses it. we saw that in Nanarchy. And, his longjohns are white. He's changing not for Kochanski, but belatedly for Arn.)
no subject
Date: 2008-08-10 11:48 pm (UTC)For the record, I adore your Lister. He's achingly sweet, in his own way.
Thanks for he feedback <3
no subject
Date: 2008-08-10 11:51 pm (UTC)Thanks for feeding back!
no subject
Date: 2008-08-11 01:52 am (UTC)He flinched as Lister’s gloved hand touched his cheek, but stilled as the fingers brushed against his simulated skin and into his hair. Every instinct told him to push Lister away, but the gentle touch was so subtle, caressing nerve endings he’d never thought could bring a rush of pleasure. Rimmer’s eyes slid closed as he savored the rare touch. This was my favourite bit. So sweet. :)
I can't wait to see what you've got planned for this next!
no subject
Date: 2008-08-11 03:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-11 12:19 pm (UTC)And this:
“Well! You thought wrong, miladdio. I don’t… I mean, I’m not. Not like… like that.”
made me half laugh and half cry. Brilliant.
Want next!
no subject
Date: 2008-08-11 11:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-15 04:21 pm (UTC)I love this bit. This is the major problem with Lister and Rimmer I think. Neither of them ever had a proper family but they dealt with it different ways. Lister made the posse his family, whereas Rimmer decided a family just wasn't worth having. Sigh...
no subject
Date: 2008-08-16 12:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-21 09:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-21 09:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-22 01:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-02 12:07 pm (UTC)Ack!
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